Working on a dream

Dear Readers,

I wish I had the ultimate answer to how to make this blog, our Think Thankfully Facebook page, and the idea of being a more thankful, positive person 'go viral'. Some days I feel like I am fighting a losing battle, although it is a battle I will fight as hard as I can for as long as I can. I write, I post, and yet, I can't reach the amount of people I want to reach. Please don't misunderstand my feelings. I am thrilled beyond words at how many people I do reach, I just find myself wishing for more. When I see other 'pages' on the great book of Faces that have thousands of followers, likes on images, comments on posts....I get very discouraged.

Sometimes, I feel as though people want to be more positive, but they do not really want to be more positive. Does that make sense? I get so discouraged when I can't get a few more likes on my page, when I am stagnant at a certain number, when my outreach is merely an audience of 100 (if I am lucky....some posts don't even garnish that much of an outreach). I get even more discouraged when people unlike the page. I take it personally. I wonder why. I don't post too much (in fact, I think I post too little), I don't clog up your newsfeed. What was it about my posts that caused you to unlike us? It's a frustrating feeling, a never ending cycle. I accept and readily admit that I get very envious of people who seem to have their shit together with regards to social media outreach. I don't know how to make that happen for me.

I wish I were able to make a career out of writing. I want nothing more than to write, to be 'well-renowned' in the world of words. I'd love to sit and write all day long. I know that it isn't as glamorous as I imagine it to be, and I know that there are many days when words aren't easy to come by, but I dream. I want to reach people. I want more than 30 people to read my blog. 

I sit here, wishing. I sit here, researching. I sit here, writing. Writing words that people will never see (well, except my mom. She reads ALL my blog postings!). Writing my innermost feelings. I find myself sitting at restaurants when thoughts swirl around my head. I wonder if what I have to say is worth anything to anyone.

For now, I will just keep doing what I'm doing....

Until next time, my friends....thanks for all the support! Keep on sharing!

Think Thankfully

Positive thinking evokes more energy, more initiative, and more happiness!

My morning was disappointing in that I had hoped to get some answers to some health related issues that have cropped up in my life. It is because of mornings like this particular morning that I do not go to the doctor when I feel ‘some sort of way’. I know some people who are constant complainers of every single ache and pain they feel in their bodies. They run to the doctor, then complain when the doctor can’t identify the source of the pain. I don’t want to be that person, however, today, I certainly felt like I walked a mile in those shoes. I’ve got discomfort, sensitivity, and at least once a day, pain. Uncomfortable pain. After dealing with this for nearly three months, I decided to go to the doctor for the issue. After being examined, nothing definitive was decided. While it wasn’t exactly bad news, in my world, it was devastating. I sat, partially undressed (under the examination gown I was given) and listened to a doctor tell me that he wasn’t sure what the source of my pain was. Insecurities crept in, and I immediately began to think, ‘this man doesn’t believe my pain.’ My mother was along for this visit, and while I know she received a feeling of relief, I felt like my whole reason for not ever going to a doctor was completely validated.

I have no validation for my visit to the dr today. I am having testing done. I have a return visit scheduled (in three months – unless results of tests prove otherwise). And I still have pain and discomfort. Normally speaking, I would not be writing a post like this. I try to keep things positive, but in this instance, I definitely feel like it shows my human side. It shows that I, too, feel defeated at times. This being one of them.

If you know me, you know I am not one to complain. I don’t post all my aches and pains for the world to see (and trust me, there are many aches and pains I feel). I don’t utilize the book of Faces to generate pity or to garner comments galore upon my page. But today, well, today, I am feeling a bit defeated. I want to know why I am experiencing pain. I want to know why I feel discomfort. I want to know it isn’t in my head. I want to feel validated.

Today, I didn’t necessarily get the answers I wanted, but the positive side of it is, I didn’t necessarily get the answers I didn’t want. I learned I must take better care of myself. I can’t possibly take care of those around me if I, myself, am ill. So, I will keep the faith and I will wait, patiently, for results……..and accept any positive thoughts that can be sent my way! Positive thinking evokes more energy, more initiative, and definitely more happiness! And I prefer the happiness!!!

Think Thankfully!!!!

Take charge of YOUR life!

