A random-when-the-mood-strikes-me blog that promotes the idea of living a life of gratitude rather than grumble. Looking at things that lift you up, rather than always focusing on what has knocked you down! Thinking thankfully for your daily blessings! OR whatever else comes to mind!
Just a little reminder today! Most people dread Mondays like they dread the flu. Don't let Monday get to you! There is no law that says Mondays HAVE to suck!! Take your positive attitude and make this a Monday worth remembering!!! Don't forget to be awesome today!!
Lately, the song by Imagine Dragons called Demons has been on replay in my head. "Look into my eyes, it's where my demons hide." We all have an inner demon that must be fought/battled and
controlled. I’ve been battling mine off and on for quite some time. The journey
I am on through Think Thankfully has helped me fight/control my inner
demon, that every so often make an appearance and ALMOST sidetrack me and
knock me off the path to being happier with myself.
My inner demon is the part of me that stops me from being
able to accept the person I am, the person I have become, the person who is
here, in the present, living what she thinks of as her best life ever! Don’t get me wrong, I am not a miserable shell of a human being, I am not
depressed, I am not all about the ‘pity me’ routine that so many people get
caught up in. Oh, I most certainly like myself more than not, but I constantly
feel like I am not as good as I could be. I always want to be better and I try
improve myself. I have a hard time acknowledging when I feel I am good at
something. I simply battle the demons who creep on in and try to brainwash me
into thinking I am not good enough.
This past week, my demons came pretty close to winning the
battle. You see, I am married to an incredible man. He loves me despite my
flaws and my constant feelings of not being good enough for him. This week, I
let myself believe that because I have gained a little bit (and really, it's only a little bit) of weight back, my
husband didn’t want me anymore. I felt like he was doing everything in his power to avoid me. Oh, I know, without a doubt, this is not true,
but it was a horrible struggle between what my demons were whispering in my
ears and trying to infiltrate in my heart and what I absolutely knew to be
true. I let the busy nature of his job, the fact that he is always tinkering around and fixing things around here, and my being a tad bit under the weather be the open door for those little whispers of negativity that could have created a very bad situation for me and my husband. I made the choices in what I believed to be true and what I knew to be true. It's a tough road to be on when those little whispers seem like screams.
What I've learned on this journey to being more positive is that once we truly begin to know ourselves and accept ourselves,
flaws and all, can we keep those demons far away from us. We can start to take back the power. This
journey to being more thankful and more positive is a constantly evolving
journey. I don’t believe I will ever reach the end of it, because each day I
change. We all do. We are constantly changing people and in changing, we
sometimes let our guards down. I have to be aware every day of the good in my
life, the things to be grateful for. I fight
demons every day by focusing on what I do like about myself. I seize each day
and the little things to be thankful for and slowly I have been gaining
self-acceptance in the process. Our demons know that we are weak. We allow them the power to control us. We choose what we believe to be true versus what we know to be true. "But with the beast inside, there’s nowhere we can hide."
Starting today, believe a little more in yourself. Concentrate on what you KNOW to be true and stop believing the whispers that try to make you feel anything less than comfortable and happy!!
Until next time, my friends....
"Demons"
When the days are cold
And the cards all fold
And the saints we see
Are all made of gold
When your dreams all fail
And the ones we hail
Are the worst of all
And the blood’s run stale
I wanna hide the truth
I wanna shelter you
But with the beast inside
There’s nowhere we can hide
No matter what we breed
We still are made of greed
This is my kingdom come
This is my kingdom come
When you feel my heat
Look into my eyes
It’s where my demons hide
It’s where my demons hide
Don’t get too close
It’s dark inside
It’s where my demons hide
It’s where my demons hide
At the curtain’s call
It's the last of all
When the lights fade out
All the sinners crawl
So they dug your grave
And the masquerade
Will come calling out
At the mess you made
Don't wanna let you down
But I am hell bound
Though this is all for you
Don't wanna hide the truth
No matter what we breed
We still are made of greed
This is my kingdom come
This is my kingdom come
When you feel my heat
Look into my eyes
It’s where my demons hide
It’s where my demons hide
Don’t get too close
It’s dark inside
It’s where my demons hide
It’s where my demons hide
They say it's what you make
I say it's up to fate
It's woven in my soul
I need to let you go
Your eyes, they shine so bright
I wanna save that light
I can't escape this now
Unless you show me how
When you feel my heat
Look into my eyes
It’s where my demons hide
It’s where my demons hide
Don’t get too close
It’s dark inside
It’s where my demons hide
It’s where my demons hide
Sometimes we all need reminders to keep the faith and remain grateful for things in life. Not a super easy task for any of us at times. I am constantly reminding myself that it's ok to find myself in a slump, it's ok to not be perfect, it's ok to not please everyone all the time, it's ok (and normal) to have bad days. Last May, I attended my 15th Springsteen concert. I was 10 years old when I first heard ThunderRoad and instantly fell in love with Bruce and his music. It's been a 31 year (one sided) love affair that continues to grow. Although he has no clue, Mr. Bruce Springsteen has truly been my go-to person during all my troubling times. He's helped me through many a tough time in my life. Today, October 4. 