....some days are like this, even in Australia

There will be days when you feel like the world is crumbling beneath your feet, as if every good thing you have ever done has been trumped by something or someone else. There will be days when you wonder if you can keep going along this path, like you continue to take every wrong turn along the way. There will be days that test your patience and build your character, days that you simply do whatever it takes to make it through without hurting someone or saying something you will end up regretting. There will be days when you just want to put your head down and cry. There will be days when you really want to quit, when you just can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel. Today is one of those days for me.

There will be days just like these throughout your life because you’re human after all. But just remember that it’s on days like this that the true reflection of who you are shines through.  It’s on days like this that you show the world what you are made of.

To quote one of my favorite storybook characters, Alexander, “Today was a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.” My strength, patience, and fortitude have been tested to their outermost limits today. Today has been one of those days that has me questioning everything about my life as I know it, with the exception of my relationships. I’m feeling pretty solid about those, and it feels good to come home from a day like this to a loving husband, who allows me to vent! God Bless him. 

As my own terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day progressed on, I received a message on the great book of Faces from a friend who needed some ‘positive’ advice. It killed me. At that moment in time, I seriously wanted to say…..’ASK SOMEONE ELSE, MY LIFE SUCKS RIGHT NOW’, but I did not. I knew I was needed. I knew THIS is why I created Think Thankfully. This is one of my gifts to the world and there was no way I was letting her down. I told her I’d message her back when I got home and had a clearer head. And then it struck me…..

Sometimes it pays to actually take your own advice.  Although to be honest, today will probably not go into the archives of my life as the absolutely worst day of my life, on a professional level it ranks very high on the list.  While many tell me to take all the stuff being placed before me as an indication of how wonderful my classroom is run, that does not help me…..the perfectionist, the teacher with the high standards not just for her students but for herself, the one who feels that no matter how good I am, I’ll always be dumped on and no one listens. Yes, I’m venting. Yes, this is my outlet. Do I love my job….yes, but I don’t love the sincere tests of my ability that I have been up against lately. Today, I’m feeling as though my best will always get me more frustrations.

I came home today completely stressed with my blood pressure beginning to skyrocket, tears welling in my eyes, my voice reaching abnormal altitudes when talking, and I immediately hit the Cool Ranch Doritos (in case you missed it, I’m a serious stress eater). As I sat here, breaking out the Microsoft Word to write my frustrations away, it occurred to me that I’d be giving people some sort of advice with this blog. But what advice would I be giving when the world seems to be walking all over you? What could I possibly say to anyone to make a terrible day seem not so terrible? How do I seriously handle situations (or days) like this? Well, here’s what we do:

We faced the trouble head on.  When those worst of days come rushing at us like an out of control freight train, it never does any good to try to live in denial of what is happening.  At best, it will just prolong the agony.  So what do we do? We face it.  It is there.  We cannot deny it or ignore it. For me, I cannot change the events that are happening. I’ve got absolutely NO CONTROL over the end result, but I do have control over what happens after and that might be ok for me. Rather that wallow in self-pity and stress, I will face what comes along. Perhaps I can be like Superman and just stretch out my arms and stop it all, but that’s highly unlikely, so face it I will!

We control what we can in the situation and let the rest of the chips fall where they may. When we face what we feel might just be the worst day of our life, either we should take control of what we can or we just accept that there is nothing we can really do.  

From time to time, our days will be filled with complete and utter chaos and frustration. There will be days when we want to pack it in, quit, walk away. There will be times when we cannot control what is happening, but rather we must deal with the hand that’s dealt us. Face those difficulties head on. Control what you can. And in the end, realize….’Mom says there are days like this, even in Australia.’

Until tomorrow, my friends….

Think Thankfully!!!!

Mirror Mirror on the Wall.....

This is an image I absolutely LOVE. It says so much to us about how we view ourselves. Too many times, our insecurities, depression, poor self-image, among a whole host of other negative feelings, begin to take over and we start to fall deep into a dark, dark hole. We allow ourselves to think we are not worthy of greatness. We see ourselves as timid kittens rather than big game cats! It is ALL in how we view ourselves!

Take a look at the image above. How many times have you looked in a mirror and seen that 'larger than life' image of yourself? How many times have you looked into the mirror and truly LOVED the person you see looking back? I'd be willing to bet that it doesn't happen too often. I know for me, it rarely does. I often see what my head has tricked me to believe. It doesn't matter how many times my husband tells me I'm beautiful, fantastic, gorgeous.....I don't see that. I know I suffer from low self-esteem, but I'm trying to see myself better, like the big, fierce tiger....I'm working on it!