Dear Readers, 

It’s time to embrace the moment and start writing again! I love when the urge to write is bigger than the urge to do anything else at the moment! I sit here in the (somewhat) solitude (Criminal Minds reruns are on the TV providing background noise for me) and so many things swirl around inside my head. I’m a major mish-mash of feelings at this moment, which makes writing a bit tougher than usual, but I forge on, deciding to put onto paper what I’ve got inside my head. Sometimes it helps to battle the blues when I’ve got a keyboard at my fingertips!

I guess you could say I’ve struggled with a form of depression for a little while. I’ve done a very good job of overcoming it, fighting it off by exploring this Think Thankfully journey for the past three and a half years, but it’s always there, in the far reaching bowels of my soul. I can easily slide into feelings of inadequacy, loss, betrayal, fear, and frustration. I think we all can at some point in our lives. When I am at this point in my life, I tend to bottle up my true feelings and I put on the happy face, making it seem like nothing in the world is bothering me. It is at these moments that I feel completely stuck. Like my wheels are turning but I’m going nowhere. Fast. I dream big, but I feel as though I fail at working on reality.

We allow ourselves to believe that we can’t move forward. We can’t get past the rut we are stuck in. But you know what, let me let you in on a little fact of the matter. The truth is (and you KNOW how I feel about the truth!), YOU have the power to move forward no matter what roadblocks you encounter on your journey. YOU have the power to live up to your highest expectation of how amazingly awesome your life can be. YOU have the power to follow through and make significant strides towards your biggest goals, no matter what those goals may be. YOU have all this power because YOU hold in your hand, a CHOICE. In each moment, YOU can choose what you think, what you do, and who you want to be. YOU CHOOSE!

Stop allowing your feelings of inadequacy, loss, betrayal, fear, and frustration control YOU. They are only feelings. They are NOT the fact of your life. Feelings are controlled by YOU. Make the choice to think positively. Be strong and courageous in your daily happenings. Leave no room for inferior feelings. I know it is easier said than done, but believe me, taking baby steps along the way eventually will lead to one HUGE leap, one in which you leave the negativity behind you and start seeing only the positives!!!

Until tomorrow, my friends ….. Take charge of your life and make this day the best day of your life! Keep reminding yourself that you are strong enough to take whatever the next step is in taking charge of YOUR life, and that this step is the only step that matters right now!

Think Thankfully!!!

Look into my eyes, it's where my demons hide.

Lately, the song by Imagine Dragons called Demons has been on replay in my head. "Look into my eyes, it's where my demons hide."  We all have an inner demon that must be fought/battled and controlled. I’ve been battling mine off and on for quite some time. The journey I am on through Think Thankfully has helped me fight/control my inner demon, that every so often make an appearance and ALMOST sidetrack me and knock me off the path to being happier with myself.

My inner demon is the part of me that stops me from being able to accept the person I am, the person I have become, the person who is here, in the present, living what she thinks of as her best life ever! Don’t get me wrong, I am not a miserable shell of a human being, I am not depressed, I am not all about the ‘pity me’ routine that so many people get caught up in. Oh, I most certainly like myself more than not, but I constantly feel like I am not as good as I could be. I always want to be better and I try improve myself. I have a hard time acknowledging when I feel I am good at something. I simply battle the demons who creep on in and try to brainwash me into thinking I am not good enough.

This past week, my demons came pretty close to winning the battle. You see, I am married to an incredible man. He loves me despite my flaws and my constant feelings of not being good enough for him. This week, I let myself believe that because I have gained a little bit (and really, it's only a little bit) of weight back, my husband didn’t want me anymore. I felt like he was doing everything in his power to avoid me. Oh, I know, without a doubt, this is not true, but it was a horrible struggle between what my demons were whispering in my ears and trying to infiltrate in my heart and what I absolutely knew to be true. I let the busy nature of his job, the fact that he is always tinkering around and fixing things around here, and my being a tad bit under the weather be the open door for those little whispers of negativity that could have created a very bad situation for me and my husband. I made the choices in what I believed to be true and what I knew to be true. It's a tough road to be on when those little whispers seem like screams.

