Remembering #24

Remembering #24 - Kobe Bryant (1978-2020)

As I reflect on the last blog entry I posted last week, the one about leaving a legacy, it gave me a bit of a shudder and felt eerie to reread, considering the events that occurred on Sunday, January 26, 2020.......

As a basketball player, myself, being only a few years older than Kobe, his was a name that was known whether you followed basketball or not. You knew who Kobe Bryant was. He was a phenom; a stand out at a young age. 17 years old and being drafted into the NBA from high school, beginning a legendary career at 18....unheard of in my high school years. People truly thought he would fail. He was too young. He proved them wrong and ultimately had an amazingly successful NBA career, having not just one but TWO jersey numbers retired for the LA Lakers. 

I raised a basketball player. My youngest daughter played for 12 strong years and she was my first thought when I heard the news of Kobe's passing (my dear friend, Toom was the second person I thought of....he always reminded me of Kobe!). I've truly cried many tears for a person I've never met, because I know how he influenced my daughter. She listened to Lil Wayne's Kobe Bryant before all her games, it was her 'get in the mentality' song. She respected the player Kobe was and because of him, she LOVED the sport, as evidenced by her tweet after learning of his death and a comment she left on a Facebook status posted about Kobe.

And while I am choosing to focus this blog entry on Kobe, if I'm being perfectly honest with you all, what hurts my heart the most and causes the tears to flow freely, is knowing that his 13 year old daughter, Gianna, was with him. She was the future of women's basketball. At 13, she was already a standout. I mean, come on, with Kobe Bryant DNA in you, how could you NOT be, right? The children who were on that flight with their parents, that last moment of terror, and what those parents must have felt, knowing they could do nothing to protect their children in that moment. I can only imagine what their last moments together must have looked like. No, that's not even accurate. I can't. I can't imagine those last moments.

Those who know OF Kobe, know that he had a bit of a mar on his name dating back to 2003 and allegations of rape and sexual misconduct. He was arrested in 2003 after a sexual assault complaint was filed against him in Colorado when a 19-year-old hotel employee claimed that she had been raped by Kobe. While that certainly was damning to his reputation at the time, and is still something people choose to remember about him, Kobe was STILL a man that people ended up looking up to. His lessons, on and off the court, are timeless. He showed teammates and fans what it looked like to lose with grace and dignity and win with humble pride. I am a firm believer of the idea that you have to take the good with the bad when remembering someone of his fame, but you can choose which focus you want to take. I choose to remember the basketball icon, the man who introduced the world to the Mamba Mentality, the man who's name is synonymous with success, the man who believed in philanthropy, the family man, the man who believed in leaving the world a better place.

When I heard of Kobe’s passing, the movie The Sandlot immediately came to mind (which is weird I know....that's a baseball movie, right?!?). In the movie, the ghost of Babe Ruth tells Benny “The Jet” Rodriguez "Remember kid, there's heroes and there's legends. Heroes get remembered, but legends never die. Follow your heart kid and you can never go wrong." Kobe is a legend. He’s left a legacy for those who followed his career and his life story. Follow your heart and you can never go wrong. Kobe did just that.

I'm still struggling with this news today, two days later. Kobe was the GOAT of the NBA (challenge me, please), playing his entire 20 year career with the Lakers, winning 5 NBA championships as a Laker, being an 18-time All-Star (let that sink in....18 of 20 seasons he was an All-Star), 15-time member of the All-NBA Team, 12-time member of the All-Defensive team, 2 time gold medalist in the Olympic Games (although I still do not believe professional athletes should compete in the Olympics - another blog for another day) and named the NBA's Most Valuable Player in 2008,  come on. G.O.A.T status without a doubt. 

Kobe left a legacy. Years from now, people will still be shooting balled up paper into a trash can and shouting, "KOBE!!!!" as they fade away from the shot. Years from now, people will still remember the amazing legend that was Kobe Bryant. Years from now, my daughter will be introducing her child(ren) to the sport of basketball and the legacy of Kobe Bryant.

And for all that, thank you, Kobe. Godspeed and rest in power. May angels lead you in.......

What's your legacy gonna be?

Legacy is defined in the dictionary as “something transmitted by or received from an ancestor or predecessor from the past.”  Given this definition, a legacy is not something that we have complete control over; after all, we cannot control how other people perceive us, we can only control our own actions. We can only live our lives the way we see fit and hope that whatever we are doing leaves a mark, leaves others constantly reminded of us. Right?

