Live like ELLA ♥

I cannot think of a better blog entry today, my birthday blog, than to honor the life of my little Cancer Warrior Princess Angel, who is celebrating her first angelversary today. Last year, I can remember sitting in my classroom, celebrating the big 4-0 with my students and getting a text message that would put my celebrations into a tailspin. I received word that my little CWP had lost her battle with cancer and was now an angel. I was heartbroken, yet so very happy, all at the same time. My little friend whom I had never actually met, Ella Grace, was now an angel.

Truth be told, that little girl was an angel here on earth. I’ve blogged about her before, but today, February 11, I choose to blog about her again, because she deserves to be remembered today and forever! It is not our job to even try to begin to explain why some things in life happen. I wish I knew why a little 4 year old girl was taken from us. I wish I knew why that blasted C word won that battle. I wish I could explain the reason for all the nonsense. Any time you hear of a child losing their battle with a horrible disease, a whole host of emotions enters your world. We seem to feel angry, sad. We begin to question God and why he allows little ones to suffer. But Ella, well, that little girl taught a lot of people a lot about living. Ella never complained, always wore she smile (probably because it was the best accessory for her tutu and flowery headbands), and inspired people to be the best they could possibly be. I'm pretty sure that little girl went through what she did in order to teach us all a lesson about living, loving, and accepting our fate, come what may. I had the distinct pleasure of doing the Warrior Dash two years ago as Ella’s Warrior, raising a ton of funds for St. Jude’s, all in the name of Ella Grace Luchansky. It became a yearly tradition for me and my daughters, as each year we WARRIOR ON in Ella’s name!

When I look back at the life my little Cancer Warrior Princess Angel Ella Grace lived, I cannot help but be thankful for the gift of that little girl in my life. Without ever meeting her, she has inspired me to be a better person. She loved her tutus, headbands, purple, and glitter. She giggled and smiled and always thought of others. She truly LIVED her life. So many of us go through the motions of day to day living, completely overlooking the things that are truly important in life. Ella Grace lived her little life to love others, regardless of the battles she faced each and every day.

As I head out to work today, wearing my purple sweater (because purple is my favorite color, too), my Live Like Ella shirt underneath, and my purple converse, I am encouraging each and every one of you to go out and LIVE LIKE ELLA today and every day. Honor the life of a special little girl.

Until tomorrow, my friends……

Think Thankfully

You gotta keep your head up!

@FlyingDog Brewery (From Underdog bottle)

So, I told you that inspiration hits me at the weirdest moments! Remember the blog that was written from the bleachers of a high school basketball game? Well, this one is not much different. The inspiration for this blog comes from a beer bottle. Yes, you read that right, a beer bottle! The above image was taken at the Lizard Creek Tavern last night, as my best friend got a bottle of Underdog beer by Flying Dog Brewery. I always like to read their bottles, because they are quite inspirational, and much to my expectation, last night was no different!

And what a message it brings! Don't be the underdog! Keep your head up, stand tall, and carry on! Rule the board! Become the Kings and Queens of the game! WOW! Imagine if we all lived THIS life! Imagine if we all lived as big as we dreamed. Imagine if we all lived as if we truly had it all together and knew we couldn't fail! Imagine if we kept our heads up, stood tall, and carried on?!?! I was so inspired by the label of the bottle, I just had to snap it and use it. I wasn't sure if I wanted to use in ON the Think Thankfully Facebook page or here in the blog. I guess you can see which won out!

Today, my thought to you is short and sweet and it truly comes from the label of a bottle of beer. DON'T BE THE UNDERDOG IN THIS CRAZY GAME CALLED LIFE! NOW IS NO TIME TO BE A PAWN! THE KINGS AND QUEENS RULE THE BOARD, SO THAT'S WHO YOU'VE GOTTA BE!!!!!!!!!

It begs another little ditty to put into your head today.....Andy Grammer's Keep Your Head Up! 