What I've learned on this journey to being more positive is that once we truly begin to know ourselves and accept ourselves, flaws and all, can we keep those demons far away from us. We can start to take back the power. This journey to being more thankful and more positive is a constantly evolving journey. I don’t believe I will ever reach the end of it, because each day I change. We all do. We are constantly changing people and in changing, we sometimes let our guards down. I have to be aware every day of the good in my life, the things to be grateful for.  I fight demons every day by focusing on what I do like about myself. I seize each day and the little things to be thankful for and slowly I have been gaining self-acceptance in the process. Our demons know that we are weak. We allow them the power to control us. We choose what we believe to be true versus what we know to be true. "But with the beast inside, there’s nowhere we can hide." 

Starting today, believe a little more in yourself. Concentrate on what you KNOW to be true and stop believing the whispers that try to make you feel anything less than comfortable and happy!!

Until next time, my friends....

"Demons"

When the days are cold
And the cards all fold
And the saints we see
Are all made of gold

When your dreams all fail
And the ones we hail
Are the worst of all
And the blood’s run stale

I wanna hide the truth
I wanna shelter you
But with the beast inside
There’s nowhere we can hide

No matter what we breed
We still are made of greed
This is my kingdom come
This is my kingdom come

When you feel my heat
Look into my eyes
It’s where my demons hide
It’s where my demons hide
Don’t get too close
It’s dark inside
It’s where my demons hide
It’s where my demons hide

At the curtain’s call
It's the last of all
When the lights fade out
All the sinners crawl

So they dug your grave
And the masquerade
Will come calling out
At the mess you made

Don't wanna let you down
But I am hell bound
Though this is all for you
Don't wanna hide the truth

No matter what we breed
We still are made of greed
This is my kingdom come
This is my kingdom come

When you feel my heat
Look into my eyes
It’s where my demons hide
It’s where my demons hide
Don’t get too close
It’s dark inside
It’s where my demons hide
It’s where my demons hide

They say it's what you make
I say it's up to fate
It's woven in my soul
I need to let you go

Your eyes, they shine so bright
I wanna save that light
I can't escape this now
Unless you show me how

When you feel my heat
Look into my eyes
It’s where my demons hide
It’s where my demons hide
Don’t get too close
It’s dark inside
It’s where my demons hide
It’s where my demons hide

When you feel like hope is gone...

It has been a very trying week, hence the lack of blog postings. It is hard to write positively when you don't feel so positive yourself. I thought I could conquer this feeling, but it has been festering all week until this morning.

My daughter's boyfriend sent me a SnapChat video last night. While I was already asleep when it was sent and didn't get it til this morning, once I saw it, I knew there was a reason for that happening. Now, while I am not sure he meant to send it to me, I like to think he sees my Facebook posts and is quite intuitive to what's going on in my little corner of the world here in Pennsylvania. Once I saw it was a video, I eagerly waited for it to load so I could watch. Secretly, I was hoping it was another humorous one with one of his instrument students (he's a band director/instrumental music teacher - and a darn good one, too!). Not at all. It may not have been what I was expecting, but it was just what I needed. As the video starts, it is him, lip synching to the most perfect part of Mariah Carey's song, Hero....."So when you feel like hope is gone, look inside you and be strong." WOW. Just what this Momma needed this morning as I enter day 4 of what could be hell on earth.

Hope. A simple 4 letter word. HOPE. Yup, count them, 4 letters long. 

HOPE (hōp) :

noun

1. a feeling of expectation and desire for a certain thing to happen.

"he looked through her belongings in the hope of coming across some information"

synonyms:          aspiration, desire, wish, expectation, ambition, aim, goal, plan, design; 

2. a person or thing that may help or save someone.

"their only hope is surgery"

3. grounds for believing that something good may happen.

"he does see some hope for the future"

synonyms:          hopefulness, optimism, expectation, expectancy; More

antonyms:          pessimism

4. a feeling of trust.

verb

1.want something to happen or be the case.

"he's hoping for an offer of compensation"

synonyms:          expect, anticipate, look for, be hopeful of, pin one's hopes on, want;

Hope. Hope is a belief that circumstances in the future will be better. It's NOT simply a wish that things will get better, but an actual belief, even when there may be no evidence that anything will change, that things will be better. Hope can encompass a wide variety of beliefs -- everything from an athlete hoping for that college scholarship to a cancer patient hoping for a cure. Hope is the word we hear over anything. 