2014 marks the 3 year anniversary of my Think Thankfully journey. Currently, I've posted 1,096 'Tonight I'm thankful for:' posts on my personal Facebook page. I haven't missed a night, no matter where I've been, who I've been with, or what I've been doing. I posted. They've become the best therapy (aside from listening to Mr. Springsteen) I could have ever attempted. Some days I've had to dig very deep to reach a level of thankfulness, but let me tell you....there haven't been many like that. I've learned that the more you have to be thankful for, the more you are given in this world. I've also started to post them on the Think Thankfully Facebook page, too, each night. This past year has been a whirlwind for me. I've reunited with some old friends, met a lot of new friends, lost some friends, grown to 735 followers on the Think Thankfully Facebook page, and managed to do it all with a grateful heart for all I've experienced. Through it all, the ups and the downs, two people stand out in my mind who have really affected me during the past year: my dear high school friends, Keri and Ryan. Both of these friends are faced with their own challenges in life and sometimes, I believe, life can get very overwhelming for the two of them. Now, before you go assuming anything, they are NOT married to one another. Keri has a wonderful husband, Jeff, and three children. Ryan has an incredible wife, Jenny, and three children. They are both very special friends to me and I am thankful, so very thankful, to have rekindled old friendships with both of them. If I may share....... Last November, I challenged my Think Thankfully followers to start posting a nightly thankful post on their own Facebook pages. My friend Keri accepted the challenge. She is less than a month away from completing an entire year of thankful posts. I love to see her tell people how it has truly changed her way of thinking because let's face it...that's what it's all about!! It's been a wonderful ride, watching her whole mindset start to change from simple things each day to be thankful for, to really giving a power punch to things she's been thankful for. As many people often tell me, I look forward to her thankful posts each night! Ryan is a very gifted writer. He is also a gifted musician. I've been privileged to be able to read some of his incredible poetry years ago when we both reconnected thanks to Facebook. He's always been a neat person in my eyes, because he has a very unique ability to put his feeling on paper and make you feel every single word of it. And I do mean that. I know Ryan struggles with some personal inner demons. During this past year, Ryan has also taken to posting more of his daily gratitudes. Although he doesn't do it every single night, in reading Keri's nightly posts and my nightly posts, Ryan is able to really see the value of important things in his life. Recently, he posted something to the effect that he wasn't there yet but he's been working on it! That's what it's all about! Working on it!!! Heck, I'm not completely there yet. I still have moments of self-pity, anger, frustration, heartbreak, and wondering if it's truly all worth it. In the end, the answer always remains and emphatic YES. I like who I've become on this journey. I like to be the happy person. I love thinking thankfully. I truly am blessed. Happy Anniversary, Think Thankfully...... Until next time (which I'm going to try to be better at this year....), my friends......remember, there is always, always, ALWAYS something to be thankful for!
I'm trying hard. Really, I am. I recently figured out what my 'problem' is lately. I've allowed someone else's constantly negative attitude start to suck the happiness and positivity out of my own attitude. Yes, you absolutely read that right. Hard to believe? Not really, if you think about it. I'm human. It's what we do. We pump ourselves up and then with one swift movement of someone else's tongue, we allow ourselves to crumble. I've spent two and a half years working on being a more positive person and THAT quickly, in what felt like the blink of an eye, I could feel that positive foundation start to crack and then crumble. It's hard to be around a person for a great length of time and NOT be affected by their moods and attitudes. This is one reason I began, awhile ago, to eliminate those 'toxic' people from my life. I couldn't stand to always be sucked into drama, whiny conversations, 'whoa is me' attitudes and yet, here I sit, allowing it to happen again. There is good news though. I've recognized it earlier on this time. I can see that is what is happening to me and I DO NOT LIKE IT. I won't fib, it will be very hard to eliminate this negative force from my life, but I will do the best I can try to keep those negative words, comments, and attitudes at arm's length. I can try to keep telling myself that I am better than the negative forces that are chipping away at the happy person I've come to enjoy being.
Starting right now…today…..I am promising myself that I will
NOT allow this type of moody, negative behavior, you know the type….the toxic one,
who will use his or her mood swings to intimidate and manipulate, to bring
others into their own miserable world….to have ANY control in my life. If you truly watch this Negative Nelly
closely, you will notice that their attitude is overly self-referential. They
cannot talk about anything other than THEIR lives, THEIR happenings, THEIR
perceived wrongs. They switch conversations mid-stream if they feel they cannot
add anything to what is being discussed. They try to switch the focus to their
wants, their needs. The relationships they do find themselves in are
prioritized according to how each one can be used to meet their selfish needs.
I am officially done with this type of person. Officially over being brought
down by negative forces. Positivity is the key!
Until tomorrow, my friends....eliminate that toxicity from your life and choose to see the bright side, see all that life has to offer! Be positive!
Happy Easter from Think Thankfully! I’ve taken a bit of a
break from writing as the Easter holiday approached. In renewing my faith, I’ve
really started to take a lot into consideration as secular holidays come
around. While all the children excitedly awaited the arrival of the Easter
Bunny, hitting up local egg hunts, searching for the best spot to capture their
picture with the Bunny, hoping for lots of candy, chocolates, and presents, I
was excitedly awaiting the resurrection of my Lord and Savior.
I know I have always said I would not make this a
religiously set blog, however, I have come to realize in my little absence from
writing, that much of the cause of my thankfulness is because of my faith. This morning, as I walked the .75 miles from
my home to the cemetery on the hill for the annual 6am Easter Sunrise (Dawn)
Service, things became extremely clear to me in this journey I am on.
Let me backtrack a little bit. As you may remember, I spent
a few years of my life away from the church. I had a very bad experience with a
previous minister and simply felt the foundation of my faith crumble under my
feet. Much like Christ on the cross, I felt forsaken by the One I never thought
(and was taught) would never do such a thing. I spent time wandering through
this life wondering just what I believed.
I found my way back to my church with the arrival of a new
minister, Pastor Denton Kees. It took me a little bit, but that man of the
cloth, in his own gentle way, helped me find my way back to the fold. I started
attending church more regularly and this past January, I was elected to serve
on our Church Council (which I am enjoying so far……).
As Easter approached, I spent a lot of time in reflection. I
attended Maundy Thursday Services, where I heard a remarkable message from
Pastor Gail Kees (Pastor Denton’s wonderful wife). The tone was set for the
next three days for me. As Good Friday arrived, I followed my annual tradition
of starting my day watching The Passion of the Christ. This year, it hit home
much more than it ever has. I still weep at the suffering Jesus Christ endured
for ME. My frame of mind and the innermost feelings in my heart were put in the
right spot for the waiting….the anxious anticipation of Christ’s Resurrection.
