Life happens......

Hey there! It's me! Remember me? It's been awhile. Almost a year, to be honest. And if we are being honest, which you KNOW I try to always be, I have to let you in on something.......I'm struggling, a bit, with life. I feel like since October, I've been dealt a relatively crappy hand. I know everything happens for a reason, but these past few months have hit me like a freight train, rumbling through town in the middle of the night. Part of me feels like I've been caught up in Judith Viorst's children's book, Alexander and the Terrible Horrible No Good Very Bad Day. Except it isn't just one day, it's been more than I can count.

I've gained weight....a lot of it. I'm uncomfortable in my own skin. Clothing doesn't fit anymore. I (feel like I) look like a beached whale or the proverbial 'fat lady' in whatever I put on. I'm in constant discomfort and pain, patiently awaiting surgery that (should) fix this. Not the weight part (although sometimes I wish that was the case, too), the pain part. I feel like life has me by the neck and it isn't easy to get out of the grasp. Sleep eludes me on a nightly basis. I've resorted to the pain pills the doctors (again, too many to count since October) have prescribed for me, something I am not happy with. I don't like pills. I don't like having to take medication. I've become miserable. Something I am not proud of. And it sucks. 

I have long (well for the last seven and a half years long) prided myself on being a positive person. Some one who always thinks thankfully, always finds the positive. But you know what? Life is tough sometimes and there is nothing wrong with admitting that. AND, there have been days that have felt like the whole world was crashing down around me. I know you feel that, too. You've had those days, as well. I recently told my mom I could just sit and cry. She told me I needed to and that I don't always have to be the strong one. Do you know what I've learned through all of this? You are allowed to have a bad day. A bit louder for those in the back who may not have heard me: You are allowed to have a bad day. I'm sure you heard that now.

Let's chat a bit about those 'good days'. Good days are so subjective. Whatever a good day is to one person can look very different to another person. I have learned that it is up to each one of us to decide WHAT our days will look like. Be happy if you're feeling happy! Be sad if something is making you sad! Allow yourself to FEEL emotions! Be authentic. That's all anyone wants from people. No one should feel pressured into making everyone believe you’re having a good day if you’re not. That's just not a realistic expectation.

I've utilized my Facebook page, for the past 7 and a half years, as a bit of a journal, if you will. A therapy of sorts, to help me through some very tough times. I look to Facebook to unleash my nightly diatribe of thankfulness for things that happen in my day. I've always believed in the philosophy that if I can't find SOMETHING to be thankful for, then I've done something wrong. There has to be good in every day. And I believe there is. But in doing so, I've also built this false image that things are always roses and butterflies with me in my life. Please don't misunderstand me, I absolutely DO have a great life. I have an amazing husband, phenomenal kids who do phenomenal things, a job I love (more days than not), and I'm relatively happy and positive most days. But I have my moments, much like everyone else. Remember the opening paragraph of this post? THAT'S what I'm feeling at the moment. Yet I still look for the positives. I will attest to the fact that looking for positives in my days has helped me to become happier and less stressed in life, but I also acknowledge the fact that bad days ARE allowed.

A local gym has coined the phrase, POSITIVE IS POWERFUL. And it is. Very much so. While life seems to be handing me all the lemons in the world right now, I'm determined to always find a positive use for them. The reality of life is that your days may not always be good. Some days may outright SUCK. I am a true believer that “not every day is a good day, but there is something good in every day.” Some days you may have to look super hard to find the good, but there will be a positive from whatever situation or day you’ve had. There is always, always, ALWAYS something to be thankful for. Something positive that has turned a frown to a smile, a cry to a laugh, a look of pain into a look of pleasure.

Last week, I saw a quote, I can't remember where I saw it, but it said, "It's OK to share your heart's burdens with others." (if you know where that's from, please let me know) And that it is. On those days that feel like everything is crashing in, everyone is against you, nothing is going right, and you just need to escape it all. Share. Don't carry the burden alone. That is one key to making it through those complete shit days. Lean on those who lift you up, who sing your song to you when you forget the words, who never judge you, and who always tend to be there for you.

Life is tricky. Stay the course and remember, it's ok to have a bad day. One bad day does NOT equal a bad life, even when things tend to appear to be the case. This too shall pass.......

Until next time......Think Thankfully!