My morning was disappointing in that I had hoped to get some
answers to some health related issues that have cropped up in my life. It is
because of mornings like this particular morning that I do not go to the doctor
when I feel ‘some sort of way’. I know some people who are constant complainers
of every single ache and pain they feel in their bodies. They run to the
doctor, then complain when the doctor can’t identify the source of the pain. I
don’t want to be that person, however, today, I certainly felt like I walked a
mile in those shoes. I’ve got discomfort, sensitivity, and at least once a day,
pain. Uncomfortable pain. After dealing with this for nearly three months, I
decided to go to the doctor for the issue. After being examined, nothing
definitive was decided. While it wasn’t exactly bad news, in my world, it was
devastating. I sat, partially undressed (under the examination gown I was
given) and listened to a doctor tell me that he wasn’t sure what the source of
my pain was. Insecurities crept in, and I immediately began to think, ‘this man
doesn’t believe my pain.’ My mother was along for this visit, and while I know
she received a feeling of relief, I felt like my whole reason for not ever
going to a doctor was completely validated.
I have no validation for my visit to the dr today. I am
having testing done. I have a return visit scheduled (in three months – unless
results of tests prove otherwise). And I still have pain and discomfort.
Normally speaking, I would not be writing a post like this. I try to keep
things positive, but in this instance, I definitely feel like it shows my human
side. It shows that I, too, feel defeated at times. This being one of them.
If you know me, you know I am not one to complain. I don’t
post all my aches and pains for the world to see (and trust me, there are many
aches and pains I feel). I don’t utilize the book of Faces to generate pity or
to garner comments galore upon my page. But today, well, today, I am feeling a
bit defeated. I want to know why I am experiencing pain. I want to know why I
feel discomfort. I want to know it isn’t in my head. I want to feel validated.
Today, I didn’t necessarily get the answers I wanted, but
the positive side of it is, I didn’t necessarily get the answers I didn’t want.
I learned I must take better care of myself. I can’t possibly take care of
those around me if I, myself, am ill. So, I will keep the faith and I will
wait, patiently, for results……..and accept any positive thoughts that can be
sent my way! Positive thinking evokes more energy, more initiative, and
definitely more happiness! And I prefer the happiness!!!
Think Thankfully!!!!
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