Last night, I set my alarm for 5:15am. I was going to attend
the 6am Easter Sunrise Service on the cemetery. It was a tradition I always
enjoyed as a youngster. I would be the only one in my family who would wake up,
get ready, and trudge across the yard to catch a ride with my neighbors,
Ruthie and Merritt. As I got older, it became a yearly tradition to meet my
friend, Paul, in front of the church and together we’d walk up the hill to the
service. A few times as I grew up, I attended the services, but it has been a
few years since I felt it important to wake up and go. Until this year…..
The alarm sounded and I got up without hesitation, threw on
my sweats and a baseball hat. I had hoped that my 16 year old daughter would
join me, and I know she set her alarm and did wake up, but I believe she fell
back to sleep. It was a little pinch of disappointment, but I understand. She’s
not quite there yet in her faith journey. I left my house at 5:40 to start
walking. Now, .75 miles doesn’t seem like a lot, however, it is quite the hill
to climb. It’s not an easy grade to trek up, especially as you get older. At
one point, about halfway up the hill, I began to rethink my option. It would be
so much easier to just turn around and walk back home. I was short on breath,
it was chilly, and I had a little bit of a climb yet. And then, it all came
together and my mind swirled with images of Christ carrying His cross up the
hill to Golgotha, already beaten down, spit on, ridiculed, and yet He carried
that cross up a hill knowing what was going to happen once He reached the top.
If He could do it, meeting a far more terrible fate than I would at the top, I,
too, can make it. And so I trudged on.
I made it. I arrived at the top in time to be asked to be a
reader. What an honor. To many, it wouldn’t seem like much, but to me, to be
asked to read at the Resurrection service of my Lord, my Savior was a true
honor for me. We celebrated through song, prayer, scripture, sermon, and praise
for our Risen Lord. I watched the beautiful sunrise come through the trees on
the far edge of the cemetery and I smiled, knowing my Redeemer lives!
The whole walk home, I kept humming the Casting Crowns song,
Oh Glorious Day! I am so thankful to have been led back. I am so thankful that,
while there are baskets filled on my table for my family, I was raised to know
and understand the true meaning of Easter. I am thankful that through my own
reflections, I will walk into church this morning, praising the fact that
Christ is Risen, and not just saying it, but believing it with my whole heart.
"Glorious Day
(Living He Loved Me)"
One day when Heaven
was filled with His praises
One day when sin was
as black as could be
Jesus came forth to
be born of a virgin
Dwelt among men, my
example is He
Word became flesh and
the light shined among us
His glory revealed
[Chorus:]
Living, He loved me
Dying, He saved me
Buried, He carried my
sins far away
Rising, He justified
freely forever
One day He's coming
Oh glorious day, oh
glorious day
One day they led Him
up Calvary's mountain
One day they nailed
Him to die on a tree
Suffering anguish,
despised and rejected
Bearing our sins, my
Redeemer is He
Hands that healed
nations, stretched out on a tree
And took the nails
for me
[Chorus]
One day the grave
could conceal Him no longer
One day the stone
rolled away from the door
Then He arose, over
death He had conquered
Now He's ascended, my
Lord evermore
Death could not hold
Him, the grave could not keep Him
From rising again
[Chorus]
One day the trumpet
will sound for His coming
One day the skies
with His glories will shine
Wonderful day, my
Beloved One, bringing
My Savior, Jesus, is
mine
[Chorus]
Glorious day, Oh,
Glorious day
Christ is risen, my friends…..He is risen, indeed. Until
tomorrow……Happy Easter
It has been a very trying week, hence the lack of blog postings. It is hard to write positively when you don't feel so positive yourself. I thought I could conquer this feeling, but it has been festering all week until this morning. My daughter's boyfriend sent me a SnapChat video last night. While I was already asleep when it was sent and didn't get it til this morning, once I saw it, I knew there was a reason for that happening. Now, while I am not sure he meant to send it to me, I like to think he sees my Facebook posts and is quite intuitive to what's going on in my little corner of the world here in Pennsylvania. Once I saw it was a video, I eagerly waited for it to load so I could watch. Secretly, I was hoping it was another humorous one with one of his instrument students (he's a band director/instrumental music teacher - and a darn good one, too!). Not at all. It may not have been what I was expecting, but it was just what I needed. As the video starts, it is him, lip synching to the most perfect part of Mariah Carey's song, Hero....."So when you feel like hope is gone, look inside you and be strong." WOW. Just what this Momma needed this morning as I enter day 4 of what could be hell on earth.
Hope. A simple 4 letter word. HOPE. Yup, count them, 4 letters long.
HOPE (hōp) :
noun
1. a feeling of expectation and desire for a certain thing to
happen.
"he looked through her belongings in the hope of coming
across some information"
2. a person or thing that may help or save someone.
"their only hope is surgery"
3. grounds for believing that something good may happen.
"he does see some hope for the future"
synonyms: hopefulness,
optimism, expectation, expectancy; More
antonyms: pessimism
4. a feeling of trust.
verb
1.want something to happen or be the case.
"he's hoping for an offer of compensation"
synonyms: expect,
anticipate, look for, be hopeful of, pin one's hopes on, want;
Hope. Hope is a belief that circumstances in the future will be
better. It's NOT simply a wish that things will get better, but an actual belief, even
when there may be no evidence that anything will change, that things will be better. Hope can encompass a
wide variety of beliefs -- everything from an athlete hoping for that college scholarship to a cancer patient hoping for a cure. Hope is the word we hear over anything.
Believe it or not, hope wasn’t always considered a good
thing. Back in earlier times, poets and writers dismissed the concept of hope as a
cruel joke of higher beings. To them, it was an illusion that lured gullible, dimwitted people
to believe in a better future, only to let them down in the end. To them, and
they wrote about it, hope was just another word for disappointment, being let down, a falsity of man.