I’ve been struggling with this idea lately. Honestly, I’ve been thinking about it since September. I know Billy left a legacy behind. People want to be like Billy. Live a life as he did….full and free! Billy always made you wish you had what he had…..fire in his soul. Yet, he wasn’t the type to be in your face about it. What we must do is inspire through our own actions much like Billy did. Billy didn’t just think about doing things, or tell others to do them; he went out and got things done on his own! He epitomized the Maya Angelou quote referenced at the top of the blog: "If you're going to live, leave a legacy. Make a mark in the world that can't be erased."

That has gotten me to think about my own life. What legacy will I leave for people who knew me? What mark am I leaving in the world? Right now, I’m quite frustrated with work. While I am thankful for my current position, I feel unfulfilled. Listening to a former classroom aide (and friend) of mine talk of what it was like being in the classroom with me, hearing former students recall favorite moments with me, parents who still tell me they miss me teaching their child…..it all adds up to a frustrated me at the moment. I do not toot my own horn, but one thing I do know is that I am a damn good teacher. And I do miss teaching. I do not miss the lesson planning, the grading, the dealing with behaviors, etc….but I miss delivering lessons with a certain savoir faire. I miss seeing the 'lightbulb' moments. I miss the excitement that my teaching brought to my students which in turn made them excited about learning. My husband says, there's always two sides to every situation. He's right. While I am no longer being hit, kicked, spit on, bitten, assaulted, verbally abused, etc and I am thankful for that, I feel as though I am also no longer really teaching. Not the way I enjoy teaching, that is.

Today, I found out that a girl I played basketball against in high school passed away after two bouts with breast cancer. She was 46. I read articles about her and again, my heart sank. She made her mark, on and off the court, first as a player, then as a coach. And in between all that, she was a very respected Special Education Teacher. She made such a difference. I’m sure she knew it, too, but yet like Billy, she wasn’t in your face about it. She just did it. It was how she lived her life.

I often wonder if I’m doing this whole ‘life’ thing right. I watch news stories and movies, read books and articles about teachers who make a difference, deliver ‘hard love’ to their students, tell students what they NEED to hear, not what they want to hear, make a difference. Sometimes it is super frustrating because that has been the premise of my entire teaching career (which began in May 1995). I feel like I never have it right, though, never landing the ‘dream job’, never being fully recognized for what I do and how I do it. Sounds like I’m looking for praise and accolades, doesn’t it? That’s not it. Not at all. Please read this as a reflective piece, an entry where I am searching for myself rather than a pity me post looking for praise and adoration.

I’ve recently started to dive into astrological horoscopes, birth charts, etc. I’m not saying that I believe in them fully, but I do find it funny that today, one of the changes to my chart noted that I’m struggling in the area of self, specifically a desire that is creating constraints. That area of my astrological chart spelled out that I find myself frustrated in the field of my natural talents (subsequently prompting this blog after one I had wanted to write fizzled out before my eyes). It went on to say that the frustrations I’m feeling will see their beginnings in the new ideas and experiences I’ve been craving along with circumstances surrounding my career or social life. An endless array of irritation and obstacles will affect finding not just a new job, but a new industry. Begs the question of how real is this astrological stuff.

Will I leave a legacy behind me? Will I ever reach my full potential in the areas of my natural talents? I guess time will tell…..but I will always have Billy in the back of my mind, pushing me to do better, be better, live life with zest, and never settle for mediocre when I can be AMAZING!

In addition to half-assedly reading the astrological outlook for my day, I also receive angel messages from Archangel Michael every day at noon. Those I believe in wholeheartedly. As I am finishing up this blog posting, today's daily angel message was delivered to me: 'Speak with optimism and faith about your finances, health, and relationships as your outlook does affect your outcomes.' Hmmmmmmmm. Timely reminder today. And so I shall.......

Soapbox rant that EVERYONE needs to read!

I'm going to write about something that has been bothering me for quite some time, yet I've never written it out in hopes of processing it. After a recent conversation with someone, this entire topic has been weighing heavily on my mind and heart.

In chatting recently with someone I love and respect, the conversation shifted (a bit uneasily, too) to the topic of child support. This person was counting down to their child's graduation from high school so they no longer have to pay support for that child. Someone else asked about college and supporting the child through college, and the person I was speaking to made the comment, "Nope. Not required. I'm done at high school graduation." 

Perhaps I am a tad jaded as I was raised by both my parents, who helped support me (and my daughter - yes, I was a teenage mother, and I like to think a damn good one) until I moved out of their house. I guess, in my world, your child doesn't stop needed help or support just because they graduate high school. In fact, I think that's when support becomes even more important. I found myself in this same situation through my divorce from my first husband. He, too, felt as though his continual support simply ended the day his girls graduated high school. There was no financial support given throughout either of their years at college. College loans (co-signing a loan doesn't mean SHIT as far as actual financial support goes, Jackwagon), gas money, fun money, money on meal plan accounts, books, supplies, dorm room set up, moving in, etc.....that has all been supported by me and their (bonus) dad. One can brag that they co-signed a loan for college, but by all means, and I'll say it again, LOUDER for those in the back who didn't hear me the first time ... that doesn't mean SHIT unless you are actually PAYING the loan. It's a signature, it's NOT financial support for your child (unless they default the loan - and if you know either of my girls, you know that isn't going to happen.).

