Writing is good for the soul

Dear Readers,

It's been quite some time since I updated this blog. Some days, I find myself longing for solitude so I can just sit and write and write and write. Other days, I have a strong desire to write and nothing wants to come out. I believe I may overwhelm myself with the idea that I have to write. I pressure myself into writing and then I am stumped as to what I want to say, what I feel is important to get out, what I wish I could say in written word. Many thoughts swirl around in my head but trying to get them out has been a true struggle. Perhaps I am frustrated over the path the publishing of Think Thankfully has taken. Perhaps I am feeling a bit stuck in a rut of neverending complacency. Perhaps I just needed a few days of negative windchills and a laptop to just really sit and focus a bit. Regardless, here we are in the midst of a new blog posting because, truth be told (and if you've followed any of my writings and ramblings, you know I believe in telling the truth to my readers!), I've wanted to write. I've always wanted to write.

A lot of things have contributed to this strong desire to write in the past few weeks. We've had so many snow days, which have left me sitting on my grandma's glider rocker, watching way too much TV. I've had a lot of moments of reflection in the past month, many of which normally bring me a lot of sadness. I've had a few encounters with someone from my past, who still has the capacity to evoke a wide range of feelings/emotions in me. I've had to reevaluate some friendships and sadly, some people have walked away from my life. Add to these things, the fact that my oldest child has found an apartment in a town 210 miles away from me in another state (but believe me, I've been preparing for this one) and is set to move at the end of next month, while my youngest is enjoying a relatively carefree life of a 17 year old, spending much of her free time with her boyfriend, and you get a glimpse of the wide range of emotion/feelings I've been struggling with. My writing urge has been strong, but I struggle with what to put down on paper.

I turn to Think Thankfully to help work through my feelings. Not everything I post upon the page is directed solely at me. Many times, I feel an overwhelming urge to post about a certain theme or idea. Later, I find someone has felt what was posted was exactly what they needed in their life. I've allowed myself the room of a Facebook page to express what I need to. Many people may think that I hide behind the 'mask' of a Facebook page because I do my very best to keep that page more universal and not personal. I keep my true identity relatively hidden on that page. While I post some personal things, rarely do I show the world who I truly am on that particular page, although it isn't much different that what is shown.

During the past three and a half years, I've learned a lot, lost a lot, gained a lot, and worked on being a better person. I've eliminated the negative from my life as much as I can. I've got a little ways to go, but all in all, the negativity has slowly disappeared from my life. I've given myself such room to express my true thoughts and feelings and in return, I feel as though I've imparted some wisdom on the 790 followers that Think Thankfully currently has. I guess, the best thing I can do, is continue on my own journey and hope that others get from it what they need.

I can tell you I'll try to be better at writing here, but I'm not sure if that is an honest admission. Perhaps, instead of giving something physical up for Lent, I will give up the excuses for not writing and dedicate myself to writing for each of the 40 days of the Lenten season. Maybe that will spark some writing fires (and maybe my writing will be noticed by people in order for it to become more of a career rather than a hobby!).

Either way, I'll do what I can. That's all I can say about that......

Until next time, 

Think Thankfully

It's Monday.....don't forget to be awesome!!!!!

Just a little reminder today! Most people dread Mondays like they dread the flu. Don't let Monday get to you! There is no law that says Mondays HAVE to suck!! Take your positive attitude and make this a Monday worth remembering!!! Don't forget to be awesome today!! 

Until next time.........

Look into my eyes, it's where my demons hide.

Lately, the song by Imagine Dragons called Demons has been on replay in my head. "Look into my eyes, it's where my demons hide."  We all have an inner demon that must be fought/battled and controlled. I’ve been battling mine off and on for quite some time. The journey I am on through Think Thankfully has helped me fight/control my inner demon, that every so often make an appearance and ALMOST sidetrack me and knock me off the path to being happier with myself.

My inner demon is the part of me that stops me from being able to accept the person I am, the person I have become, the person who is here, in the present, living what she thinks of as her best life ever! Don’t get me wrong, I am not a miserable shell of a human being, I am not depressed, I am not all about the ‘pity me’ routine that so many people get caught up in. Oh, I most certainly like myself more than not, but I constantly feel like I am not as good as I could be. I always want to be better and I try improve myself. I have a hard time acknowledging when I feel I am good at something. I simply battle the demons who creep on in and try to brainwash me into thinking I am not good enough.