In plain and simple words, self-esteem refers to your opinion of self. High self-esteem means you hold yourself in high regard, whereas low self-esteem means you do not have a good opinion about yourself and can end up causing depression, anxiety, and issues with self-worth. Self-esteem refers to how much you value yourself and how important YOU think YOU are. It isn’t about what others may think of you, but rather self-esteem is a measure of how you see yourself and how you feel about your life and your achievements.

Self-esteem is not about bragging about yourself, it’s actually knowing within yourself, that you are worthy of the best, that you DESERVE the best. It is about loving and accepting yourself just the way you are – not about thinking you are perfect (let's face it...nobody is). It’s about looking into that mirror and seeing a big ol’ tiger rather than a little bity housecat! It’s about LOVING YOURSELF first!

Until tomorrow.....

Think Thankfully!!!

Thoughts on an arrow.....

Recently, a very good friend of mine (in fact, I consider her a sista from another missus and mista) celebrated a birthday. She spent the day with her very best friend, doing all kinds of best friend stuff. Before calling it a day and returning to her ‘stomping ground’ (which is in fact the amazing tavern, Lizard Creek Tavern, that she is the general manager of), she and her friend got tattoos. Each of them got the same tattoo that symbolizes their friendship. And then, my dear friend took hers one step farther. She had a single arrow tattooed between the middle and top knuckle of her left ring finger. I found that to be a bit odd until she said something to this effect, “An arrow can only be shot by pulling it backward. When life is dragging you back with difficulties, it means it’s going to launch you into something great. So just focus, and keep aiming.” (mind you, that is not HER quote, but a quote she used) She finished off the explanation by saying, “I’m shooting forward, baby.”

That seriously got me thinking. In fact, I have not stopped thinking about what it means and how important the message is since seeing it last Friday night. It truly made me step back and think about the obstacles that I have faced throughout my life and the obstacles I continue to face each and every day. I’ve struggled with being an outcast in middle school, becoming a teenaged mom in high school, college life, grad school, work, death of loved ones, the critic within myself and all the insecurities that come along with being better than Siskle and Ebert. And then I couldn't stop thinking of where I am today. Where my arrow launched me to and where I can still be launched towards. I couldn't believe how accurate and true that quote really was and what a great reminder it could be for anyone. When you set goals for yourself and then keep in mind what all the obstacles, the struggles, and the heartache that will occur will eventually lead to, the only way to go is forward into greatness.

I encourage anyone who is holding back because of fear, lack of money, or a busy work schedule: Make time for the things you have wanted to do or have been afraid to do. Once you make it through all those pesky obstacles that life always manages to present, you are truly launched towards something great! Complete awesomeness is always waiting at the end. Like the arrow, you will be pulled back, but always remember that you are then launched forward and the distance you go is entirely up to you!

Until tomorrow, my friends……

Think Thankfully!!!

Be comfortable with who you are.....

There is nothing more powerful than being comfortable in your own skin. Being who you are and accepting it. Being happy with what you've been given. Easier said than done, huh?

After a spectacular day yesterday, I watched the local news and saw myself. EEEEEEEK. Instant self awareness took place and I realized I look like holy crap again. I seriously put on so much weight that I so proudly took off nearly three years ago. Here we go again. Nothing in the closet fits, I feel like I'm stuffing 10 pounds of sausage into a 5 pound casing every time I get dressed anymore but seeing it on the television. Oh my!

My night was cut very short. Pretty sure I was in bed and wallowing in self pity at around 7:30pm. I missed Criminal Minds. I missed some texts from my daughter (and my husband, too). I tried to hide myself away from a world that wasn't even looking. Silly me.

Being comfortably with who you are is tough in our society. All around us are images of slender people. Well toned people. Even the styles of clothing these days are driven for the skinny person. As I sit here writing, I am trying to reflect on my weight loss journey. Sure I felt real good being thinner. I enjoyed that, but for who? I've always felt like I was never good enough for anyone. I was in a relationship where I had to weigh under a certain weight, look a certain way, be toned and muscular because I wasn't good enough to be seen with if I wasn't. I learned it didn't matter. It wasn't love and no matter how I looked, I'd never be quite right. That's a hard pill to swallow. It creates a lifetime of insecurities, no matter who comes along to love you after that.

Right at this moment, I feel very poorly about myself. I'm angry that I let myself go again. I'm frustrated that my willpower seems to have walked away (probably with the healthy foods I used to eat). I'm not 100% happy with myself at the moment. But the truth of the matter is, I realize it. I know I will get to a comfortable spot again. I know I am loved for more than what my jeans size is. I'm happy in life and that counts for a lot. People often think that just because you aren't happy with yourself at the moment, you can't possibly be happy in life. I disagree.

I'm happily married to an amazing man, I have two very awesome daughters, and I have a job I do enjoy going to far more often than not! I'm happy in life, just not happy with myself right now. But it will change. That much I can assure you!

There is nothing more powerful than being comfortably in your own skin. I plan to get that power back....watch me!

