Stay safe. Stay healthy. STAY HOME!

It's been a while since I last blogged. Honestly, the creative juices have not been flowing so freely this last month or so. Considering the state of the world right now, I felt as though writing might be something that would help my current state of mind. 

My routine has been shaken up as a result of COVID-19, much like a lot of you I would assume. Being in a state of limbo with regards to what work is going to look like, whether those I love are taking this seriously and staying safe, how long is this going to last.....among a lot of other thoughts racing through my head....this all really stinks. But one thing I know for sure is that together we will get through all this as long as we stay safe, stay healthy, and STAY HOME!

I decided to take a break from Facebook for the Lenten season. I still post my nightly thankful posts (and thank GOD I do, because that is helping to keep me sane throughout all of this - I haven't left my house except to walk the dogs around town once or twice a day) and I occasionally post from Instagram (mainly for birthdays I feel need recognition - parents, nieces, etc). I haven't truly scrolled through Facebook in a long period of time. I'm learning how freeing it is to NOT be so reliant on social media and the misinformation that spreads rampant on those platforms. Reflecting on my time away (isn't that what Lent is all about - reflection?), I am not so sure I will ever go back to the Facebook activity that I once had.

This time in our lives is definitely a challenging one. No one truly knows what to expect and the unknowns are quite scary (at least I think they are). I'm a bit of a loner, truth be told. I'm ok being here in my house with just my dogs and my husband, but I do miss being with my extended family. I miss the occasional interaction with acquaintances I'd see at the grocery store or post office. I miss seeing my work friends. I miss my best friend. I do miss life as I knew it prior to COVID-19 coming around. I'm sure we all do.

I can't tell you what to do. I can't tell you how to feel. But I can ask you to stay safe, stay healthy, and STAY HOME.  For your sake and for mine....STAY HOME.

 

Tick tock, tick tock time is drawing near!

Ok, so Christmas is my favorite time of (day of) the year! My earliest Christmas memory happened in 1977. My little brother, Travis, was born on the 23rd of December that year. YAY! Merry Christmas! I got a brother, however I wanted a sister! I was devastated when the call came to my grandma's house telling me that I had a(nother) little brother. NOOOOOOOOOOOO! I hung up on my dad and immediately ran upstairs and bawled my eyes out! Yes, that was December 23.

My mom had to stay in the hospital for a few days, as she had my brother via a C-Section, so if you do the math, guess where she spent Christmas that year? Yup! The hospital. I don't remember much about THAT but what I do remember......waking up on Christmas morning and opening presents with my other little brother, Chad, and my Dad. I unwrapped the BEST present a little girl could hope for!! I got a real working sewing machine for little girls. I was so excited. That was a time in life when you got one 'big' present and then little odds and ends. THAT was my big present! Guess who didn't get to even try it out because mom was in the hospital (she knew how to use it) and dad didn't have a clue what to do with it. Miserable! I seriously remember not liking my new baby brother for awhile after that because he 'ruined my Christmas'. HAHAHA!!!

 

Christmas has always been a great time of year for me. Traditions that were deep in family. Cookies. Church. One of my favorite things to do was to help my grandma decorate her Christmas tree each year. She had these awesome little bell ornaments that she hung on her tree that looked like little people. Elves and angels or something. There might have only been 5 of them. She always saved those for me to put on the tree. I loved those ornaments. After my grandmother passed away, I asked to have them to keep the tradition alive of putting them on my tree. A little bit of my grandmother (whom I miss terribly, especially at Christmas time) lives on each year as I ring each bell and place it on my tree! One day, I hope to have grandchildren who want to help me decorate my tree and those bells will be saved for them to place!

As a child, Christmas was always a hectic day for my parents. We'd have to visit both sets of grandparents and it seemed like we never had a lot of time at any place, but as a child, it was all we knew of Christmas. The hustle and bustle of the day. Family. Love. One year, the only thing I asked for from Santa was a Cabbage Patch Preemie doll. It wasn't just any Cabbage Patch Preemie on my list. I wanted an African American BOY preemie. My best friend's family had been fostering a little boy who I adored. I wanted a doll that was just like Aaron!! I found out later that my grandfather (who was an old school PA Dutch kind of guy) had traipsed all over Allentown looking for THE doll I wanted and did not settle til he found it, although it ended up being a girl. April Priscilla! Another fond Christmas memory of days gone by. Memories of Christmas that make me smile.

My home is decorated to the nines for Christmas! I've got Christmas trees in almost every room, decorations in every room (YES, even the bathroom gets decorated!), and I love to be surrounded by the beauty of Christmas. White lights on the tree, around the door/archways, on decorations; they are the only light I prefer when sitting around at night watching my Christmas movies!!

Christmas music has been playing at my desk since Thanksgiving. I've been wearing Christmas attire since we are back from Thanksgiving break (and I'm sad there wasn't more time between Thanksgiving and Christmas this year!). I'm done with the wrapping, the sending of Christmas cards, stocking stuffers have been purchased (slightly disappointed in them this year), and I'm ready to put work in the books for this year (ONE MORE DAY!)!! The dogs have their Christmas collars and bandanas on! I've been told I suffer from O.C.D (Obsessive Christmas Disorder) and to that I say, YOU ARE NOT WRONG!!! I love all things Christmas and sometimes I struggle when others don't share in my affinity for all things Christmas. In my world, Christmas can get here now!!! Hurry Christmas!!!

In my love for all things Christmas, one image will ALWAYS stand out in my memory bank. As a child, we would drive to the next town to visit my grandparents. A storefront on the main street in the town always had a statue in their front window of Santa kneeling at the manger of the Christ Child. It always struck me as profound (even before I knew what profound meant). There was always something about THAT window display that put the meaning of Christmas where it should be. Yes, Christmas is wonderful with the lights, bells, trees, Santa Claus, gifts, music, movies, TV specials, hoopla out the whazoo, but in reality, Christmas is beautiful for the one gift that was unselfishly given to us, in the form of a baby in a manger. The image of Santa kneeling at the Christ Child's manger is a hauntingly beautiful reminder of the TRUE meaning of the season.