Believe it or not, hope wasn’t always considered a good thing. Back in earlier times, poets and writers dismissed the concept of hope as a cruel joke of higher beings. To them, it was an illusion that lured gullible, dimwitted people to believe in a better future, only to let them down in the end. To them, and they wrote about it, hope was just another word for disappointment, being let down, a falsity of man.

To a sailor lost at sea, a small blip of light in the distance is hope of soon being back on solid ground. To the woman longing for a child, hope is the news that she is finally pregnant. To the serviceman or woman, hope is word that they are finally coming home from a years long deployment. And to me, hope is that reminder to look inside myself for the strength I need to get through whatever it is I am facing in these last days of the school year.

It hasn't been easy these past few days and at one point, I truly gave up hope. I gave up feeling as if anything good would happen for me. Not anymore, thanks to my daughter's boyfriend. I am facing today and each of the remaining 45 days with all the hope in the world that I WILL make it through this school year, I WILL be the best I can be, and I WILL call this year a success. Hope rests inside me. Who is anyone else to take that hope away from me. Hope is NOT a disappointment, it is the fire that drives me to keep pushing forward when everything else is pushing against me. Hope is the reminder to look inside myself and be strong. I am the hero of my own life!

Until tomorrow, my friends.....

Think Thankfully!

....some days are like this, even in Australia

There will be days when you feel like the world is crumbling beneath your feet, as if every good thing you have ever done has been trumped by something or someone else. There will be days when you wonder if you can keep going along this path, like you continue to take every wrong turn along the way. There will be days that test your patience and build your character, days that you simply do whatever it takes to make it through without hurting someone or saying something you will end up regretting. There will be days when you just want to put your head down and cry. There will be days when you really want to quit, when you just can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel. Today is one of those days for me.

There will be days just like these throughout your life because you’re human after all. But just remember that it’s on days like this that the true reflection of who you are shines through.  It’s on days like this that you show the world what you are made of.

To quote one of my favorite storybook characters, Alexander, “Today was a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.” My strength, patience, and fortitude have been tested to their outermost limits today. Today has been one of those days that has me questioning everything about my life as I know it, with the exception of my relationships. I’m feeling pretty solid about those, and it feels good to come home from a day like this to a loving husband, who allows me to vent! God Bless him. 

As my own terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day progressed on, I received a message on the great book of Faces from a friend who needed some ‘positive’ advice. It killed me. At that moment in time, I seriously wanted to say…..’ASK SOMEONE ELSE, MY LIFE SUCKS RIGHT NOW’, but I did not. I knew I was needed. I knew THIS is why I created Think Thankfully. This is one of my gifts to the world and there was no way I was letting her down. I told her I’d message her back when I got home and had a clearer head. And then it struck me…..

Sometimes it pays to actually take your own advice.  Although to be honest, today will probably not go into the archives of my life as the absolutely worst day of my life, on a professional level it ranks very high on the list.  While many tell me to take all the stuff being placed before me as an indication of how wonderful my classroom is run, that does not help me…..the perfectionist, the teacher with the high standards not just for her students but for herself, the one who feels that no matter how good I am, I’ll always be dumped on and no one listens. Yes, I’m venting. Yes, this is my outlet. Do I love my job….yes, but I don’t love the sincere tests of my ability that I have been up against lately. Today, I’m feeling as though my best will always get me more frustrations.

I came home today completely stressed with my blood pressure beginning to skyrocket, tears welling in my eyes, my voice reaching abnormal altitudes when talking, and I immediately hit the Cool Ranch Doritos (in case you missed it, I’m a serious stress eater). As I sat here, breaking out the Microsoft Word to write my frustrations away, it occurred to me that I’d be giving people some sort of advice with this blog. But what advice would I be giving when the world seems to be walking all over you? What could I possibly say to anyone to make a terrible day seem not so terrible? How do I seriously handle situations (or days) like this? Well, here’s what we do:

We faced the trouble head on.  When those worst of days come rushing at us like an out of control freight train, it never does any good to try to live in denial of what is happening.  At best, it will just prolong the agony.  So what do we do? We face it.  It is there.  We cannot deny it or ignore it. For me, I cannot change the events that are happening. I’ve got absolutely NO CONTROL over the end result, but I do have control over what happens after and that might be ok for me. Rather that wallow in self-pity and stress, I will face what comes along. Perhaps I can be like Superman and just stretch out my arms and stop it all, but that’s highly unlikely, so face it I will!