To a sailor lost at sea, a small blip of light in the distance is hope of soon being back on solid ground. To the woman longing for a child, hope is the news that she is finally pregnant. To the serviceman or woman, hope is word that they are finally coming home from a years long deployment. And to me, hope is that reminder to look inside myself for the strength I need to get through whatever it is I am facing in these last days of the school year.
It hasn't been easy these past few days and at one point, I truly gave up hope. I gave up feeling as if anything good would happen for me. Not anymore, thanks to my daughter's boyfriend. I am facing today and each of the remaining 45 days with all the hope in the world that I WILL make it through this school year, I WILL be the best I can be, and I WILL call this year a success. Hope rests inside me. Who is anyone else to take that hope away from me. Hope is NOT a disappointment, it is the fire that drives me to keep pushing forward when everything else is pushing against me. Hope is the reminder to look inside myself and be strong. I am the hero of my own life!
There will be days when you feel like the world is crumbling
beneath your feet, as if every good thing you have ever done has been trumped by
something or someone else. There will be days when you wonder if you can keep going
along this path, like you continue to take every wrong turn along the way. There will be days that test your patience and build your
character, days that you simply do whatever it takes to make it through without
hurting someone or saying something you will end up regretting. There will be days when you just want to put your head down
and cry. There will be days when you really want to quit, when you just can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel. Today is one of those days for me.
There will be days just like these throughout your life
because you’re human after all. But just remember that it’s on days like this
that the true reflection of who you are shines through. It’s on days like this that you show the
world what you are made of.
To quote one of my favorite storybook characters, Alexander,
“Today was a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.” My strength, patience,
and fortitude have been tested to their outermost limits today. Today has been
one of those days that has me questioning everything about my life as I know it,
with the exception of my relationships. I’m feeling pretty solid about those,
and it feels good to come home from a day like this to a loving husband, who
allows me to vent! God Bless him.
As my own terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day
progressed on, I received a message on the great book of Faces from a friend
who needed some ‘positive’ advice. It killed me. At that moment in time, I
seriously wanted to say…..’ASK SOMEONE ELSE, MY LIFE SUCKS RIGHT NOW’, but I
did not. I knew I was needed. I knew THIS is why I created Think Thankfully.
This is one of my gifts to the world and there was no way I was letting her
down. I told her I’d message her back when I got home and had a clearer head.
And then it struck me…..
Sometimes it pays to actually take your own advice. Although to be honest, today will probably
not go into the archives of my life as the absolutely worst day of my life, on
a professional level it ranks very high on the list. While many tell me to take all the stuff
being placed before me as an indication of how wonderful my classroom is run,
that does not help me…..the perfectionist, the teacher with the high standards
not just for her students but for herself, the one who feels that no matter how
good I am, I’ll always be dumped on and no one listens. Yes, I’m venting. Yes,
this is my outlet. Do I love my job….yes, but I don’t love the sincere tests of
my ability that I have been up against lately. Today, I’m feeling as though my
best will always get me more frustrations.
I came home today completely stressed with my blood pressure
beginning to skyrocket, tears welling in my eyes, my voice reaching abnormal
altitudes when talking, and I immediately hit the Cool Ranch Doritos (in case
you missed it, I’m a serious stress eater). As I sat here, breaking out the
Microsoft Word to write my frustrations away, it occurred to me that I’d be
giving people some sort of advice with this blog. But what advice would I be
giving when the world seems to be walking all over you? What could I possibly
say to anyone to make a terrible day seem not so terrible? How do I seriously
handle situations (or days) like this? Well, here’s what we do:
We faced the trouble head on. When those worst of days come rushing at us
like an out of control freight train, it never does any good to try to live in
denial of what is happening. At best, it
will just prolong the agony. So what do
we do? We face it. It is there. We cannot deny it or ignore it. For me, I
cannot change the events that are happening. I’ve got absolutely NO CONTROL
over the end result, but I do have control over what happens after and that
might be ok for me. Rather that wallow in self-pity and stress, I will face
what comes along. Perhaps I can be like Superman and just stretch out my arms
and stop it all, but that’s highly unlikely, so face it I will!
We control what we can in the
situation and let the rest of the chips fall where they may. When we face what
we feel might just be the worst day of our life, either we should take control of
what we can or we just accept that there is nothing we can really do.
From time to time, our days will be filled with complete and
utter chaos and frustration. There will be days when we want to pack it in, quit, walk away. There will be times when we cannot control what is
happening, but rather we must deal with the hand that’s dealt us. Face those
difficulties head on. Control what you can. And in the end, realize….’Mom says
there are days like this, even in Australia.’
This is an image I absolutely LOVE. It says so much to us
about how we view ourselves. Too many times, our insecurities, depression, poor
self-image, among a whole host of other negative feelings, begin to take over
and we start to fall deep into a dark, dark hole. We allow ourselves to think we are not worthy of greatness. We see ourselves as timid kittens rather than big game cats! It is ALL in how we view
ourselves!
Take a look at the image above. How many times have you looked in a mirror and seen that 'larger than life' image of yourself? How
many times have you looked into the mirror and truly LOVED the person you see looking
back? I'd be willing to bet that it doesn't happen too often. I know for me, it rarely does. I often see what my head has tricked me to believe. It doesn't matter how many times my husband tells me I'm beautiful, fantastic, gorgeous.....I don't see that. I know I suffer from low self-esteem, but I'm trying to see myself better, like the big, fierce tiger....I'm working on it!
In plain and simple words, self-esteem refers to your
opinion of self. High self-esteem means you hold yourself in high regard,
whereas low self-esteem means you do not have a good opinion about yourself and
can end up causing depression, anxiety, and issues with self-worth. Self-esteem
refers to how much you value yourself and how important YOU think YOU are. It
isn’t about what others may think of you, but rather self-esteem is a measure
of how you see yourself and how you feel about your life and your achievements.