Merry Christmas to you and yours. May the blessings of Christmas be with you this holiday season and in the days that follow, as we usher in a new year, new decade.

Christmastime is here

It's almost Christmas!! It truly is my favorite time of year (and honestly, my favorite DAY of the year!)!!! I love all things Christmas! The lights!! The colors!! Santa!! SNOW!! The Nativity!! The Christmas Story!! Bells!! Tinsel!! Garland!! Angels!! Balls!! Music!! Movies!!

Christmastime is here. It's my favorite time of the year for so many reasons. I've been determined to keep it my favorite time of year, despite the hand we were dealt with in the last 3 months. This year, Christmas will be so different, but rather than become all mopey about it, I am embracing the change. 

It will be the first year that there will be no children in our house on Christmas morning. 29 years of waking up to one (or both) of my girls in their rooms, patiently waiting to go downstairs to see what Mama Claus delivered during the night has come to an end, as I knew it one day would. And as much as I knew it would, I wasn't quite prepared for it. There is a part of me that is sad at this thought (because it has always been my favorite part of the day - waking up and heading downstairs and seeing their faces at what was under the tree!!!) but there is also a part of me that is so proud at how wonderfully their lives have turned out. Each living in their own homes, creating Christmas traditions with their families. It's a new Christmas for me this year, but I'm ok with that!

This year will be different in that we won't get our usual texts from California. Bill won't get his hour(s) long Christmas phone call from Billy. I'm praying for peace in our hearts this Christmas day, as we go about our day keeping his memory alive and remembering him with happy memories of Christmases past, thanking God for the Christmases we HAD with him. Different. A new normal.

December 25 will also mark our 10th anniversary!! 10 years of being married to the most amazing man I've ever known in my life (next to my dad!). Not even joking when I say, it feels like we've been together forever. Bill always says we have. We've been together in many previous lives and somehow we always manage to find each other over and over again. I believe that, weird as it may sound. When I first met Bill DeHart, I had no idea what changes he would bring to my life. I will forever be thankful our paths crossed again and that we managed to become one. There is NO one else I want to go through life with than my main squeeze!

10 years ago, when Bill proposed the idea of getting married on Christmas Day, in my grandmother's living room (where he proposed to me 2 years prior), I thought he was just kidding around. I wasn't so sure I really wanted to get married again. I was content with life as it was. As often as Bill would say we would get married one day, I swore it was 'never gonna happen' for one reason or another (we have quite a history there!). We managed to throw together an incredible wedding in two weeks time and we got married in front of the Christmas tree in my grandmothers front living room at 4pm on December 25, 2009 by the Mayor of Bowmanstown and in front of family and two special friends! It was my last Christmas with my beloved Grandma Marilyn. It was the best Christmas of my life up to that point. Every Christmas since has been exceptional. I love all things Christmas and hope to spread that Christmas cheer to those I encounter on a daily basis!

Life in the last 10 years: we've traveled a lot, watched our daughters graduate high school and college (a few times), supported our son in his life decision to move across the country, saw our daughter get married, another one get engaged, experienced the heartache of losing our son, added two dogs to the family, produced a CD for the band (YAY BILL!! FOLLOW THAT DREAM, MY LOVE!), and simply enjoyed life TOGETHER. 

Bill, life with you is nothing short of amazing. You keep me smiling when I want to frown, laughing when I want to cry. You support all my crazy ideas and love me through thick and thin. You have the biggest heart of anyone I know and I am so blessed that you share that heart with me. Happy 10 years (I know I'm early, but the mood struck for this post so here it is!), Babe!!!!

Wishing everyone who has read this blog a very Merry Christmas and a Happy and Joyous New Year. May 2020 be better than 2019!!!

On Thankgsiving and Thankfulness

It's that time of year again! We are well into the month of THANKS, the month where we start seeing the thankful posts of our friends, popping up everywhere on social media. It truly warms my heart when I read other people's thankful posts and I imagine that's what happens when they read mine (assuming they actually read what I have to say each night). What saddens me, is that once December 1 rolls around, the posts stop. If there is anything I've learned throughout my own thankful journey, is that the idea of being thankful should NOT be isolated to just one day (Thanksgiving) or one month (November) each year, but rather, it should be celebrated EVERY SINGLE DAY.

The older I get, the more I stand behind this idea. Mother's Day: why not celebrate your mom EVERY SINGLE DAY? Father's Day: ditto! Honor them EVERY SINGLE DAY! Valentine's Day: my goodness, shower those you love EVERY SINGLE DAY with acts of love and kindness! 

Thanksgiving has always been my favorite holiday (followed extremely closely by Christmas) since I was a little girl. I remember waking up on Thanksgiving morning to the smell of dinner being prepared by my mom. The smell of turkey wafting through the house, mom's mouthwatering orange juice sweet potatoes, the rich aroma of green bean casserole......just thinking about it takes me right back to being a child at 405 White Street!!! I remember getting excited for the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade, especially the Snoopy balloon AND of course, Santa at the end!!! I remember waiting patiently for my grandparents to come to our house for the meal (and my Grandma Marilyn bringing the delicious filling and Grandma LaRue bringing the pies and pumpkin rolls!!!). Family all around the table together....giving thanks and feeling extremely blessed!

This year, Thanksgiving will be a bit different. Grandma LaRue won't be at the Thanksgiving table. There will be no GOBBLE til ya WOBBLE texts from Billy. It will be a bit different BUT one thing is for certain, we will still give thanks for all we do have and for the time we had with those we loved. I'm using Thanksgiving as a holiday of refocus this year. While we suffered some losses, we truly still have a lot to be thankful for.