We control what we can in the situation and let the rest of the chips fall where they may. When we face what we feel might just be the worst day of our life, either we should take control of what we can or we just accept that there is nothing we can really do.  

From time to time, our days will be filled with complete and utter chaos and frustration. There will be days when we want to pack it in, quit, walk away. There will be times when we cannot control what is happening, but rather we must deal with the hand that’s dealt us. Face those difficulties head on. Control what you can. And in the end, realize….’Mom says there are days like this, even in Australia.’

Until tomorrow, my friends….

Think Thankfully!!!!

Mirror Mirror on the Wall.....

This is an image I absolutely LOVE. It says so much to us about how we view ourselves. Too many times, our insecurities, depression, poor self-image, among a whole host of other negative feelings, begin to take over and we start to fall deep into a dark, dark hole. We allow ourselves to think we are not worthy of greatness. We see ourselves as timid kittens rather than big game cats! It is ALL in how we view ourselves!

Take a look at the image above. How many times have you looked in a mirror and seen that 'larger than life' image of yourself? How many times have you looked into the mirror and truly LOVED the person you see looking back? I'd be willing to bet that it doesn't happen too often. I know for me, it rarely does. I often see what my head has tricked me to believe. It doesn't matter how many times my husband tells me I'm beautiful, fantastic, gorgeous.....I don't see that. I know I suffer from low self-esteem, but I'm trying to see myself better, like the big, fierce tiger....I'm working on it!

In plain and simple words, self-esteem refers to your opinion of self. High self-esteem means you hold yourself in high regard, whereas low self-esteem means you do not have a good opinion about yourself and can end up causing depression, anxiety, and issues with self-worth. Self-esteem refers to how much you value yourself and how important YOU think YOU are. It isn’t about what others may think of you, but rather self-esteem is a measure of how you see yourself and how you feel about your life and your achievements.

Self-esteem is not about bragging about yourself, it’s actually knowing within yourself, that you are worthy of the best, that you DESERVE the best. It is about loving and accepting yourself just the way you are – not about thinking you are perfect (let's face it...nobody is). It’s about looking into that mirror and seeing a big ol’ tiger rather than a little bity housecat! It’s about LOVING YOURSELF first!

Until tomorrow.....

Think Thankfully!!!

Thoughts on an arrow.....

Recently, a very good friend of mine (in fact, I consider her a sista from another missus and mista) celebrated a birthday. She spent the day with her very best friend, doing all kinds of best friend stuff. Before calling it a day and returning to her ‘stomping ground’ (which is in fact the amazing tavern, Lizard Creek Tavern, that she is the general manager of), she and her friend got tattoos. Each of them got the same tattoo that symbolizes their friendship. And then, my dear friend took hers one step farther. She had a single arrow tattooed between the middle and top knuckle of her left ring finger. I found that to be a bit odd until she said something to this effect, “An arrow can only be shot by pulling it backward. When life is dragging you back with difficulties, it means it’s going to launch you into something great. So just focus, and keep aiming.” (mind you, that is not HER quote, but a quote she used) She finished off the explanation by saying, “I’m shooting forward, baby.”

That seriously got me thinking. In fact, I have not stopped thinking about what it means and how important the message is since seeing it last Friday night. It truly made me step back and think about the obstacles that I have faced throughout my life and the obstacles I continue to face each and every day. I’ve struggled with being an outcast in middle school, becoming a teenaged mom in high school, college life, grad school, work, death of loved ones, the critic within myself and all the insecurities that come along with being better than Siskle and Ebert. And then I couldn't stop thinking of where I am today. Where my arrow launched me to and where I can still be launched towards. I couldn't believe how accurate and true that quote really was and what a great reminder it could be for anyone. When you set goals for yourself and then keep in mind what all the obstacles, the struggles, and the heartache that will occur will eventually lead to, the only way to go is forward into greatness.

I encourage anyone who is holding back because of fear, lack of money, or a busy work schedule: Make time for the things you have wanted to do or have been afraid to do. Once you make it through all those pesky obstacles that life always manages to present, you are truly launched towards something great! Complete awesomeness is always waiting at the end. Like the arrow, you will be pulled back, but always remember that you are then launched forward and the distance you go is entirely up to you!

Until tomorrow, my friends……

Think Thankfully!!!