But you gotta keep your head up, oh,

And you can let your hair down, eh.

you gotta keep your head up, oh,

And you can let your hair down, eh.

I know it's hard, know its hard

To remember sometimes,

But you gotta keep your head up, oh,

And you can let your hair down, eh.

Make today a great day! I'm pulling for you! Think Thankfully!!!!

Sorry, I've been MIA, but I'm back! Did ya miss me?!?!?!

Hey there! Did you miss me? Sorry I've been MIA and I sincerely apologize for the big delay in blog postings. I've been a combination of busy AND had a bit of a lack of motivation. I warned you that the beginning of the month of February was a rough time for me. I've spent a lot of time this past week (or so) simply thinking. Thankfully, I did not allow myself to drown in self pity, sadness, or wallow in grief, but I did take some time to really think.

Last Sunday was a very emotional day for me. It marked 4 years since my grandma passed away. It is always a very tough time for me, as I was always a grandma's girl. No secret there. My grandma was my world. I know I post a lot about her and you have heard it a million times. It really is no secret. Losing her felt like losing a huge chunk of my heart. I was pretty sure I would NEVER get over it. But I have. Now, in saying that, I do not mean that I am over the fact that I no longer have my grandma in the physical here and now, but I am over the deep sadness and loss I have felt for 4 long years.

There are a few truths I am able to accept with regards to losing my grandma. First of all, my grandma is where she wanted to be since April of 2007. She is at home and with my grandfather. Second, she wants me to be happy. And third, she will NEVER leave me. It has taken me quite some time and a lot of thinking (plus a few 'visits' with the help of my wonderful friend who is a spiritual medium) for me to realize that my hurt and grief are all so selfish of me.

So, as I sit here tonight, I can honestly say that I am no longer angry and bitter at losing my grandma. Not even one little bit. I'm thankful I have her with me all the time, watching and guiding me. I'm thankful I can still 'talk' to her and that she hears me. I'm thankful that I have a 'connection' to her and when I most need her, she makes herself known. I'm thankful that I've been shown the 'light' and have come to accept this. AND, I am also thankful I do not have to drink another Moxie (unless I really want to!!!).

I guess it is safe to say, I'm back! Did ya miss me???

Think Thankfully!

Prayers and remembering

Today's blog is going to be short and sweet. I am asking that the Think Thankfully Nation please keep my little brother, Travis, in your thoughts and prayers over the next 6 months as he deployed this morning for his 5th tour in the Middle East.

I'm truly at a loss for words this week, as it is my least favorite week of the year, and add to it the deployment of my little brother, I just feel like nothing I have to say will be worth much. With that being said, I am extremely proud of my brother's selfless sacrifice and his dedicated service to our great nation, The United States of America.

I am also asking you to remember the lives of the astronauts on the Space Shuttle Challenger, as today marks the 28th anniversary of the explosion just 73 seconds after lift off, killing all 7 on board, including one of my heroes, Sharon Christa McAuliffe, the first teacher in space. I remember sitting in my 7th grade Science class, watching. My teacher, Mr Eckhart had applied for the Teacher in Space program. We knew all about it and I was intrigued. At the moment of explosion, I can remember thinking, "Oh my...all the students that are watching this." and at that moment, I knew I wanted to inspire people the way Christa McAuliffe had inspired me. "I touch the future, I teach."

"They slipped the surly bonds of earth

To touch the face of God."

President Reagan January 28, 1986

Until tomorrow, my friends.....cherish those you love and never waste a minute on holding on to anger. Love deeply, always.

Think Thankfully

It's perfectly ok....

I am in a funk. I blame it on the time of year. I seem to have lost all motivation and desire to do anything. It is a feeling I do not like, nor do I want to keep in my life. I know I'll get over it, but for now, I am in a funk. And you know what? It is really ok!