Thanksgiving has always been, and will always remain, my favorite holiday. This year, I am putting out this challenge to anyone who reads this blog posting......let Thanksgiving be more than just one day. Keep your gratitude list going in the days, weeks, months, and even year ahead. By focusing on what you are thankful for, you will find even more blessings coming your way. Trust me! Expressing heartfelt gratitude each day, is one of life's greatest joys! I find myself smiling as I finish my nightly thankful posts, just being overjoyed at the blessings I have in my life, even when, at times, it doesn't feel as though I have much to be thankful for! Gratitude is the true heart of Thanksgiving.

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!

Working on a dream

Dear Readers,

I wish I had the ultimate answer to how to make this blog, our Think Thankfully Facebook page, and the idea of being a more thankful, positive person 'go viral'. Some days I feel like I am fighting a losing battle, although it is a battle I will fight as hard as I can for as long as I can. I write, I post, and yet, I can't reach the amount of people I want to reach. Please don't misunderstand my feelings. I am thrilled beyond words at how many people I do reach, I just find myself wishing for more. When I see other 'pages' on the great book of Faces that have thousands of followers, likes on images, comments on posts....I get very discouraged.

Sometimes, I feel as though people want to be more positive, but they do not really want to be more positive. Does that make sense? I get so discouraged when I can't get a few more likes on my page, when I am stagnant at a certain number, when my outreach is merely an audience of 100 (if I am lucky....some posts don't even garnish that much of an outreach). I get even more discouraged when people unlike the page. I take it personally. I wonder why. I don't post too much (in fact, I think I post too little), I don't clog up your newsfeed. What was it about my posts that caused you to unlike us? It's a frustrating feeling, a never ending cycle. I accept and readily admit that I get very envious of people who seem to have their shit together with regards to social media outreach. I don't know how to make that happen for me.

I wish I were able to make a career out of writing. I want nothing more than to write, to be 'well-renowned' in the world of words. I'd love to sit and write all day long. I know that it isn't as glamorous as I imagine it to be, and I know that there are many days when words aren't easy to come by, but I dream. I want to reach people. I want more than 30 people to read my blog. 

I sit here, wishing. I sit here, researching. I sit here, writing. Writing words that people will never see (well, except my mom. She reads ALL my blog postings!). Writing my innermost feelings. I find myself sitting at restaurants when thoughts swirl around my head. I wonder if what I have to say is worth anything to anyone.

For now, I will just keep doing what I'm doing....

Until next time, my friends....thanks for all the support! Keep on sharing!

Think Thankfully

Let the whispers of your soul ROAR!

Dear Readers, 

Have you ever felt like you were being pushed, pulled, and maybe even shoved in every direction imaginable and felt as though you were simply going to just snap? Break? Fall completely apart? Lately, I’ve been feeling a lot like this, especially in my M-F daily work place. I’ve also had a lot of ‘other’ things swimming in my head, causing me to completely lose focus on the thankfulness goals I set for myself. I've forgotten what I enjoy doing FOR ME. I've forgotten what it is that makes my soul happy. Let’s explore just a little more, if you will.

Let’s face it. Jobs are stressful. I know people often say, ‘Find something you love doing and you won’t work a day in your life.’ While I am all about that idea, I also know that as much as I love my job and the wee ones I work with, many days as of late, my job stresses me out and it feels exactly like WORK. In my line of work (Special Education), I have multiple people pushing, pulling, and even shoving me in all different directions. I am at the mercy of the organization I work for, the school districts we service, the families of the children, and my own desire to be the best I can be. I seem to always have deadlines that must be met, changes to embrace, new methods to practice. I am sure you can all relate to this, regardless of the field you work in.

Add to the stress of work, we can all agree that we have personal stressors to deal with on a daily basis as well. Family requires our attention, bills require paying, and friends often require our help in one way or another. Being the type of person we are, we do everything in our power to help others before we do things for ourselves. We become so overwhelmed with the many different directions we are being tugged in, that we become all consumed by the stress and fail to recognize the little things that make life worth living! We stop Thinking Thankfully and allow the stress and negativity to take over.

Lately, I’ve felt as though I have had no real ‘me time’. Sure I like to go every two weeks to get my nails done. It’s a little bit of a pampering session JUST FOR ME. But that’s only every two weeks. My youngest daughter plays Varsity Basketball for the local high school. From November until now, my life becomes consumed with all things Basketball Mom related. I love it. But it really takes over my life and things I enjoy are put on a bit of a back burner. Yet another direction I’m being pushed, pulled, and shoved in. As I mentioned in the previous blog posting, lately I haven't been able to find time to just sit and write. Writing is my favorite method of expressing who I am. I have always enjoyed writing and have always held out the hopes that ONE DAY, one sweet day; I WILL BE a published author. I dream of being a bestselling author.  I dream a happy dream, but in the end, when the reality of the idea hits and I am forced to realize that this will probably, most definitely NEVER happen to me, I find myself wallowing in a bit of self pity, wondering why I even write in the first place. And that is no good for anyone. A happy life depends on us and no one else. We have to make the time to make ourselves happy before we can do for others and make them happy. We have to remember what makes our soul happy and then go out and do it, without worrying about anything else! Happiness has to begin with US. I enjoy writing for ME and whether or not I become someone well known because of it shouldn't matter in the end.

I guess I’ve realized that we must find that which compels our spirit and then just do it; much like writing for me. I’ve got to make the time, sit down UNINTERRUPTED, and write. Whatever flows out of me, whatever innermost whispers are struggling to be heard, I must make the time and write. I must bring a loud voice to my whispers.

Until next time…..