Be comfortable with who you are.....

There is nothing more powerful than being comfortable in your own skin. Being who you are and accepting it. Being happy with what you've been given. Easier said than done, huh?

After a spectacular day yesterday, I watched the local news and saw myself. EEEEEEEK. Instant self awareness took place and I realized I look like holy crap again. I seriously put on so much weight that I so proudly took off nearly three years ago. Here we go again. Nothing in the closet fits, I feel like I'm stuffing 10 pounds of sausage into a 5 pound casing every time I get dressed anymore but seeing it on the television. Oh my!

My night was cut very short. Pretty sure I was in bed and wallowing in self pity at around 7:30pm. I missed Criminal Minds. I missed some texts from my daughter (and my husband, too). I tried to hide myself away from a world that wasn't even looking. Silly me.

Being comfortably with who you are is tough in our society. All around us are images of slender people. Well toned people. Even the styles of clothing these days are driven for the skinny person. As I sit here writing, I am trying to reflect on my weight loss journey. Sure I felt real good being thinner. I enjoyed that, but for who? I've always felt like I was never good enough for anyone. I was in a relationship where I had to weigh under a certain weight, look a certain way, be toned and muscular because I wasn't good enough to be seen with if I wasn't. I learned it didn't matter. It wasn't love and no matter how I looked, I'd never be quite right. That's a hard pill to swallow. It creates a lifetime of insecurities, no matter who comes along to love you after that.

Right at this moment, I feel very poorly about myself. I'm angry that I let myself go again. I'm frustrated that my willpower seems to have walked away (probably with the healthy foods I used to eat). I'm not 100% happy with myself at the moment. But the truth of the matter is, I realize it. I know I will get to a comfortable spot again. I know I am loved for more than what my jeans size is. I'm happy in life and that counts for a lot. People often think that just because you aren't happy with yourself at the moment, you can't possibly be happy in life. I disagree.

I'm happily married to an amazing man, I have two very awesome daughters, and I have a job I do enjoy going to far more often than not! I'm happy in life, just not happy with myself right now. But it will change. That much I can assure you!

There is nothing more powerful than being comfortably in your own skin. I plan to get that power back....watch me!

Until tomorrow, my friends....

Think Thankfully!!!

A day in the life....Room 101.

I am a firm believer of this. Sometimes it's hard, I know! For me, this morning was one of those mornings I wasn't so sure my day would go as swimmingly as I had hoped it would. I knew I'd be down a staff member in my room today and I wasn't sure who (or even IF) I'd have a sub in her place. That is a great big stressor of mine. Can two of us handle the room on our own, ABSOLUTELY. Is it easier with three.....ABSOLUTELY! After dropping my daughter off at the high school today, my ride to work consisted of The Message Sirius station (channel 63 for those who care). As I pulled out onto Route 209, the Casting Crowns song Voice of Truth came on and I immediately let go.....and figured I'd better just let God. The voice of truth says 'DO NOT BE AFRAID.'

As I said to my parents' in their daily note home, I cannot even begin express what kind of day I had. I feel like words won't even do it justice! Perhaps I should give you a glimpse into what my classroom is made up of. I teach in an elementary emotional support classroom that is run by a local Intermediate Unit. My class is currently made up of 2 Kindergarteners, 4 1st graders, 2 2nd graders, and 4 3rd graders. Of those numbers, I have five different academic groupings within the 12 students. An emotional support classroom is exactly as it sounds. My students (most of them) deal with significant social, emotional, and behavioral disabilities that impact their learning in a regular education setting. We deal with behaviors.....lots of them. It's a challenging job, but one I truly love, despite sometimes feeling like a failure at it. My wee ones are a unique bunch because they are soooooooooooooo different. All 12 of them. YET.....they are all so similar! When you remove their disabilities, they are all wee ones. They are not, in my eyes, defined by their disabilities. They are defined as being the most amazing bunch of wee ones. And today.....they deserve a blog posting.

So, my class is driven by structure and schedule. Our day is built around it. My wee ones depend on it. When the schedule is out of whack, so are they. Understandably so. I feel like the past two weeks have been out of whack for us, yet they handled themselves amazingly well. We've had to deal with PSSA State Testing and a 2 hour delay and changes in group times and me being out the classroom for meetings. It's put a real damper on what they know as being structured and on schedule. Knowing that our day was, once again going to be turned all topsy turvy due to our classroom constant, Ms Bonnie, being out, we had to change up our group schedule again because of an assembly at the end of the day. It was decided that we'd focus this morning on our Science project, knowing deep down that this could spell sudden disaster for us.