This weekend has been a big old bag of yuck. My daughter has been battling a bit of a sickness all weekend long (ok, it isn't a bit of a sickness, she is SICK) but doesn't want to miss school, basketball, anything. She is run down, coughing up both lungs, a tad whiny, and just not her usual self. At 16 years old, I still feel sorry for her when she is feeling poorly, much like when she was a baby. It sucks. We spent all day yesterday couped up in the house (which hasn't helped my mood) and today followed suit (couped up all afternoon, going stir crazy). Yes, I am in a funk. And you know what? I AM ALLOWED TO BE!

For a long time after I started this whole Think Thankfully idea, I always thought that I had to put on a chipper face and smile through everything simply because that is what people now expected of me. I am no different that anyone else. I get frustrated, irritated, moody, and I, too, fall into a funk. And you know what??? It's perfectly ok, too!

It is very safe to say this past weekend, I felt sad, down, somewhat blue. Instead of kicking myself in the pants and trying to smile my way out of my funk (which I knew was not a reality because my heart and spirit wasn’t in it) I simply sat down to write it out. Yesterday was a wash. As much as I wanted to write, my time was needed with my daughter. Yes, a sick 16 year old still requires a lot of ‘mom time’ when she is sick. And guess what? That is perfectly ok with me!

While I talk and write about a positive attitude and always being thankful, I constantly remain 100%  realistic about everyone going through these ‘down days’ every once in awhile. So many people think that because you live a happy, positive life more often than not, you are immune to the ‘down days’. Wrong answer! As I sit here typing away, I want to scream, shout, let it all out….and more importantly, I want you to know – IT IS PERFECTLY OK TO FEEL THIS WAY! Sometimes we need to give ourselves permission to not do anything we simply don’t feel like doing (for a day or two), to just wallow a bit in some self pity, to cry if we need to, to have those ‘down days’. And you know what? It is ok! Give yourself that permission! It is perfectly OK!!!!

This much is true: I will get over it.  I know this feeling won’t last long. This funk has been here before (pretty much last year around this time) and I know as soon as I satisfy my need to just ‘be blue’, I will be right back on top of my game, spewing out the sparkly colors of the rainbow for everyone!!!

Until tomorrow, my friends…..don’t try to hide your feelings or pretend they don’t matter. They do! And it is PERFECTLY OK to feel down and blue once in awhile. It is healthy. Just don’t allow yourself to stay that way for too long!!!

Think Thankfully!

Memories, light the corners of my mind

This time of year is normally very rough for me. From today through my birthday, I find myself drifting towards a darkness I really despise. My heart becomes heavier and I long to go back in time. 

Five years ago today, we said goodbye to my Pappy. His passing was quite unexpected and came on the heels of losing my other grandfather, almost two years prior. My Pappy was a one of a kind guy, the kind of guy who would give you the shirt off his back, the most encouraging word, and always left you feeling like you were the most important person in his world. 

I was fortunate to have such an amazing man to call my Pappy Wip. He was known by almost everyone: the oil man (he worked for a local oil company), Wipper, Wip. Known for his fingerless salute (he lost two fingers in a press accident when he was younger), my Pappy always threw those fingers in the air as a sign of irritation, hello, or just to make his presence known. He surely was one of a kind. 

My Pappy didn't have to be my pappy. He came into my mother's life as a father figure when my mother and her sisters were just young girls. He loved my grandma through good times and bad and the year my mom married my dad, my grandma and pap got married, too! He was never a step anything, which is probably why I dislike the term step in my own family. 

My Pappy supported all our sports, all of our endeavors, everything we did. Everyone should be so fortunate to have a grandfather like Wip Kleintop was!!!

Today, as I walked into the Catasauqua High School gym to watch the Bomber Boys Basketball team, I felt the spirit of Wip Kleintop screaming at me. I knew that I had to write. So here I sit, in the bleachers while everyone else is watching a good JV game end, writing. 

To you, my sweet grandfather....5 years of missing you. I two fingerless salute you!!! And I'll have a 7&7 in your honor later!