Think Thankfully

Show a little faith, there's magic in the night

Sometimes we all need reminders to keep the faith and remain grateful for things in life. Not a super easy task for any of us at times. I am constantly reminding myself that it's ok to find myself in a slump, it's ok to not be perfect, it's ok to not please everyone all the time, it's ok (and normal) to have bad days.

Last May, I attended my 15th Springsteen concert. I was 10 years old when I first heard ThunderRoad and instantly fell in love with Bruce and his music. It's been a 31 year (one sided) love affair that continues to grow. Although he has no clue, Mr. Bruce Springsteen has truly been my go-to person during all my troubling times. He's helped me through many a tough time in my life.

Today, October 4. 2014 marks the 3 year anniversary of my Think Thankfully journey. Currently, I've posted 1,096 'Tonight I'm thankful for:' posts on my personal Facebook page. I haven't missed a night, no matter where I've been, who I've been with, or what I've been doing. I posted. They've become the best therapy (aside from listening to Mr. Springsteen) I could have ever attempted. Some days I've had to dig very deep to reach a level of thankfulness, but let me tell you....there haven't been many like that. I've learned that the more you have to be thankful for, the more you are given in this world. I've also started to post them on the Think Thankfully Facebook page, too, each night.

This past year has been a whirlwind for me. I've reunited with some old friends, met a lot of new friends, lost some friends, grown to 735 followers on the Think Thankfully Facebook page, and managed to do it all with a grateful heart for all I've experienced. Through it all, the ups and the downs, two people stand out in my mind who have really affected me during the past year: my dear high school friends, Keri and Ryan. Both of these friends are faced with their own challenges in life and sometimes, I believe, life can get very overwhelming for the two of them. Now, before you go assuming anything, they are NOT married to one another. Keri has a wonderful husband, Jeff, and three children. Ryan has an incredible wife, Jenny, and three children. They are both very special friends to me and I am thankful, so very thankful, to have rekindled old friendships with both of them. If I may share....... 

Last November, I challenged my Think Thankfully followers to start posting a nightly thankful post on their own Facebook pages. My friend Keri accepted the challenge. She is less than a month away from completing an entire year of thankful posts. I love to see her tell people how it has truly changed her way of thinking because let's face it...that's what it's all about!! It's been a wonderful ride, watching her whole mindset start to change from simple things each day to be thankful for, to really giving a power punch to things she's been thankful for. As many people often tell me, I look forward to her thankful posts each night!

Ryan is a very gifted writer. He is also a gifted musician. I've been privileged to be able to read some of his incredible poetry years ago when we both reconnected thanks to Facebook. He's always been a neat person in my eyes, because he has a very unique ability to put his feeling on paper and make you feel every single word of it. And I do mean that. I know Ryan struggles with some personal inner demons. During this past year, Ryan has also taken to posting more of his daily gratitudes.  Although he doesn't do it every single night, in reading Keri's nightly posts and my nightly posts, Ryan is able to really see the value of important things in his life. Recently, he posted something to the effect that he wasn't there yet but he's been working on it! That's what it's all about! Working on it!!!

Heck, I'm not completely there yet. I still have moments of self-pity, anger, frustration, heartbreak, and wondering if it's truly all worth it. In the end, the answer always remains and emphatic YES. I like who I've become on this journey. I like to be the happy person. I love thinking thankfully. I truly am blessed.

Happy Anniversary, Think Thankfully......

Until next time (which I'm going to try to be better at this year....), my friends......remember, there is always, always, ALWAYS something to be thankful for!

Positivity is the key!

I'm trying hard. Really, I am. I recently figured out what my 'problem' is lately. I've allowed someone else's constantly negative attitude start to suck the happiness and positivity out of my own attitude. Yes, you absolutely read that right. Hard to believe? Not really, if you think about it.

I'm human. It's what we do. We pump ourselves up and then with one swift movement of someone else's tongue, we allow ourselves to crumble. I've spent two and a half years working on being a more positive person and THAT quickly, in what felt like the blink of an eye, I could feel that positive foundation start to crack and then crumble.

It's hard to be around a person for a great length of time and NOT be affected by their moods and attitudes. This is one reason I began, awhile ago, to eliminate those 'toxic' people from my life. I couldn't stand to always be sucked into drama, whiny conversations, 'whoa is me' attitudes and yet, here I sit, allowing it to happen again.

There is good news though. I've recognized it earlier on this time. I can see that is what is happening to me and I DO NOT LIKE IT. I won't fib, it will be very hard to eliminate this negative force from my life, but I will do the best I can try to keep those negative words, comments, and attitudes at arm's length. I can try to keep telling myself that I am better than the negative forces that are chipping away at the happy person I've come to enjoy being. 

Starting right now…today…..I am promising myself that I will NOT allow this type of moody, negative behavior, you know the type….the toxic one, who will use his or her mood swings to intimidate and manipulate, to bring others into their own miserable world….to have ANY control in my life.  If you truly watch this Negative Nelly closely, you will notice that their attitude is overly self-referential. They cannot talk about anything other than THEIR lives, THEIR happenings, THEIR perceived wrongs. They switch conversations mid-stream if they feel they cannot add anything to what is being discussed. They try to switch the focus to their wants, their needs. The relationships they do find themselves in are prioritized according to how each one can be used to meet their selfish needs. I am officially done with this type of person. Officially over being brought down by negative forces. Positivity is the key!

Until tomorrow, my friends....eliminate that toxicity from your life and choose to see the bright side, see all that life has to offer! Be positive!

Think Thankfully!

Happy Easter!!!

@Casting Crowns 

Happy Easter from Think Thankfully! I’ve taken a bit of a break from writing as the Easter holiday approached. In renewing my faith, I’ve really started to take a lot into consideration as secular holidays come around. While all the children excitedly awaited the arrival of the Easter Bunny, hitting up local egg hunts, searching for the best spot to capture their picture with the Bunny, hoping for lots of candy, chocolates, and presents, I was excitedly awaiting the resurrection of my Lord and Savior.