Until tomorrow, my friends....

Think Thankfully!!!

A day in the life....Room 101.

I am a firm believer of this. Sometimes it's hard, I know! For me, this morning was one of those mornings I wasn't so sure my day would go as swimmingly as I had hoped it would. I knew I'd be down a staff member in my room today and I wasn't sure who (or even IF) I'd have a sub in her place. That is a great big stressor of mine. Can two of us handle the room on our own, ABSOLUTELY. Is it easier with three.....ABSOLUTELY! After dropping my daughter off at the high school today, my ride to work consisted of The Message Sirius station (channel 63 for those who care). As I pulled out onto Route 209, the Casting Crowns song Voice of Truth came on and I immediately let go.....and figured I'd better just let God. The voice of truth says 'DO NOT BE AFRAID.'

As I said to my parents' in their daily note home, I cannot even begin express what kind of day I had. I feel like words won't even do it justice! Perhaps I should give you a glimpse into what my classroom is made up of. I teach in an elementary emotional support classroom that is run by a local Intermediate Unit. My class is currently made up of 2 Kindergarteners, 4 1st graders, 2 2nd graders, and 4 3rd graders. Of those numbers, I have five different academic groupings within the 12 students. An emotional support classroom is exactly as it sounds. My students (most of them) deal with significant social, emotional, and behavioral disabilities that impact their learning in a regular education setting. We deal with behaviors.....lots of them. It's a challenging job, but one I truly love, despite sometimes feeling like a failure at it. My wee ones are a unique bunch because they are soooooooooooooo different. All 12 of them. YET.....they are all so similar! When you remove their disabilities, they are all wee ones. They are not, in my eyes, defined by their disabilities. They are defined as being the most amazing bunch of wee ones. And today.....they deserve a blog posting.

So, my class is driven by structure and schedule. Our day is built around it. My wee ones depend on it. When the schedule is out of whack, so are they. Understandably so. I feel like the past two weeks have been out of whack for us, yet they handled themselves amazingly well. We've had to deal with PSSA State Testing and a 2 hour delay and changes in group times and me being out the classroom for meetings. It's put a real damper on what they know as being structured and on schedule. Knowing that our day was, once again going to be turned all topsy turvy due to our classroom constant, Ms Bonnie, being out, we had to change up our group schedule again because of an assembly at the end of the day. It was decided that we'd focus this morning on our Science project, knowing deep down that this could spell sudden disaster for us.

We are working on a multi stage project. My class created their own dinosaurs. From the design, they brought those dinosaurs to 3D with air dry clay. Seeing as they didn't follow directions all too well, their dinosaurs were starting to fall apart at the seams. I worried that when we added paint to that clay, it would be the end of the dinosaurs, much like that big bang theory stuff. I prompted the wee ones, telling them that we would, indeed paint our projects BUT.....I was not going to listen to any complaining or whining if their projects fell apart. I explained that sometimes our best set plans fall apart and we just have to roll with it.

With the group tables covered in newspapers, we had the students sit around the table. We handed out the clay projects. We started to take paint requests. And then the magic seemed to happen! Words of encouragement to one another, pleases and thank yous started flowing as paint was shared, giggles and hard work, and NOT ONE COMPLAINT! NOT ONE MENTION OF FRUSTRATION! My wee ones worked for over an hour creating some of the most beautifully painted dinosaurs I have EVER seen! There was not one drop of paint spilled on the table, not one drop of paint spilled on the floor, not one unkind word uttered. If you didn't know what kind of classroom I had, you would NEVER have known it walking into my room today. I spent a lot of time washing out paint brushes, paint cups, and just hanging back by the classroom sink smiling. My heart brimming with pride at what I was witnessing among a group of wee ones who many times, have trouble playing together nicely. It was the first in a series of events today that warmed my heart beyond compare.

As they finished up their painting, they headed back to their seats, found something quietly to work on while the others finished, and waited patiently for our "Wilbur time". I've been reading Charlotte's Web to them in our down time. I've never seen students so engaged in listening to a story. They want every juicy detail...they know the characters by name, can quote them, and learned a little bit of Latin, too. Magnum Opus....great work. The wee ones in Room 101 are my magnum opus. They are my great work.

And then.....the finale of our day today was our attendance at a Raising the House Pie in the Face assembly. I had the distinct pleasure of being 'pied' in the face by two students who earned the privilege of being the pie chuckers by winning a bit of a classroom challenge. To see my wee ones, laughing and cheering, enjoying the moment of seeing their teacher with a completely whipped cream face....well, it was just overwhelming to me. I'm not going to lie. I had tears in my eyes (I blamed the whipped cream that dripped in there, but honestly, I was overwhelmed). Sure, we ended the day with some behaviors to note, but that's all in a day in Room 101.