Until tomorrow, my friends....

Think Thankfully!

What I think Marilyn Monroe's quote means.....

As I sit here today, writing this blog, the temperatures outside are registering at 7* (with a wind chill of -10*). Since being up this morning, I've watched The Golden Girls, vacuumed my downstairs and collected some garbage to go out tonight, enjoyed some games on the iPad, and just sat in the quiet of my living room. As I looked around the room, I couldn't help but smile when I took inventory of all the photographs we have displayed in our home. We've got tons of pictures of the kids, the grandkids, and the nieces, our parents, our siblings, my grandparents.....and then, there are a wonderful fair share of photographs of my husband and I.....and then I couldn't help but sit in total thanksgiving for the blessing of my husband in my life.

Being married to me has not always been easy. I am a difficult person to love at times. I can be very moody, easily have my feelings hurt, and I am a pro at distancing myself when I find myself in times of trial or tribulation. I am one of the most insecure people you will meet. I can be loud, opinionated, sarcastic, and at times embarrassing. Yes, I can be a very difficult person to love. Things have gotten a lot better since I started on this journey to be a more thankful, positive person, but I still have my lapses in positivity. It never ceases to amaze me how much my husband loves me, despite all my flaws. He truly is a blessing in my life. Sometimes, I expect to wake up and find this was all just a dream. Many times I feel as though I don't deserve his love and devotion. Far too often, I feel like I fail him in the category of loving him. Sure I always say, "I love you more", but the truth is, there is no possible way that is accurate. 

It warms my heart to see so many pictures of the two of us throughout our home. This is something that seriously lacked in my first marriage. There were next to no pictures of the two of us displayed in our house. Not this time. We have pictures of our first outings together, band nights where I would sit and watch in awe at my man's musical abilities, vacations together, and our wedding. So many happy memories made. So many smiles. Coming from a first marriage that ended quite bitterly, I never thought I was worthy of being loved like this. How wrong I was!!! All the pictures displayed are awesome reminders of how much we enjoy each other's company, how we enjoy being together, how in love we are.

I've often seen the image above floating around Facebook, some people using it as a 'get out of jail free card' for their negative way of living, their negative attitudes, their 'right' to be a self proclaimed 'b*tch' towards others and still feel as though they deserve the princess crown. Not me. First of all, this is the first time EVER I've used this quote on social media, because it doesn't give me the power to be the hard to love woman as much as it validates the idea that my husband and I share a true love for one another.....one in which he is able to truly love me at my worst. And my worst was truly bad. I put the man I love through hell years ago. In the early part of our relationship, I pushed him away, pulled back all the love I wanted to give him, ignored him, gave the cold shoulder.....totally unsure I was ready to walk completely away from a former life into something new (and at the time a bit scary). Did he walk away? Did he cast me out? Absolutely not. Could he have? Absolutely. I remember well him saying to me, "Go and do what it is you feel you need to do, but remember when it all crumbles apart again, I will be right here waiting for you, to love you as I have been loving you all along." I often think of that and I am reassured by those words. A man who puts up with the bullshit I've dealt sincerely deserves a medal of honor and I don't think I truly deserve him and his love as much as he deserves to be loved by me. He truly deserves me at my best, but my best is just that BECAUSE of him....because of what he has brought into my life, how he changed me.

There are moments we are together that I feel childish for always emphasizing to him how much he means to me, how much I love him. Sometimes I feel it is my penance for what I put him through those many years ago. There are times I feel as though no amount of 'I love you's' are enough for him to truly know what a difference he's made in my life. And as I sit here writing, I can't help but be moved to tears that someone as amazing as my husband, loves ME the way he does. Completely. Unconditionally. Through thick and thin.

I feel as though I am living my best life right now. Happy. Content. Positive. Thankful. My hope is that you are, too. 

Until tomorrow, my friends......

Think Thankfully.