I know I have always said I would not make this a religiously set blog, however, I have come to realize in my little absence from writing, that much of the cause of my thankfulness is because of my faith.  This morning, as I walked the .75 miles from my home to the cemetery on the hill for the annual 6am Easter Sunrise (Dawn) Service, things became extremely clear to me in this journey I am on.

Let me backtrack a little bit. As you may remember, I spent a few years of my life away from the church. I had a very bad experience with a previous minister and simply felt the foundation of my faith crumble under my feet. Much like Christ on the cross, I felt forsaken by the One I never thought (and was taught) would never do such a thing. I spent time wandering through this life wondering just what I believed.

I found my way back to my church with the arrival of a new minister, Pastor Denton Kees. It took me a little bit, but that man of the cloth, in his own gentle way, helped me find my way back to the fold. I started attending church more regularly and this past January, I was elected to serve on our Church Council (which I am enjoying so far……).

As Easter approached, I spent a lot of time in reflection. I attended Maundy Thursday Services, where I heard a remarkable message from Pastor Gail Kees (Pastor Denton’s wonderful wife). The tone was set for the next three days for me. As Good Friday arrived, I followed my annual tradition of starting my day watching The Passion of the Christ. This year, it hit home much more than it ever has. I still weep at the suffering Jesus Christ endured for ME. My frame of mind and the innermost feelings in my heart were put in the right spot for the waiting….the anxious anticipation of Christ’s Resurrection.

Last night, I set my alarm for 5:15am. I was going to attend the 6am Easter Sunrise Service on the cemetery. It was a tradition I always enjoyed as a youngster. I would be the only one in my family who would wake up, get ready, and trudge across the yard to catch a ride with my neighbors, Ruthie and Merritt. As I got older, it became a yearly tradition to meet my friend, Paul, in front of the church and together we’d walk up the hill to the service. A few times as I grew up, I attended the services, but it has been a few years since I felt it important to wake up and go. Until this year…..

The alarm sounded and I got up without hesitation, threw on my sweats and a baseball hat. I had hoped that my 16 year old daughter would join me, and I know she set her alarm and did wake up, but I believe she fell back to sleep. It was a little pinch of disappointment, but I understand. She’s not quite there yet in her faith journey. I left my house at 5:40 to start walking. Now, .75 miles doesn’t seem like a lot, however, it is quite the hill to climb. It’s not an easy grade to trek up, especially as you get older. At one point, about halfway up the hill, I began to rethink my option. It would be so much easier to just turn around and walk back home. I was short on breath, it was chilly, and I had a little bit of a climb yet. And then, it all came together and my mind swirled with images of Christ carrying His cross up the hill to Golgotha, already beaten down, spit on, ridiculed, and yet He carried that cross up a hill knowing what was going to happen once He reached the top. If He could do it, meeting a far more terrible fate than I would at the top, I, too, can make it. And so I trudged on.

I made it. I arrived at the top in time to be asked to be a reader. What an honor. To many, it wouldn’t seem like much, but to me, to be asked to read at the Resurrection service of my Lord, my Savior was a true honor for me. We celebrated through song, prayer, scripture, sermon, and praise for our Risen Lord. I watched the beautiful sunrise come through the trees on the far edge of the cemetery and I smiled, knowing my Redeemer lives!

The whole walk home, I kept humming the Casting Crowns song, Oh Glorious Day! I am so thankful to have been led back. I am so thankful that, while there are baskets filled on my table for my family, I was raised to know and understand the true meaning of Easter. I am thankful that through my own reflections, I will walk into church this morning, praising the fact that Christ is Risen, and not just saying it, but believing it with my whole heart.

"Glorious Day (Living He Loved Me)"

One day when Heaven was filled with His praises

One day when sin was as black as could be

Jesus came forth to be born of a virgin

Dwelt among men, my example is He

Word became flesh and the light shined among us

His glory revealed

[Chorus:]

Living, He loved me

Dying, He saved me

Buried, He carried my sins far away

Rising, He justified freely forever

One day He's coming

Oh glorious day, oh glorious day

One day they led Him up Calvary's mountain

One day they nailed Him to die on a tree

Suffering anguish, despised and rejected

Bearing our sins, my Redeemer is He

Hands that healed nations, stretched out on a tree

And took the nails for me

[Chorus]

One day the grave could conceal Him no longer

One day the stone rolled away from the door

Then He arose, over death He had conquered

Now He's ascended, my Lord evermore

Death could not hold Him, the grave could not keep Him

From rising again

[Chorus]

One day the trumpet will sound for His coming

One day the skies with His glories will shine

Wonderful day, my Beloved One, bringing

My Savior, Jesus, is mine

[Chorus]

Glorious day, Oh, Glorious day

Christ is risen, my friends…..He is risen, indeed. Until tomorrow……Happy Easter

Think Thankfully

When you feel like hope is gone...

It has been a very trying week, hence the lack of blog postings. It is hard to write positively when you don't feel so positive yourself. I thought I could conquer this feeling, but it has been festering all week until this morning.

My daughter's boyfriend sent me a SnapChat video last night. While I was already asleep when it was sent and didn't get it til this morning, once I saw it, I knew there was a reason for that happening. Now, while I am not sure he meant to send it to me, I like to think he sees my Facebook posts and is quite intuitive to what's going on in my little corner of the world here in Pennsylvania. Once I saw it was a video, I eagerly waited for it to load so I could watch. Secretly, I was hoping it was another humorous one with one of his instrument students (he's a band director/instrumental music teacher - and a darn good one, too!). Not at all. It may not have been what I was expecting, but it was just what I needed. As the video starts, it is him, lip synching to the most perfect part of Mariah Carey's song, Hero....."So when you feel like hope is gone, look inside you and be strong." WOW. Just what this Momma needed this morning as I enter day 4 of what could be hell on earth.