Self-esteem is not about bragging about yourself, it’s
actually knowing within yourself, that you are worthy of the best, that you DESERVE the
best. It is about loving and accepting yourself just the way you are – not
about thinking you are perfect (let's face it...nobody is). It’s about looking into that mirror
and seeing a big ol’ tiger rather than a little bity housecat! It’s about LOVING
YOURSELF first! Until tomorrow..... Think Thankfully!!!
Recently, a very good friend of mine (in fact, I consider her a sista from another missus and mista) celebrated a
birthday. She spent the day with her very best friend, doing all kinds of best friend stuff. Before calling it a day
and returning to her ‘stomping ground’ (which is in fact the amazing tavern,
Lizard Creek Tavern, that she is the general manager of), she and her friend
got tattoos. Each of them got the same tattoo that symbolizes their friendship. And
then, my dear friend took hers one step farther. She had a single arrow
tattooed between the middle and top knuckle of her left ring finger. I found that to be a bit odd until she said
something to this effect, “An arrow can only be shot by pulling it backward.
When life is dragging you back with difficulties, it means it’s going to launch
you into something great. So just focus, and keep aiming.” (mind you, that is not HER quote, but a quote she used) She finished off the
explanation by saying, “I’m shooting forward, baby.”
That seriously got me thinking. In fact, I have not stopped thinking about what it means and how important the message is since seeing it last Friday night. It truly made me step back and think about the obstacles that I have faced throughout my life and the
obstacles I continue to face each and every day. I’ve struggled with being an
outcast in middle school, becoming a teenaged mom in high school, college life,
grad school, work, death of loved ones, the critic within myself and all the
insecurities that come along with being better than Siskle and Ebert. And then I couldn't stop thinking of where I am today. Where my arrow launched me to and where I can still be launched towards. I couldn't believe how accurate and true that quote really was and what a great reminder it could be for anyone. When you set
goals for yourself and then keep in mind what all the obstacles, the
struggles, and the heartache that will occur will eventually lead to, the only way to go is forward into greatness.
I encourage anyone who is holding back because of
fear, lack of money, or a busy work schedule: Make time for the things you
have wanted to do or have been afraid to do. Once you make it through all those pesky obstacles that life always manages to present, you are truly launched towards something great! Complete awesomeness is always waiting at the end. Like the arrow,
you will be pulled back, but always remember that you are then launched forward and the distance you go is
entirely up to you!
There is nothing more powerful than being comfortable in your own skin. Being who you are and accepting it. Being happy with what you've been given. Easier said than done, huh? After a spectacular day yesterday, I watched the local news and saw myself. EEEEEEEK. Instant self awareness took place and I realized I look like holy crap again. I seriously put on so much weight that I so proudly took off nearly three years ago. Here we go again. Nothing in the closet fits, I feel like I'm stuffing 10 pounds of sausage into a 5 pound casing every time I get dressed anymore but seeing it on the television. Oh my! My night was cut very short. Pretty sure I was in bed and wallowing in self pity at around 7:30pm. I missed Criminal Minds. I missed some texts from my daughter (and my husband, too). I tried to hide myself away from a world that wasn't even looking. Silly me. Being comfortably with who you are is tough in our society. All around us are images of slender people. Well toned people. Even the styles of clothing these days are driven for the skinny person. As I sit here writing, I am trying to reflect on my weight loss journey. Sure I felt real good being thinner. I enjoyed that, but for who? I've always felt like I was never good enough for anyone. I was in a relationship where I had to weigh under a certain weight, look a certain way, be toned and muscular because I wasn't good enough to be seen with if I wasn't. I learned it didn't matter. It wasn't love and no matter how I looked, I'd never be quite right. That's a hard pill to swallow. It creates a lifetime of insecurities, no matter who comes along to love you after that. Right at this moment, I feel very poorly about myself. I'm angry that I let myself go again. I'm frustrated that my willpower seems to have walked away (probably with the healthy foods I used to eat). I'm not 100% happy with myself at the moment. But the truth of the matter is, I realize it. I know I will get to a comfortable spot again. I know I am loved for more than what my jeans size is. I'm happy in life and that counts for a lot. People often think that just because you aren't happy with yourself at the moment, you can't possibly be happy in life. I disagree. I'm happily married to an amazing man, I have two very awesome daughters, and I have a job I do enjoy going to far more often than not! I'm happy in life, just not happy with myself right now. But it will change. That much I can assure you! There is nothing more powerful than being comfortably in your own skin. I plan to get that power back....watch me! Until tomorrow, my friends.... Think Thankfully!!!
I am a firm believer of this. Sometimes it's hard, I know! For me, this morning was one of those mornings I wasn't so sure my day would go as swimmingly as I had hoped it would. I knew I'd be down a staff member in my room today and I wasn't sure who (or even IF) I'd have a sub in her place. That is a great big stressor of mine. Can two of us handle the room on our own, ABSOLUTELY. Is it easier with three.....ABSOLUTELY! After dropping my daughter off at the high school today, my ride to work consisted of The Message Sirius station (channel 63 for those who care). As I pulled out onto Route 209, the Casting Crowns song Voice of Truth came on and I immediately let go.....and figured I'd better just let God. The voice of truth says 'DO NOT BE AFRAID.'