We are working on a multi stage project. My class created their own dinosaurs. From the design, they brought those dinosaurs to 3D with air dry clay. Seeing as they didn't follow directions all too well, their dinosaurs were starting to fall apart at the seams. I worried that when we added paint to that clay, it would be the end of the dinosaurs, much like that big bang theory stuff. I prompted the wee ones, telling them that we would, indeed paint our projects BUT.....I was not going to listen to any complaining or whining if their projects fell apart. I explained that sometimes our best set plans fall apart and we just have to roll with it.

With the group tables covered in newspapers, we had the students sit around the table. We handed out the clay projects. We started to take paint requests. And then the magic seemed to happen! Words of encouragement to one another, pleases and thank yous started flowing as paint was shared, giggles and hard work, and NOT ONE COMPLAINT! NOT ONE MENTION OF FRUSTRATION! My wee ones worked for over an hour creating some of the most beautifully painted dinosaurs I have EVER seen! There was not one drop of paint spilled on the table, not one drop of paint spilled on the floor, not one unkind word uttered. If you didn't know what kind of classroom I had, you would NEVER have known it walking into my room today. I spent a lot of time washing out paint brushes, paint cups, and just hanging back by the classroom sink smiling. My heart brimming with pride at what I was witnessing among a group of wee ones who many times, have trouble playing together nicely. It was the first in a series of events today that warmed my heart beyond compare.

As they finished up their painting, they headed back to their seats, found something quietly to work on while the others finished, and waited patiently for our "Wilbur time". I've been reading Charlotte's Web to them in our down time. I've never seen students so engaged in listening to a story. They want every juicy detail...they know the characters by name, can quote them, and learned a little bit of Latin, too. Magnum Opus....great work. The wee ones in Room 101 are my magnum opus. They are my great work.

And then.....the finale of our day today was our attendance at a Raising the House Pie in the Face assembly. I had the distinct pleasure of being 'pied' in the face by two students who earned the privilege of being the pie chuckers by winning a bit of a classroom challenge. To see my wee ones, laughing and cheering, enjoying the moment of seeing their teacher with a completely whipped cream face....well, it was just overwhelming to me. I'm not going to lie. I had tears in my eyes (I blamed the whipped cream that dripped in there, but honestly, I was overwhelmed). Sure, we ended the day with some behaviors to note, but that's all in a day in Room 101.

At the beginning of this year, I wasn't so sure I was cut out to be the elementary emotional support teacher. I spent so much time at the high school level that I was pretty sure this move would kill me. While I am still not 100% sure that THIS is where I belong, I can say that when I see the behavioral growth in these wee ones, when they are using words rather than fists, when they slouch in their chairs because they are mad and are NOT flipping desks, when they smile and say, 'You are the best'....well, then I can't seem to feel lost on this journey anymore. And when my one wee one, who came to me pretty much non-verbal gives me a smile, a hug, and an "I love you", well....I guess I'm doing ok. And when I am hugged by nearly each wee one on their way out the door to their buses at the end of the day, my heart is warmed and I am thankful I am where I am.

Until tomorrow, my friends.....

Think Thankfully!

Routines, routines....

I realized way too late last night that I never promoted yesterday's blog. Prior to the tower taking a dump, I had my routine. I woke up, got ready, headed for the downstairs, and blogged. Seemed like after a good night's sleep, I was always able to write. After writing and publishing the blog posting, I'd head over to the FB page and set it up so that the blog would show as a status at some point during the day.

In the two months that my tower was in the shop, I fell out of that routine. I became a morning sloth, making sure I play each of my Snoopy games on the iPad before heading out the door to work. Even this morning, I fell short of getting back into the routine. I did my morning 'get ready' routine and then came downstairs and made sure Snoopy's Candy Town and Snoopy's Street Fair were all taken care of for the day. As my daughter came downstairs, I realized I had a blog to write!

Trust me, I do feel a strong urgency in writing. Since my routine was messed up, the urge to write comes at weird moments, when I am not able to access the blogger site. I've started resorting to writing things down as they strike me, perhaps that's what writers do.