Hope. A simple 4 letter word. HOPE. Yup, count them, 4 letters long. 

HOPE (hōp) :

noun

1. a feeling of expectation and desire for a certain thing to happen.

"he looked through her belongings in the hope of coming across some information"

synonyms:          aspiration, desire, wish, expectation, ambition, aim, goal, plan, design; 

2. a person or thing that may help or save someone.

"their only hope is surgery"

3. grounds for believing that something good may happen.

"he does see some hope for the future"

synonyms:          hopefulness, optimism, expectation, expectancy; More

antonyms:          pessimism

4. a feeling of trust.

verb

1.want something to happen or be the case.

"he's hoping for an offer of compensation"

synonyms:          expect, anticipate, look for, be hopeful of, pin one's hopes on, want;

Hope. Hope is a belief that circumstances in the future will be better. It's NOT simply a wish that things will get better, but an actual belief, even when there may be no evidence that anything will change, that things will be better. Hope can encompass a wide variety of beliefs -- everything from an athlete hoping for that college scholarship to a cancer patient hoping for a cure. Hope is the word we hear over anything. 

Believe it or not, hope wasn’t always considered a good thing. Back in earlier times, poets and writers dismissed the concept of hope as a cruel joke of higher beings. To them, it was an illusion that lured gullible, dimwitted people to believe in a better future, only to let them down in the end. To them, and they wrote about it, hope was just another word for disappointment, being let down, a falsity of man.

To a sailor lost at sea, a small blip of light in the distance is hope of soon being back on solid ground. To the woman longing for a child, hope is the news that she is finally pregnant. To the serviceman or woman, hope is word that they are finally coming home from a years long deployment. And to me, hope is that reminder to look inside myself for the strength I need to get through whatever it is I am facing in these last days of the school year.

It hasn't been easy these past few days and at one point, I truly gave up hope. I gave up feeling as if anything good would happen for me. Not anymore, thanks to my daughter's boyfriend. I am facing today and each of the remaining 45 days with all the hope in the world that I WILL make it through this school year, I WILL be the best I can be, and I WILL call this year a success. Hope rests inside me. Who is anyone else to take that hope away from me. Hope is NOT a disappointment, it is the fire that drives me to keep pushing forward when everything else is pushing against me. Hope is the reminder to look inside myself and be strong. I am the hero of my own life!

Until tomorrow, my friends.....

Think Thankfully!

Mirror Mirror on the Wall.....

This is an image I absolutely LOVE. It says so much to us about how we view ourselves. Too many times, our insecurities, depression, poor self-image, among a whole host of other negative feelings, begin to take over and we start to fall deep into a dark, dark hole. We allow ourselves to think we are not worthy of greatness. We see ourselves as timid kittens rather than big game cats! It is ALL in how we view ourselves!

Take a look at the image above. How many times have you looked in a mirror and seen that 'larger than life' image of yourself? How many times have you looked into the mirror and truly LOVED the person you see looking back? I'd be willing to bet that it doesn't happen too often. I know for me, it rarely does. I often see what my head has tricked me to believe. It doesn't matter how many times my husband tells me I'm beautiful, fantastic, gorgeous.....I don't see that. I know I suffer from low self-esteem, but I'm trying to see myself better, like the big, fierce tiger....I'm working on it!

In plain and simple words, self-esteem refers to your opinion of self. High self-esteem means you hold yourself in high regard, whereas low self-esteem means you do not have a good opinion about yourself and can end up causing depression, anxiety, and issues with self-worth. Self-esteem refers to how much you value yourself and how important YOU think YOU are. It isn’t about what others may think of you, but rather self-esteem is a measure of how you see yourself and how you feel about your life and your achievements.

Self-esteem is not about bragging about yourself, it’s actually knowing within yourself, that you are worthy of the best, that you DESERVE the best. It is about loving and accepting yourself just the way you are – not about thinking you are perfect (let's face it...nobody is). It’s about looking into that mirror and seeing a big ol’ tiger rather than a little bity housecat! It’s about LOVING YOURSELF first!

Until tomorrow.....

Think Thankfully!!!

Be comfortable with who you are.....

There is nothing more powerful than being comfortable in your own skin. Being who you are and accepting it. Being happy with what you've been given. Easier said than done, huh?

After a spectacular day yesterday, I watched the local news and saw myself. EEEEEEEK. Instant self awareness took place and I realized I look like holy crap again. I seriously put on so much weight that I so proudly took off nearly three years ago. Here we go again. Nothing in the closet fits, I feel like I'm stuffing 10 pounds of sausage into a 5 pound casing every time I get dressed anymore but seeing it on the television. Oh my!

My night was cut very short. Pretty sure I was in bed and wallowing in self pity at around 7:30pm. I missed Criminal Minds. I missed some texts from my daughter (and my husband, too). I tried to hide myself away from a world that wasn't even looking. Silly me.

Being comfortably with who you are is tough in our society. All around us are images of slender people. Well toned people. Even the styles of clothing these days are driven for the skinny person. As I sit here writing, I am trying to reflect on my weight loss journey. Sure I felt real good being thinner. I enjoyed that, but for who? I've always felt like I was never good enough for anyone. I was in a relationship where I had to weigh under a certain weight, look a certain way, be toned and muscular because I wasn't good enough to be seen with if I wasn't. I learned it didn't matter. It wasn't love and no matter how I looked, I'd never be quite right. That's a hard pill to swallow. It creates a lifetime of insecurities, no matter who comes along to love you after that.

