Look into my eyes, it's where my demons hide.

Lately, the song by Imagine Dragons called Demons has been on replay in my head. "Look into my eyes, it's where my demons hide."  We all have an inner demon that must be fought/battled and controlled. I’ve been battling mine off and on for quite some time. The journey I am on through Think Thankfully has helped me fight/control my inner demon, that every so often make an appearance and ALMOST sidetrack me and knock me off the path to being happier with myself.

My inner demon is the part of me that stops me from being able to accept the person I am, the person I have become, the person who is here, in the present, living what she thinks of as her best life ever! Don’t get me wrong, I am not a miserable shell of a human being, I am not depressed, I am not all about the ‘pity me’ routine that so many people get caught up in. Oh, I most certainly like myself more than not, but I constantly feel like I am not as good as I could be. I always want to be better and I try improve myself. I have a hard time acknowledging when I feel I am good at something. I simply battle the demons who creep on in and try to brainwash me into thinking I am not good enough.

This past week, my demons came pretty close to winning the battle. You see, I am married to an incredible man. He loves me despite my flaws and my constant feelings of not being good enough for him. This week, I let myself believe that because I have gained a little bit (and really, it's only a little bit) of weight back, my husband didn’t want me anymore. I felt like he was doing everything in his power to avoid me. Oh, I know, without a doubt, this is not true, but it was a horrible struggle between what my demons were whispering in my ears and trying to infiltrate in my heart and what I absolutely knew to be true. I let the busy nature of his job, the fact that he is always tinkering around and fixing things around here, and my being a tad bit under the weather be the open door for those little whispers of negativity that could have created a very bad situation for me and my husband. I made the choices in what I believed to be true and what I knew to be true. It's a tough road to be on when those little whispers seem like screams.

What I've learned on this journey to being more positive is that once we truly begin to know ourselves and accept ourselves, flaws and all, can we keep those demons far away from us. We can start to take back the power. This journey to being more thankful and more positive is a constantly evolving journey. I don’t believe I will ever reach the end of it, because each day I change. We all do. We are constantly changing people and in changing, we sometimes let our guards down. I have to be aware every day of the good in my life, the things to be grateful for.  I fight demons every day by focusing on what I do like about myself. I seize each day and the little things to be thankful for and slowly I have been gaining self-acceptance in the process. Our demons know that we are weak. We allow them the power to control us. We choose what we believe to be true versus what we know to be true. "But with the beast inside, there’s nowhere we can hide." 

Starting today, believe a little more in yourself. Concentrate on what you KNOW to be true and stop believing the whispers that try to make you feel anything less than comfortable and happy!!

Until next time, my friends....

"Demons"

When the days are cold
And the cards all fold
And the saints we see
Are all made of gold

When your dreams all fail
And the ones we hail
Are the worst of all
And the blood’s run stale

I wanna hide the truth
I wanna shelter you
But with the beast inside
There’s nowhere we can hide

No matter what we breed
We still are made of greed
This is my kingdom come
This is my kingdom come

When you feel my heat
Look into my eyes
It’s where my demons hide
It’s where my demons hide
Don’t get too close
It’s dark inside
It’s where my demons hide
It’s where my demons hide

At the curtain’s call
It's the last of all
When the lights fade out
All the sinners crawl

So they dug your grave
And the masquerade
Will come calling out
At the mess you made

Don't wanna let you down
But I am hell bound
Though this is all for you
Don't wanna hide the truth

No matter what we breed
We still are made of greed
This is my kingdom come
This is my kingdom come

When you feel my heat
Look into my eyes
It’s where my demons hide
It’s where my demons hide
Don’t get too close
It’s dark inside
It’s where my demons hide
It’s where my demons hide

They say it's what you make
I say it's up to fate
It's woven in my soul
I need to let you go

Your eyes, they shine so bright
I wanna save that light
I can't escape this now
Unless you show me how

When you feel my heat
Look into my eyes
It’s where my demons hide
It’s where my demons hide
Don’t get too close
It’s dark inside
It’s where my demons hide
It’s where my demons hide