As I said to my parents' in their daily note home, I cannot even begin express what kind of day I had. I feel like words won't even do it justice! Perhaps I should give you a glimpse into what my classroom is made up of. I teach in an elementary emotional support classroom that is run by a local Intermediate Unit. My class is currently made up of 2 Kindergarteners, 4 1st graders, 2 2nd graders, and 4 3rd graders. Of those numbers, I have five different academic groupings within the 12 students. An emotional support classroom is exactly as it sounds. My students (most of them) deal with significant social, emotional, and behavioral disabilities that impact their learning in a regular education setting. We deal with behaviors.....lots of them. It's a challenging job, but one I truly love, despite sometimes feeling like a failure at it. My wee ones are a unique bunch because they are soooooooooooooo different. All 12 of them. YET.....they are all so similar! When you remove their disabilities, they are all wee ones. They are not, in my eyes, defined by their disabilities. They are defined as being the most amazing bunch of wee ones. And today.....they deserve a blog posting.
So, my class is driven by structure and schedule. Our day is built around it. My wee ones depend on it. When the schedule is out of whack, so are they. Understandably so. I feel like the past two weeks have been out of whack for us, yet they handled themselves amazingly well. We've had to deal with PSSA State Testing and a 2 hour delay and changes in group times and me being out the classroom for meetings. It's put a real damper on what they know as being structured and on schedule. Knowing that our day was, once again going to be turned all topsy turvy due to our classroom constant, Ms Bonnie, being out, we had to change up our group schedule again because of an assembly at the end of the day. It was decided that we'd focus this morning on our Science project, knowing deep down that this could spell sudden disaster for us.
We are working on a multi stage project. My class created their own dinosaurs. From the design, they brought those dinosaurs to 3D with air dry clay. Seeing as they didn't follow directions all too well, their dinosaurs were starting to fall apart at the seams. I worried that when we added paint to that clay, it would be the end of the dinosaurs, much like that big bang theory stuff. I prompted the wee ones, telling them that we would, indeed paint our projects BUT.....I was not going to listen to any complaining or whining if their projects fell apart. I explained that sometimes our best set plans fall apart and we just have to roll with it.
With the group tables covered in newspapers, we had the students sit around the table. We handed out the clay projects. We started to take paint requests. And then the magic seemed to happen! Words of encouragement to one another, pleases and thank yous started flowing as paint was shared, giggles and hard work, and NOT ONE COMPLAINT! NOT ONE MENTION OF FRUSTRATION! My wee ones worked for over an hour creating some of the most beautifully painted dinosaurs I have EVER seen! There was not one drop of paint spilled on the table, not one drop of paint spilled on the floor, not one unkind word uttered. If you didn't know what kind of classroom I had, you would NEVER have known it walking into my room today. I spent a lot of time washing out paint brushes, paint cups, and just hanging back by the classroom sink smiling. My heart brimming with pride at what I was witnessing among a group of wee ones who many times, have trouble playing together nicely. It was the first in a series of events today that warmed my heart beyond compare.
As they finished up their painting, they headed back to their seats, found something quietly to work on while the others finished, and waited patiently for our "Wilbur time". I've been reading Charlotte's Web to them in our down time. I've never seen students so engaged in listening to a story. They want every juicy detail...they know the characters by name, can quote them, and learned a little bit of Latin, too. Magnum Opus....great work. The wee ones in Room 101 are my magnum opus. They are my great work.
And then.....the finale of our day today was our attendance at a Raising the House Pie in the Face assembly. I had the distinct pleasure of being 'pied' in the face by two students who earned the privilege of being the pie chuckers by winning a bit of a classroom challenge. To see my wee ones, laughing and cheering, enjoying the moment of seeing their teacher with a completely whipped cream face....well, it was just overwhelming to me. I'm not going to lie. I had tears in my eyes (I blamed the whipped cream that dripped in there, but honestly, I was overwhelmed). Sure, we ended the day with some behaviors to note, but that's all in a day in Room 101.
At the beginning of this year, I wasn't so sure I was cut out to be the elementary emotional support teacher. I spent so much time at the high school level that I was pretty sure this move would kill me. While I am still not 100% sure that THIS is where I belong, I can say that when I see the behavioral growth in these wee ones, when they are using words rather than fists, when they slouch in their chairs because they are mad and are NOT flipping desks, when they smile and say, 'You are the best'....well, then I can't seem to feel lost on this journey anymore. And when my one wee one, who came to me pretty much non-verbal gives me a smile, a hug, and an "I love you", well....I guess I'm doing ok. And when I am hugged by nearly each wee one on their way out the door to their buses at the end of the day, my heart is warmed and I am thankful I am where I am.
I realized way too late last night that I never promoted yesterday's blog. Prior to the tower taking a dump, I had my routine. I woke up, got ready, headed for the downstairs, and blogged. Seemed like after a good night's sleep, I was always able to write. After writing and publishing the blog posting, I'd head over to the FB page and set it up so that the blog would show as a status at some point during the day.
In the two months that my tower was in the shop, I fell out of that routine. I became a morning sloth, making sure I play each of my Snoopy games on the iPad before heading out the door to work. Even this morning, I fell short of getting back into the routine. I did my morning 'get ready' routine and then came downstairs and made sure Snoopy's Candy Town and Snoopy's Street Fair were all taken care of for the day. As my daughter came downstairs, I realized I had a blog to write!
Trust me, I do feel a strong urgency in writing. Since my routine was messed up, the urge to write comes at weird moments, when I am not able to access the blogger site. I've started resorting to writing things down as they strike me, perhaps that's what writers do.
It is amazing to me how we get tied to our routines and once they are messed up, forget it. Seems like it takes three times as long to get back in the swing of things. I find that happening more and more in my life. I've put weight back on (not happy about that), fell out of the walking/exercising routine, stopped reading, and even slowed down with my writing (although that wasn't entirely my conscious fault). All these routines that I had once been so fervent in following are all seeming like distant memories to me right now.
Perhaps I need to become more of a 'go with the flow' kind of person, but I guess I have come to realize that I need my routines. I need to know what I'm doing at what time. I need to have a plan and stick to it. I'm thankful for some eye opening realizations.