This past week, my demons came pretty close to winning the battle. You see, I am married to an incredible man. He loves me despite my flaws and my constant feelings of not being good enough for him. This week, I let myself believe that because I have gained a little bit (and really, it's only a little bit) of weight back, my husband didn’t want me anymore. I felt like he was doing everything in his power to avoid me. Oh, I know, without a doubt, this is not true, but it was a horrible struggle between what my demons were whispering in my ears and trying to infiltrate in my heart and what I absolutely knew to be true. I let the busy nature of his job, the fact that he is always tinkering around and fixing things around here, and my being a tad bit under the weather be the open door for those little whispers of negativity that could have created a very bad situation for me and my husband. I made the choices in what I believed to be true and what I knew to be true. It's a tough road to be on when those little whispers seem like screams.

What I've learned on this journey to being more positive is that once we truly begin to know ourselves and accept ourselves, flaws and all, can we keep those demons far away from us. We can start to take back the power. This journey to being more thankful and more positive is a constantly evolving journey. I don’t believe I will ever reach the end of it, because each day I change. We all do. We are constantly changing people and in changing, we sometimes let our guards down. I have to be aware every day of the good in my life, the things to be grateful for.  I fight demons every day by focusing on what I do like about myself. I seize each day and the little things to be thankful for and slowly I have been gaining self-acceptance in the process. Our demons know that we are weak. We allow them the power to control us. We choose what we believe to be true versus what we know to be true. "But with the beast inside, there’s nowhere we can hide." 

Starting today, believe a little more in yourself. Concentrate on what you KNOW to be true and stop believing the whispers that try to make you feel anything less than comfortable and happy!!

Until next time, my friends....

"Demons"

When the days are cold
And the cards all fold
And the saints we see
Are all made of gold

When your dreams all fail
And the ones we hail
Are the worst of all
And the blood’s run stale

I wanna hide the truth
I wanna shelter you
But with the beast inside
There’s nowhere we can hide

No matter what we breed
We still are made of greed
This is my kingdom come
This is my kingdom come

When you feel my heat
Look into my eyes
It’s where my demons hide
It’s where my demons hide
Don’t get too close
It’s dark inside
It’s where my demons hide
It’s where my demons hide

At the curtain’s call
It's the last of all
When the lights fade out
All the sinners crawl

So they dug your grave
And the masquerade
Will come calling out
At the mess you made

Don't wanna let you down
But I am hell bound
Though this is all for you
Don't wanna hide the truth

No matter what we breed
We still are made of greed
This is my kingdom come
This is my kingdom come

When you feel my heat
Look into my eyes
It’s where my demons hide
It’s where my demons hide
Don’t get too close
It’s dark inside
It’s where my demons hide
It’s where my demons hide

They say it's what you make
I say it's up to fate
It's woven in my soul
I need to let you go

Your eyes, they shine so bright
I wanna save that light
I can't escape this now
Unless you show me how

When you feel my heat
Look into my eyes
It’s where my demons hide
It’s where my demons hide
Don’t get too close
It’s dark inside
It’s where my demons hide
It’s where my demons hide

Show a little faith, there's magic in the night

Sometimes we all need reminders to keep the faith and remain grateful for things in life. Not a super easy task for any of us at times. I am constantly reminding myself that it's ok to find myself in a slump, it's ok to not be perfect, it's ok to not please everyone all the time, it's ok (and normal) to have bad days.

Last May, I attended my 15th Springsteen concert. I was 10 years old when I first heard ThunderRoad and instantly fell in love with Bruce and his music. It's been a 31 year (one sided) love affair that continues to grow. Although he has no clue, Mr. Bruce Springsteen has truly been my go-to person during all my troubling times. He's helped me through many a tough time in my life.

Today, October 4. 2014 marks the 3 year anniversary of my Think Thankfully journey. Currently, I've posted 1,096 'Tonight I'm thankful for:' posts on my personal Facebook page. I haven't missed a night, no matter where I've been, who I've been with, or what I've been doing. I posted. They've become the best therapy (aside from listening to Mr. Springsteen) I could have ever attempted. Some days I've had to dig very deep to reach a level of thankfulness, but let me tell you....there haven't been many like that. I've learned that the more you have to be thankful for, the more you are given in this world. I've also started to post them on the Think Thankfully Facebook page, too, each night.