Right at this moment, I feel very poorly about myself. I'm angry that I let myself go again. I'm frustrated that my willpower seems to have walked away (probably with the healthy foods I used to eat). I'm not 100% happy with myself at the moment. But the truth of the matter is, I realize it. I know I will get to a comfortable spot again. I know I am loved for more than what my jeans size is. I'm happy in life and that counts for a lot. People often think that just because you aren't happy with yourself at the moment, you can't possibly be happy in life. I disagree.

I'm happily married to an amazing man, I have two very awesome daughters, and I have a job I do enjoy going to far more often than not! I'm happy in life, just not happy with myself right now. But it will change. That much I can assure you!

There is nothing more powerful than being comfortably in your own skin. I plan to get that power back....watch me!

Until tomorrow, my friends....

Think Thankfully!!!

A day in the life....Room 101.

I am a firm believer of this. Sometimes it's hard, I know! For me, this morning was one of those mornings I wasn't so sure my day would go as swimmingly as I had hoped it would. I knew I'd be down a staff member in my room today and I wasn't sure who (or even IF) I'd have a sub in her place. That is a great big stressor of mine. Can two of us handle the room on our own, ABSOLUTELY. Is it easier with three.....ABSOLUTELY! After dropping my daughter off at the high school today, my ride to work consisted of The Message Sirius station (channel 63 for those who care). As I pulled out onto Route 209, the Casting Crowns song Voice of Truth came on and I immediately let go.....and figured I'd better just let God. The voice of truth says 'DO NOT BE AFRAID.'

As I said to my parents' in their daily note home, I cannot even begin express what kind of day I had. I feel like words won't even do it justice! Perhaps I should give you a glimpse into what my classroom is made up of. I teach in an elementary emotional support classroom that is run by a local Intermediate Unit. My class is currently made up of 2 Kindergarteners, 4 1st graders, 2 2nd graders, and 4 3rd graders. Of those numbers, I have five different academic groupings within the 12 students. An emotional support classroom is exactly as it sounds. My students (most of them) deal with significant social, emotional, and behavioral disabilities that impact their learning in a regular education setting. We deal with behaviors.....lots of them. It's a challenging job, but one I truly love, despite sometimes feeling like a failure at it. My wee ones are a unique bunch because they are soooooooooooooo different. All 12 of them. YET.....they are all so similar! When you remove their disabilities, they are all wee ones. They are not, in my eyes, defined by their disabilities. They are defined as being the most amazing bunch of wee ones. And today.....they deserve a blog posting.

So, my class is driven by structure and schedule. Our day is built around it. My wee ones depend on it. When the schedule is out of whack, so are they. Understandably so. I feel like the past two weeks have been out of whack for us, yet they handled themselves amazingly well. We've had to deal with PSSA State Testing and a 2 hour delay and changes in group times and me being out the classroom for meetings. It's put a real damper on what they know as being structured and on schedule. Knowing that our day was, once again going to be turned all topsy turvy due to our classroom constant, Ms Bonnie, being out, we had to change up our group schedule again because of an assembly at the end of the day. It was decided that we'd focus this morning on our Science project, knowing deep down that this could spell sudden disaster for us.

We are working on a multi stage project. My class created their own dinosaurs. From the design, they brought those dinosaurs to 3D with air dry clay. Seeing as they didn't follow directions all too well, their dinosaurs were starting to fall apart at the seams. I worried that when we added paint to that clay, it would be the end of the dinosaurs, much like that big bang theory stuff. I prompted the wee ones, telling them that we would, indeed paint our projects BUT.....I was not going to listen to any complaining or whining if their projects fell apart. I explained that sometimes our best set plans fall apart and we just have to roll with it.

With the group tables covered in newspapers, we had the students sit around the table. We handed out the clay projects. We started to take paint requests. And then the magic seemed to happen! Words of encouragement to one another, pleases and thank yous started flowing as paint was shared, giggles and hard work, and NOT ONE COMPLAINT! NOT ONE MENTION OF FRUSTRATION! My wee ones worked for over an hour creating some of the most beautifully painted dinosaurs I have EVER seen! There was not one drop of paint spilled on the table, not one drop of paint spilled on the floor, not one unkind word uttered. If you didn't know what kind of classroom I had, you would NEVER have known it walking into my room today. I spent a lot of time washing out paint brushes, paint cups, and just hanging back by the classroom sink smiling. My heart brimming with pride at what I was witnessing among a group of wee ones who many times, have trouble playing together nicely. It was the first in a series of events today that warmed my heart beyond compare.

As they finished up their painting, they headed back to their seats, found something quietly to work on while the others finished, and waited patiently for our "Wilbur time". I've been reading Charlotte's Web to them in our down time. I've never seen students so engaged in listening to a story. They want every juicy detail...they know the characters by name, can quote them, and learned a little bit of Latin, too. Magnum Opus....great work. The wee ones in Room 101 are my magnum opus. They are my great work.

And then.....the finale of our day today was our attendance at a Raising the House Pie in the Face assembly. I had the distinct pleasure of being 'pied' in the face by two students who earned the privilege of being the pie chuckers by winning a bit of a classroom challenge. To see my wee ones, laughing and cheering, enjoying the moment of seeing their teacher with a completely whipped cream face....well, it was just overwhelming to me. I'm not going to lie. I had tears in my eyes (I blamed the whipped cream that dripped in there, but honestly, I was overwhelmed). Sure, we ended the day with some behaviors to note, but that's all in a day in Room 101.