What an empowering three words. TODAY I WILL. Just saying it makes me feel like I can conquer anything I put my mind to! When I wake up in the morning, trudge off to the bathroom to get myself ready for the day, I give myself a little pep talk. It usually starts with.....TODAY I WILL.
Three little words. TODAY I WILL. Three little words that make a lot of difference if used on a daily basis, honestly. TODAY I WILL. In using daily intentions (such as "TODAY I WILL") we are helping ourselves to work toward becoming the person we truly and honestly want to be,
doing it one small step at a time. TODAY I WILL…three little words that
encourage us to declare our intentions for the day ahead, reflect on progress
we may have made up to that point, and subsequently live life a little better than the day before it. TODAY I WILL.
I have often encouraged my friends to keep a gratitude journal. Whether it be when the mood strikes you, or at the end of the day, jot down some things you are thankful for in that day. Recognize that even the bad days produce things to be thankful for. Sometimes, this is a difficult task for people to do. Believing they may sound silly at being thankful for something as silly as toothpaste, they feel that their expressions of gratitude have to be something of a grand scale. Now you and I both know that this is not the case, but some people just can't bring themselves to be thankful. Perhaps starting with a daily intention journal in the morning may help on the road to being more thankful. Wake up and immediately set your mind to the day's intention. TODAY I WILL.....be happier, not let people get to me, sing a song out loud, say hello to a stranger, pay it forward with a random act of kindness......ANYTHING! Just tell yourself that TODAY I WILL and then go out and DO IT! Make it happen!
As I was scrolling through my personal Facebook page (which I am so very close to eliminating from my life), I saw a status update from a special relative of mine. He posted his very own thankful post today. It meant the world to me to see it today, because I know he's been struggling a lot these past two months. I know how he is feeling because I was in his shoes four years ago. When I commented to him that his post made my heart happy, he responded with this: It's hard to think thankfully. Not giving a sob story but my
family and friends know that there are to many demons in my head. Right now, I
see your post and I decided that maybe it will turn my head around. So thank you...
My friends.....THIS is why I do what I do. It is my hope that TODAY......someone else will realize the benefit of Think Thankfully. TODAY......someone else will join our journey and become a more thankful person. TODAY......I will continue writing and posting in the hope that I will be able to reach just one person who needs it the most. TODAY, I WILL continue my own Think Thankfully journey (and I sure am glad you are all on this journey with me.). TODAY, I WILL................
Happy last day of March 2014! I can hardly believe that the last time I truly sat down to write was February 11. I remember the day well, as it was my birthday AND the 1st angelversary of a special little girl in my life. Here we now are, the last day of March, and I have a 2 hour delay! WOW!
So, let me take this time to tell you, I had an extremely amazing experience during the time we were apart. On March 20, I was asked to go along to a Contemporary Christian concert featuring the Casting Crowns. Of course, I said yes....Next to MercyMe and Third Day, I was a fan of Casting Crowns. WOW! I can hardly contain my feelings when I think back to how amazing that concert was! I was so eager to write about it, so eager to put into words what I was feeling. To say it moved me is an understatement. I'd be willing to say it did more than just move me....it pretty much lifted me and replanted me!
Also, during our time apart, we celebrated birthdays in the family! My mom and dad both had birthdays in the Month of March! I'd tell you how old they are, but I'm pretty sure you wouldn't believe me anyway! It always amazes me that my family sticks to tradition and always looks to have cake and ice cream for the birthday boy or girl. Doesn't matter how old you are, we still celebrate! Also, my beloved Grandma would have celebrated a birthday this month, too. I can say, with all honesty, this is the first year I wasn't all heartbroken over not having her here. Her birthday was recognized and honored, but it wasn't a day of sadness. I think I'm completely at peace.....
Write what you love.....love what you write. This whole Think Thankfully journey did not stop because I was missing my desktop for so long. The wonderful app developers at Facebook updated their page manager app and I am now given the wonderful choice of setting up the Think Thankfully Facebook page days in advance. I can schedule posts so that I don't have to feel ball and chained to the page. I collect my images and schedule for two days in advance. Our followers are almost up to 600! Our Journey to a Thousand Thankful Hearts is well underway! I love writing the positives. I love writing about things that make my heart smile. I love writing about the happy world around me. In keeping up with the page and now being back to writing again, I realize just how my life has changed. My happy days far outnumber the unhappy days. I've pushed mistrust and insecurities to a far, hidden corner of my world. I've realized that in order to live a happy life, we must BE happy....and it starts with ourselves.
I still see the 'whoa is me' statuses floating around on Facebook and it makes me sad. I still see people worrying so much about what others are or are not doing and it pains my heart. I truly wish people understood the message. If you want to be happy....then BE HAPPY. The only thing stopping you is YOU. I've lost some more 'friends' on Facebook because people think that if I don't comment or respond to things they post, I'm ignoring them. Not true. I've learned I am NOT living my life if I keep strapped to Facebook. I don't see a lot of things because I have significantly limited my time on it. Facebook is not life. My life is very busy. In addition to working 5 days a week, I still have a non-driving teen at home who is very active with sports and life. THIS is where I am needed. THIS is where I choose to be.
Write what you love, love what you write.....it feels so good to be back!
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! Feels so good to be back and able to blog again!
Let me start by apologizing for the lack of blog posts since February. My desktop tower finally konked out on me and until I was able to finally get it repaired (rather than replace it), I wasn't able to do my blogging. Sure I have an iPad, but it really isn't easy to blog on. Even tougher yet, is trying to blog on my phone. I guess I am one of those people who, once I do things on a certain platform, am completely unable to adjust to change!
A lot has happened since the last time we were together! I'm not even sure where to begin, so I will just say, I'm back and ready to write again!!!! A lot of things have been swimming through my head and I am eager to get back to writing on a somewhat daily basis!
Thanks for waiting! Sorry to have left so abruptly!