I'm still trying to understand this mindset. IF both parents remained married, would you support your child throughout college, providing for their continual needs as they work to better themselves? Or would you send them off to their institution of higher education with a dream and a hope and absolutely NO financial help at all? I call bullshit to the latter of the two.

As the primary guardian for both my girls after my divorce, I saw the expenses pile up year after year PRIOR to the end of support and trust me, it didn't lessen when they went off to college. I did my best to help my girls financially as they went on to better themselves in careers. Thankfully, my amazing husband helped out considerably. He helped provide what they needed and financially helped to support two girls who were not biologically his, simply because THAT'S what a parent does. Their bonus dad is the epitome of the 'dad that didn't have to be'.

I wish I understood how people can simply NOT support their children, regardless of their age. Hell, I'm 46 years old and my parents STILL help me out when I need it. And I STILL do what I can for my girls when they need me. I haven't cast them out simply because they 'grew up'. And I know for a fact, the person in the original conversation is helped by their parents at times as well. 

For now, I'll end this soapbox rant and hope that the right people read this blog. I'd love to speak to politicians and work to make support mandatory for children who go on to schooling of any type after high school in order to better themselves, SO if you know of any politicians who might like to pick up this battle and fight it with me, get them in touch with me. This is now my fight. For the kids!!!

Until next time!

Springsteen to the rescue - again!

My goodness did I wake up on the wrong side of the bed this morning. In fact, I didn't even wake up on MY side of MY bed. I woke up in the guest bedroom after being booted from my bed by the dogs. Gus normally sleeps in bed with us, but Penny, well, she's just too large to sleep on the bed (and I know many people will say they don't belong on our bed to begin with, but HUSH....my house, my rules). When my day actually started, I was out of sorts and in a pissy mood, for lack of a better term, just ask my husband.

I left late for work and as I entered the highway, my phone rang. It was my supervisor. Normally, I'm well on my way by the time she had called, but today, NOPE. Wasn't a huge deal, but enough to throw off my already crapshoot of a morning. Pulled into the parking lot at the time I'm supposed to be in my classroom and I truly hate feeling rushed. My own fault today, I get that.

An email regarding the phone system at work set me off on a vocal tirade, to which a coworker commented about my mood first thing. Wake up call. As I sat here looking at my computer screen that had all my favorite Sirius channels listed, I gazed through the listing and immediately saw that Thunder Road was playing on E Street Radio. That's it. I'm listening to Channel 20 because if ANYONE can relate to my moods, it's Springsteen. And the best part is, he doesn't even know it!!!!

Throughout my life....well, since I was in the 4th grade and a mere girl of 10 years old....Bruce Springsteen has spoken to me. Ok, HE hasn't actually spoken to me, but his lyrics have. It was hearing Thunder Road for the first time that captivated me with this man who would later become the one entity that could always get me through the rough times in my life. Thunder Road is the one song that has always given me hope in trying times, sunshine on my grey sky days, a smile when the corners of my mouth want to dip into a frown.

I wasn't sure how my "I'm listening to nothing but Springsteen today" would go over with my coworkers, but truth be told, I didn't really care. Much like the 'my house my rules' attitude I have, it's kind of like a 'my Sirius my computer my music choice' attitude as well! No apologies here. It is a good thing my aide enjoys the music of Springsteen, too!

So, here I sit, listening to an episode of Be The Boss on E Street Radio, smiling through someone's song choices and listening to how Springsteen has affected their lives as well. It's a weird thing, how the music of one man can do that; can bring people together and make us realize that we are not alone in our struggles, happiness, and love for all things Springsteen. I reflect on the many concerts I've been to, the time I was the Boss on E Street Radio, the front row experience, the back to back night experience, and the many times his music has gotten me through a rough time.

Today, it is 4 months since losing Billy. I know that's weighing heavily on my heart and mind. Today, I will allow Mr Springsteen to help me through all my feelings and emotions, as only his music can do. Maybe, I'll get a message in one of the songs, maybe I'll hear something I missed the million other times I've heard a song, and maybe I'll somehow feel the weight of this lift from my shoulders.

Maybe.

For now, I'll listen with open ears and an open heart. And one day, when I am fortunate enough to meet Mr Springsteen, I will thank him for always coming to my rescue. A girl can dream......