This past year has been a whirlwind for me. I've reunited with some old friends, met a lot of new friends, lost some friends, grown to 735 followers on the Think Thankfully Facebook page, and managed to do it all with a grateful heart for all I've experienced. Through it all, the ups and the downs, two people stand out in my mind who have really affected me during the past year: my dear high school friends, Keri and Ryan. Both of these friends are faced with their own challenges in life and sometimes, I believe, life can get very overwhelming for the two of them. Now, before you go assuming anything, they are NOT married to one another. Keri has a wonderful husband, Jeff, and three children. Ryan has an incredible wife, Jenny, and three children. They are both very special friends to me and I am thankful, so very thankful, to have rekindled old friendships with both of them. If I may share....... 

Last November, I challenged my Think Thankfully followers to start posting a nightly thankful post on their own Facebook pages. My friend Keri accepted the challenge. She is less than a month away from completing an entire year of thankful posts. I love to see her tell people how it has truly changed her way of thinking because let's face it...that's what it's all about!! It's been a wonderful ride, watching her whole mindset start to change from simple things each day to be thankful for, to really giving a power punch to things she's been thankful for. As many people often tell me, I look forward to her thankful posts each night!

Ryan is a very gifted writer. He is also a gifted musician. I've been privileged to be able to read some of his incredible poetry years ago when we both reconnected thanks to Facebook. He's always been a neat person in my eyes, because he has a very unique ability to put his feeling on paper and make you feel every single word of it. And I do mean that. I know Ryan struggles with some personal inner demons. During this past year, Ryan has also taken to posting more of his daily gratitudes.  Although he doesn't do it every single night, in reading Keri's nightly posts and my nightly posts, Ryan is able to really see the value of important things in his life. Recently, he posted something to the effect that he wasn't there yet but he's been working on it! That's what it's all about! Working on it!!!

Heck, I'm not completely there yet. I still have moments of self-pity, anger, frustration, heartbreak, and wondering if it's truly all worth it. In the end, the answer always remains and emphatic YES. I like who I've become on this journey. I like to be the happy person. I love thinking thankfully. I truly am blessed.

Happy Anniversary, Think Thankfully......

Until next time (which I'm going to try to be better at this year....), my friends......remember, there is always, always, ALWAYS something to be thankful for!

Positivity is the key!

I'm trying hard. Really, I am. I recently figured out what my 'problem' is lately. I've allowed someone else's constantly negative attitude start to suck the happiness and positivity out of my own attitude. Yes, you absolutely read that right. Hard to believe? Not really, if you think about it.

I'm human. It's what we do. We pump ourselves up and then with one swift movement of someone else's tongue, we allow ourselves to crumble. I've spent two and a half years working on being a more positive person and THAT quickly, in what felt like the blink of an eye, I could feel that positive foundation start to crack and then crumble.

It's hard to be around a person for a great length of time and NOT be affected by their moods and attitudes. This is one reason I began, awhile ago, to eliminate those 'toxic' people from my life. I couldn't stand to always be sucked into drama, whiny conversations, 'whoa is me' attitudes and yet, here I sit, allowing it to happen again.

There is good news though. I've recognized it earlier on this time. I can see that is what is happening to me and I DO NOT LIKE IT. I won't fib, it will be very hard to eliminate this negative force from my life, but I will do the best I can try to keep those negative words, comments, and attitudes at arm's length. I can try to keep telling myself that I am better than the negative forces that are chipping away at the happy person I've come to enjoy being. 

Starting right now…today…..I am promising myself that I will NOT allow this type of moody, negative behavior, you know the type….the toxic one, who will use his or her mood swings to intimidate and manipulate, to bring others into their own miserable world….to have ANY control in my life.  If you truly watch this Negative Nelly closely, you will notice that their attitude is overly self-referential. They cannot talk about anything other than THEIR lives, THEIR happenings, THEIR perceived wrongs. They switch conversations mid-stream if they feel they cannot add anything to what is being discussed. They try to switch the focus to their wants, their needs. The relationships they do find themselves in are prioritized according to how each one can be used to meet their selfish needs. I am officially done with this type of person. Officially over being brought down by negative forces. Positivity is the key!

Until tomorrow, my friends....eliminate that toxicity from your life and choose to see the bright side, see all that life has to offer! Be positive!

Think Thankfully!

Happy Easter!!!