I cannot think of a better blog entry today, my birthday
blog, than to honor the life of my little Cancer Warrior Princess Angel, who is
celebrating her first angelversary today. Last year, I can remember sitting in
my classroom, celebrating the big 4-0 with my students and getting a text
message that would put my celebrations into a tailspin. I received word that my
little CWP had lost her battle with cancer and was now an angel. I was
heartbroken, yet so very happy, all at the same time. My little friend whom I
had never actually met, Ella Grace, was now an angel.
Truth be told, that little girl was an angel here on earth.
I’ve blogged about her before, but today, February 11, I choose to blog about
her again, because she deserves to be remembered today and forever! It is not our job to
even try to begin to explain why some things in life happen. I wish I knew why a little 4 year old girl was taken from us. I wish I knew why that blasted C word won that battle. I wish I could explain the reason for all the nonsense. Any time you hear
of a child losing their battle with a horrible disease, a whole host of
emotions enters your world. We seem to feel angry, sad. We begin to question
God and why he allows little ones to suffer. But
Ella, well, that little girl taught a lot of people a lot about living. Ella never
complained, always wore she smile (probably because it was the best accessory
for her tutu and flowery headbands), and inspired people to be the best they
could possibly be. I'm pretty sure that little girl went through what she did in order to teach us all a lesson about living, loving, and accepting our fate, come what may. I had the distinct pleasure of doing the Warrior Dash two
years ago as Ella’s Warrior, raising a ton of funds for St. Jude’s, all in the
name of Ella Grace Luchansky. It became a yearly tradition for me and my
daughters, as each year we WARRIOR ON in Ella’s name!
When I look back at the life my little Cancer Warrior
Princess Angel Ella Grace lived, I cannot help but be thankful for the gift of
that little girl in my life. Without ever meeting her, she has inspired me to
be a better person. She loved her tutus, headbands, purple, and glitter. She
giggled and smiled and always thought of others. She truly LIVED her life. So
many of us go through the motions of day to day living, completely overlooking
the things that are truly important in life. Ella Grace lived her little life
to love others, regardless of the battles she faced each and every day.
As I head out to work today, wearing my purple sweater
(because purple is my favorite color, too), my Live Like Ella shirt underneath,
and my purple converse, I am encouraging each and every one of you to go out
and LIVE LIKE ELLA today and every day. Honor the life of a special little
girl.
So, I told you that inspiration hits me at the weirdest moments! Remember the blog that was written from the bleachers of a high school basketball game? Well, this one is not much different. The inspiration for this blog comes from a beer bottle. Yes, you read that right, a beer bottle! The above image was taken at the Lizard Creek Tavern last night, as my best friend got a bottle of Underdog beer by Flying Dog Brewery. I always like to read their bottles, because they are quite inspirational, and much to my expectation, last night was no different!
And what a message it brings! Don't be the underdog! Keep your head up, stand tall, and carry on! Rule the board! Become the Kings and Queens of the game! WOW! Imagine if we all lived THIS life! Imagine if we all lived as big as we dreamed. Imagine if we all lived as if we truly had it all together and knew we couldn't fail! Imagine if we kept our heads up, stood tall, and carried on?!?! I was so inspired by the label of the bottle, I just had to snap it and use it. I wasn't sure if I wanted to use in ON the Think Thankfully Facebook page or here in the blog. I guess you can see which won out!
Today, my thought to you is short and sweet and it truly comes from the label of a bottle of beer. DON'T BE THE UNDERDOG IN THIS CRAZY GAME CALLED LIFE! NOW IS NO TIME TO BE A PAWN! THE KINGS AND QUEENS RULE THE BOARD, SO THAT'S WHO YOU'VE GOTTA BE!!!!!!!!!
It begs another little ditty to put into your head today.....Andy Grammer's Keep Your Head Up!
But you gotta keep your head up, oh,
And you can let your hair down, eh.
you gotta keep your head up, oh,
And you can let your hair down, eh.
I know it's hard, know its hard
To remember sometimes,
But you gotta keep your head up, oh,
And you can let your hair down, eh.
Make today a great day! I'm pulling for you! Think Thankfully!!!!
Hey there! Did you miss me? Sorry I've been MIA and I sincerely apologize for the big delay in blog postings. I've been a combination of busy AND had a bit of a lack of motivation. I warned you that the beginning of the month of February was a rough time for me. I've spent a lot of time this past week (or so) simply thinking. Thankfully, I did not allow myself to drown in self pity, sadness, or wallow in grief, but I did take some time to really think. Last Sunday was a very emotional day for me. It marked 4 years since my grandma passed away. It is always a very tough time for me, as I was always a grandma's girl. No secret there. My grandma was my world. I know I post a lot about her and you have heard it a million times. It really is no secret. Losing her felt like losing a huge chunk of my heart. I was pretty sure I would NEVER get over it. But I have. Now, in saying that, I do not mean that I am over the fact that I no longer have my grandma in the physical here and now, but I am over the deep sadness and loss I have felt for 4 long years. There are a few truths I am able to accept with regards to losing my grandma. First of all, my grandma is where she wanted to be since April of 2007. She is at home and with my grandfather. Second, she wants me to be happy. And third, she will NEVER leave me. It has taken me quite some time and a lot of thinking (plus a few 'visits' with the help of my wonderful friend who is a spiritual medium) for me to realize that my hurt and grief are all so selfish of me. So, as I sit here tonight, I can honestly say that I am no longer angry and bitter at losing my grandma. Not even one little bit. I'm thankful I have her with me all the time, watching and guiding me. I'm thankful I can still 'talk' to her and that she hears me. I'm thankful that I have a 'connection' to her and when I most need her, she makes herself known. I'm thankful that I've been shown the 'light' and have come to accept this. AND, I am also thankful I do not have to drink another Moxie (unless I really want to!!!). I guess it is safe to say, I'm back! Did ya miss me??? Think Thankfully!