At the beginning of this year, I wasn't so sure I was cut out to be the elementary emotional support teacher. I spent so much time at the high school level that I was pretty sure this move would kill me. While I am still not 100% sure that THIS is where I belong, I can say that when I see the behavioral growth in these wee ones, when they are using words rather than fists, when they slouch in their chairs because they are mad and are NOT flipping desks, when they smile and say, 'You are the best'....well, then I can't seem to feel lost on this journey anymore. And when my one wee one, who came to me pretty much non-verbal gives me a smile, a hug, and an "I love you", well....I guess I'm doing ok. And when I am hugged by nearly each wee one on their way out the door to their buses at the end of the day, my heart is warmed and I am thankful I am where I am.

Until tomorrow, my friends.....

Think Thankfully!

Today I will

What an empowering three words. TODAY I WILL. Just saying it makes me feel like I can conquer anything I put my mind to! When I wake up in the morning, trudge off to the bathroom to get myself ready for the day, I give myself a little pep talk. It usually starts with.....TODAY I WILL.

Three little words. TODAY I WILL. Three little words that make a lot of difference if used on a daily basis, honestly. TODAY I WILL. In using daily intentions (such as "TODAY I WILL") we are helping ourselves to work toward becoming the person we truly and honestly want to be, doing it one small step at a time. TODAY I WILL…three little words that encourage us to declare our intentions for the day ahead, reflect on progress we may have made up to that point, and subsequently live life a little better than the day before it. TODAY I WILL.

I have often encouraged my friends to keep a gratitude journal. Whether it be when the mood strikes you, or at the end of the day, jot down some things you are thankful for in that day. Recognize that even the bad days produce things to be thankful for. Sometimes, this is a difficult task for people to do. Believing they may sound silly at being thankful for something as silly as toothpaste, they feel that their expressions of gratitude have to be something of a grand scale. Now you and I both know that this is not the case, but some people just can't bring themselves to be thankful. Perhaps starting with a daily intention journal in the morning may help on the road to being more thankful. Wake up and immediately set your mind to the day's intention. TODAY I WILL.....be happier, not let people get to me, sing a song out loud, say hello to a stranger, pay it forward with a random act of kindness......ANYTHING! Just tell yourself that TODAY I WILL and then go out and DO IT! Make it happen!

As I was scrolling through my personal Facebook page (which I am so very close to eliminating from my life), I saw a status update from a special relative of mine. He posted his very own thankful post today. It meant the world to me to see it today, because I know he's been struggling a lot these past two months. I know how he is feeling because I was in his shoes four years ago. When I commented to him that his post made my heart happy, he responded with this: It's hard to think thankfully. Not giving a sob story but my family and friends know that there are to many demons in my head. Right now, I see your post and I decided that maybe it will turn my head around.  So thank you...

My friends.....THIS is why I do what I do. It is my hope that TODAY......someone else will realize the benefit of Think Thankfully. TODAY......someone else will join our journey and become a more thankful person. TODAY......I will continue writing and posting in the hope that I will be able to reach just one person who needs it the most. TODAY, I WILL continue my own Think Thankfully journey (and I sure am glad you are all on this journey with me.). TODAY, I WILL................

...... what will you?

Until tomorrow, my friends........

Think Thankfully

Write what you love....love what you write!

Happy last day of March 2014! I can hardly believe that the last time I truly sat down to write was February 11. I remember the day well, as it was my birthday AND the 1st angelversary of a special little girl in my life. Here we now are, the last day of March, and I have a 2 hour delay! WOW!

So, let me take this time to tell you, I had an extremely amazing experience during the time we were apart. On March 20, I was asked to go along to a Contemporary Christian concert featuring the Casting Crowns. Of course, I said yes....Next to MercyMe and Third Day, I was a fan of Casting Crowns. WOW! I can hardly contain my feelings when I think back to how amazing that concert was! I was so eager to write about it, so eager to put into words what I was feeling. To say it moved me is an understatement. I'd be willing to say it did more than just move me....it pretty much lifted me and replanted me!

Also, during our time apart, we celebrated birthdays in the family! My mom and dad both had birthdays in the Month of March! I'd tell you how old they are, but I'm pretty sure you wouldn't believe me anyway! It always amazes me that my family sticks to tradition and always looks to have cake and ice cream for the birthday boy or girl. Doesn't matter how old you are, we still celebrate! Also, my beloved Grandma would have celebrated a birthday this month, too. I can say, with all honesty, this is the first year I wasn't all heartbroken over not having her here. Her birthday was recognized and honored, but it wasn't a day of sadness. I think I'm completely at peace.....

Write what you love.....love what you write. This whole Think Thankfully journey did not stop because I was missing my desktop for so long. The wonderful app developers at Facebook updated their page manager app and I am now given the wonderful choice of setting up the Think Thankfully Facebook page days in advance. I can schedule posts so that I don't have to feel ball and chained to the page. I collect my images and schedule for two days in advance. Our followers are almost up to 600! Our Journey to a Thousand Thankful Hearts is well underway! I love writing the positives. I love writing about things that make my heart smile. I love writing about the happy world around me. In keeping up with the page and now being back to writing again, I realize just how my life has changed. My happy days far outnumber the unhappy days. I've pushed mistrust and insecurities to a far, hidden corner of my world. I've realized that in order to live a happy life, we must BE happy....and it starts with ourselves.

I still see the 'whoa is me' statuses floating around on Facebook and it makes me sad. I still see people worrying so much about what others are or are not doing and it pains my heart. I truly wish people understood the message. If you want to be happy....then BE HAPPY. The only thing stopping you is YOU. I've lost some more 'friends' on Facebook because people think that if I don't comment or respond to things they post, I'm ignoring them. Not true. I've learned I am NOT living my life if I keep strapped to Facebook. I don't see a lot of things because I have significantly limited my time on it. Facebook is not life. My life is very busy. In addition to working 5 days a week, I still have a non-driving teen at home who is very active with sports and life. THIS is where I am needed. THIS is where I choose to be.

Write what you love, love what you write.....it feels so good to be back!

Until tomorrow, my friends.....

Think Thankfully!