@Casting Crowns 

Happy Easter from Think Thankfully! I’ve taken a bit of a break from writing as the Easter holiday approached. In renewing my faith, I’ve really started to take a lot into consideration as secular holidays come around. While all the children excitedly awaited the arrival of the Easter Bunny, hitting up local egg hunts, searching for the best spot to capture their picture with the Bunny, hoping for lots of candy, chocolates, and presents, I was excitedly awaiting the resurrection of my Lord and Savior.

I know I have always said I would not make this a religiously set blog, however, I have come to realize in my little absence from writing, that much of the cause of my thankfulness is because of my faith.  This morning, as I walked the .75 miles from my home to the cemetery on the hill for the annual 6am Easter Sunrise (Dawn) Service, things became extremely clear to me in this journey I am on.

Let me backtrack a little bit. As you may remember, I spent a few years of my life away from the church. I had a very bad experience with a previous minister and simply felt the foundation of my faith crumble under my feet. Much like Christ on the cross, I felt forsaken by the One I never thought (and was taught) would never do such a thing. I spent time wandering through this life wondering just what I believed.

I found my way back to my church with the arrival of a new minister, Pastor Denton Kees. It took me a little bit, but that man of the cloth, in his own gentle way, helped me find my way back to the fold. I started attending church more regularly and this past January, I was elected to serve on our Church Council (which I am enjoying so far……).

As Easter approached, I spent a lot of time in reflection. I attended Maundy Thursday Services, where I heard a remarkable message from Pastor Gail Kees (Pastor Denton’s wonderful wife). The tone was set for the next three days for me. As Good Friday arrived, I followed my annual tradition of starting my day watching The Passion of the Christ. This year, it hit home much more than it ever has. I still weep at the suffering Jesus Christ endured for ME. My frame of mind and the innermost feelings in my heart were put in the right spot for the waiting….the anxious anticipation of Christ’s Resurrection.

Last night, I set my alarm for 5:15am. I was going to attend the 6am Easter Sunrise Service on the cemetery. It was a tradition I always enjoyed as a youngster. I would be the only one in my family who would wake up, get ready, and trudge across the yard to catch a ride with my neighbors, Ruthie and Merritt. As I got older, it became a yearly tradition to meet my friend, Paul, in front of the church and together we’d walk up the hill to the service. A few times as I grew up, I attended the services, but it has been a few years since I felt it important to wake up and go. Until this year…..

The alarm sounded and I got up without hesitation, threw on my sweats and a baseball hat. I had hoped that my 16 year old daughter would join me, and I know she set her alarm and did wake up, but I believe she fell back to sleep. It was a little pinch of disappointment, but I understand. She’s not quite there yet in her faith journey. I left my house at 5:40 to start walking. Now, .75 miles doesn’t seem like a lot, however, it is quite the hill to climb. It’s not an easy grade to trek up, especially as you get older. At one point, about halfway up the hill, I began to rethink my option. It would be so much easier to just turn around and walk back home. I was short on breath, it was chilly, and I had a little bit of a climb yet. And then, it all came together and my mind swirled with images of Christ carrying His cross up the hill to Golgotha, already beaten down, spit on, ridiculed, and yet He carried that cross up a hill knowing what was going to happen once He reached the top. If He could do it, meeting a far more terrible fate than I would at the top, I, too, can make it. And so I trudged on.

I made it. I arrived at the top in time to be asked to be a reader. What an honor. To many, it wouldn’t seem like much, but to me, to be asked to read at the Resurrection service of my Lord, my Savior was a true honor for me. We celebrated through song, prayer, scripture, sermon, and praise for our Risen Lord. I watched the beautiful sunrise come through the trees on the far edge of the cemetery and I smiled, knowing my Redeemer lives!

The whole walk home, I kept humming the Casting Crowns song, Oh Glorious Day! I am so thankful to have been led back. I am so thankful that, while there are baskets filled on my table for my family, I was raised to know and understand the true meaning of Easter. I am thankful that through my own reflections, I will walk into church this morning, praising the fact that Christ is Risen, and not just saying it, but believing it with my whole heart.