At the beginning of this year, I wasn't so sure I was cut out to be the elementary emotional support teacher. I spent so much time at the high school level that I was pretty sure this move would kill me. While I am still not 100% sure that THIS is where I belong, I can say that when I see the behavioral growth in these wee ones, when they are using words rather than fists, when they slouch in their chairs because they are mad and are NOT flipping desks, when they smile and say, 'You are the best'....well, then I can't seem to feel lost on this journey anymore. And when my one wee one, who came to me pretty much non-verbal gives me a smile, a hug, and an "I love you", well....I guess I'm doing ok. And when I am hugged by nearly each wee one on their way out the door to their buses at the end of the day, my heart is warmed and I am thankful I am where I am.

Until tomorrow, my friends.....

Think Thankfully!

Routines, routines....

I realized way too late last night that I never promoted yesterday's blog. Prior to the tower taking a dump, I had my routine. I woke up, got ready, headed for the downstairs, and blogged. Seemed like after a good night's sleep, I was always able to write. After writing and publishing the blog posting, I'd head over to the FB page and set it up so that the blog would show as a status at some point during the day.

In the two months that my tower was in the shop, I fell out of that routine. I became a morning sloth, making sure I play each of my Snoopy games on the iPad before heading out the door to work. Even this morning, I fell short of getting back into the routine. I did my morning 'get ready' routine and then came downstairs and made sure Snoopy's Candy Town and Snoopy's Street Fair were all taken care of for the day. As my daughter came downstairs, I realized I had a blog to write!

Trust me, I do feel a strong urgency in writing. Since my routine was messed up, the urge to write comes at weird moments, when I am not able to access the blogger site. I've started resorting to writing things down as they strike me, perhaps that's what writers do.

It is amazing to me how we get tied to our routines and once they are messed up, forget it. Seems like it takes three times as long to get back in the swing of things. I find that happening more and more in my life. I've put weight back on (not happy about that), fell out of the walking/exercising routine, stopped reading, and even slowed down with my writing (although that wasn't entirely my conscious fault). All these routines that I had once been so fervent in following are all seeming like distant memories to me right now.

Perhaps I need to become more of a 'go with the flow' kind of person, but I guess I have come to realize that I need my routines. I need to know what I'm doing at what time. I need to have a plan and stick to it. I'm thankful for some eye opening realizations.

Until tomorrow, my friends......

Think Thankfully

Today I will

What an empowering three words. TODAY I WILL. Just saying it makes me feel like I can conquer anything I put my mind to! When I wake up in the morning, trudge off to the bathroom to get myself ready for the day, I give myself a little pep talk. It usually starts with.....TODAY I WILL.

Three little words. TODAY I WILL. Three little words that make a lot of difference if used on a daily basis, honestly. TODAY I WILL. In using daily intentions (such as "TODAY I WILL") we are helping ourselves to work toward becoming the person we truly and honestly want to be, doing it one small step at a time. TODAY I WILL…three little words that encourage us to declare our intentions for the day ahead, reflect on progress we may have made up to that point, and subsequently live life a little better than the day before it. TODAY I WILL.

I have often encouraged my friends to keep a gratitude journal. Whether it be when the mood strikes you, or at the end of the day, jot down some things you are thankful for in that day. Recognize that even the bad days produce things to be thankful for. Sometimes, this is a difficult task for people to do. Believing they may sound silly at being thankful for something as silly as toothpaste, they feel that their expressions of gratitude have to be something of a grand scale. Now you and I both know that this is not the case, but some people just can't bring themselves to be thankful. Perhaps starting with a daily intention journal in the morning may help on the road to being more thankful. Wake up and immediately set your mind to the day's intention. TODAY I WILL.....be happier, not let people get to me, sing a song out loud, say hello to a stranger, pay it forward with a random act of kindness......ANYTHING! Just tell yourself that TODAY I WILL and then go out and DO IT! Make it happen!

As I was scrolling through my personal Facebook page (which I am so very close to eliminating from my life), I saw a status update from a special relative of mine. He posted his very own thankful post today. It meant the world to me to see it today, because I know he's been struggling a lot these past two months. I know how he is feeling because I was in his shoes four years ago. When I commented to him that his post made my heart happy, he responded with this: It's hard to think thankfully. Not giving a sob story but my family and friends know that there are to many demons in my head. Right now, I see your post and I decided that maybe it will turn my head around.  So thank you...

My friends.....THIS is why I do what I do. It is my hope that TODAY......someone else will realize the benefit of Think Thankfully. TODAY......someone else will join our journey and become a more thankful person. TODAY......I will continue writing and posting in the hope that I will be able to reach just one person who needs it the most. TODAY, I WILL continue my own Think Thankfully journey (and I sure am glad you are all on this journey with me.). TODAY, I WILL................

...... what will you?

Until tomorrow, my friends........

Think Thankfully