"Glorious Day (Living He Loved Me)"

One day when Heaven was filled with His praises

One day when sin was as black as could be

Jesus came forth to be born of a virgin

Dwelt among men, my example is He

Word became flesh and the light shined among us

His glory revealed

[Chorus:]

Living, He loved me

Dying, He saved me

Buried, He carried my sins far away

Rising, He justified freely forever

One day He's coming

Oh glorious day, oh glorious day

One day they led Him up Calvary's mountain

One day they nailed Him to die on a tree

Suffering anguish, despised and rejected

Bearing our sins, my Redeemer is He

Hands that healed nations, stretched out on a tree

And took the nails for me

[Chorus]

One day the grave could conceal Him no longer

One day the stone rolled away from the door

Then He arose, over death He had conquered

Now He's ascended, my Lord evermore

Death could not hold Him, the grave could not keep Him

From rising again

[Chorus]

One day the trumpet will sound for His coming

One day the skies with His glories will shine

Wonderful day, my Beloved One, bringing

My Savior, Jesus, is mine

[Chorus]

Glorious day, Oh, Glorious day

Christ is risen, my friends…..He is risen, indeed. Until tomorrow……Happy Easter

Think Thankfully

When you feel like hope is gone...

It has been a very trying week, hence the lack of blog postings. It is hard to write positively when you don't feel so positive yourself. I thought I could conquer this feeling, but it has been festering all week until this morning.

My daughter's boyfriend sent me a SnapChat video last night. While I was already asleep when it was sent and didn't get it til this morning, once I saw it, I knew there was a reason for that happening. Now, while I am not sure he meant to send it to me, I like to think he sees my Facebook posts and is quite intuitive to what's going on in my little corner of the world here in Pennsylvania. Once I saw it was a video, I eagerly waited for it to load so I could watch. Secretly, I was hoping it was another humorous one with one of his instrument students (he's a band director/instrumental music teacher - and a darn good one, too!). Not at all. It may not have been what I was expecting, but it was just what I needed. As the video starts, it is him, lip synching to the most perfect part of Mariah Carey's song, Hero....."So when you feel like hope is gone, look inside you and be strong." WOW. Just what this Momma needed this morning as I enter day 4 of what could be hell on earth.

Hope. A simple 4 letter word. HOPE. Yup, count them, 4 letters long. 

HOPE (hōp) :

noun

1. a feeling of expectation and desire for a certain thing to happen.

"he looked through her belongings in the hope of coming across some information"

synonyms:          aspiration, desire, wish, expectation, ambition, aim, goal, plan, design; 

2. a person or thing that may help or save someone.

"their only hope is surgery"

3. grounds for believing that something good may happen.

"he does see some hope for the future"

synonyms:          hopefulness, optimism, expectation, expectancy; More

antonyms:          pessimism

4. a feeling of trust.

verb

1.want something to happen or be the case.

"he's hoping for an offer of compensation"

synonyms:          expect, anticipate, look for, be hopeful of, pin one's hopes on, want;

Hope. Hope is a belief that circumstances in the future will be better. It's NOT simply a wish that things will get better, but an actual belief, even when there may be no evidence that anything will change, that things will be better. Hope can encompass a wide variety of beliefs -- everything from an athlete hoping for that college scholarship to a cancer patient hoping for a cure. Hope is the word we hear over anything. 

Believe it or not, hope wasn’t always considered a good thing. Back in earlier times, poets and writers dismissed the concept of hope as a cruel joke of higher beings. To them, it was an illusion that lured gullible, dimwitted people to believe in a better future, only to let them down in the end. To them, and they wrote about it, hope was just another word for disappointment, being let down, a falsity of man.

To a sailor lost at sea, a small blip of light in the distance is hope of soon being back on solid ground. To the woman longing for a child, hope is the news that she is finally pregnant. To the serviceman or woman, hope is word that they are finally coming home from a years long deployment. And to me, hope is that reminder to look inside myself for the strength I need to get through whatever it is I am facing in these last days of the school year.

It hasn't been easy these past few days and at one point, I truly gave up hope. I gave up feeling as if anything good would happen for me. Not anymore, thanks to my daughter's boyfriend. I am facing today and each of the remaining 45 days with all the hope in the world that I WILL make it through this school year, I WILL be the best I can be, and I WILL call this year a success. Hope rests inside me. Who is anyone else to take that hope away from me. Hope is NOT a disappointment, it is the fire that drives me to keep pushing forward when everything else is pushing against me. Hope is the reminder to look inside myself and be strong. I am the hero of my own life!

Until tomorrow, my friends.....

Think Thankfully!