It is amazing to me how we get tied to our routines and once they are messed up, forget it. Seems like it takes three times as long to get back in the swing of things. I find that happening more and more in my life. I've put weight back on (not happy about that), fell out of the walking/exercising routine, stopped reading, and even slowed down with my writing (although that wasn't entirely my conscious fault). All these routines that I had once been so fervent in following are all seeming like distant memories to me right now.

Perhaps I need to become more of a 'go with the flow' kind of person, but I guess I have come to realize that I need my routines. I need to know what I'm doing at what time. I need to have a plan and stick to it. I'm thankful for some eye opening realizations.

Until tomorrow, my friends......

Think Thankfully

It's perfectly ok....

I am in a funk. I blame it on the time of year. I seem to have lost all motivation and desire to do anything. It is a feeling I do not like, nor do I want to keep in my life. I know I'll get over it, but for now, I am in a funk. And you know what? It is really ok!

This weekend has been a big old bag of yuck. My daughter has been battling a bit of a sickness all weekend long (ok, it isn't a bit of a sickness, she is SICK) but doesn't want to miss school, basketball, anything. She is run down, coughing up both lungs, a tad whiny, and just not her usual self. At 16 years old, I still feel sorry for her when she is feeling poorly, much like when she was a baby. It sucks. We spent all day yesterday couped up in the house (which hasn't helped my mood) and today followed suit (couped up all afternoon, going stir crazy). Yes, I am in a funk. And you know what? I AM ALLOWED TO BE!

For a long time after I started this whole Think Thankfully idea, I always thought that I had to put on a chipper face and smile through everything simply because that is what people now expected of me. I am no different that anyone else. I get frustrated, irritated, moody, and I, too, fall into a funk. And you know what??? It's perfectly ok, too!

It is very safe to say this past weekend, I felt sad, down, somewhat blue. Instead of kicking myself in the pants and trying to smile my way out of my funk (which I knew was not a reality because my heart and spirit wasn’t in it) I simply sat down to write it out. Yesterday was a wash. As much as I wanted to write, my time was needed with my daughter. Yes, a sick 16 year old still requires a lot of ‘mom time’ when she is sick. And guess what? That is perfectly ok with me!

While I talk and write about a positive attitude and always being thankful, I constantly remain 100%  realistic about everyone going through these ‘down days’ every once in awhile. So many people think that because you live a happy, positive life more often than not, you are immune to the ‘down days’. Wrong answer! As I sit here typing away, I want to scream, shout, let it all out….and more importantly, I want you to know – IT IS PERFECTLY OK TO FEEL THIS WAY! Sometimes we need to give ourselves permission to not do anything we simply don’t feel like doing (for a day or two), to just wallow a bit in some self pity, to cry if we need to, to have those ‘down days’. And you know what? It is ok! Give yourself that permission! It is perfectly OK!!!!

This much is true: I will get over it.  I know this feeling won’t last long. This funk has been here before (pretty much last year around this time) and I know as soon as I satisfy my need to just ‘be blue’, I will be right back on top of my game, spewing out the sparkly colors of the rainbow for everyone!!!

Until tomorrow, my friends…..don’t try to hide your feelings or pretend they don’t matter. They do! And it is PERFECTLY OK to feel down and blue once in awhile. It is healthy. Just don’t allow yourself to stay that way for too long!!!

Think Thankfully!

I am here to live out loud!

"If you ask me what I came to do in this world, I will answer you: I am here to live out loud."

~Emile Zola

Since Sunday, I’ve had a lot of time to do a lot of thinking. In the blink of an eye, a whole host of people had their lives altered forever. I cannot help but think about the mother of the girl who is still in the fight of her life….for her life. I wonder what she is thinking, what is going through her mind. And then I think about my own daughters. Do I tell them enough that I love them? Do I remember to say it each time we part from one another? When we hang up from talking to one another?  Part of me lives in fear each time my youngest daughter walks away from me toward the school in the morning. Part of me lives in fear each day with my oldest daughter living in a major city on her own. A few weeks ago, the university my oldest is doing her grad work at was on lock down due to an armed man on campus. Fear? You bet. Last week, I heard of a school shooting at a charter school in Philadelphia. Make me nervous? Absolutely, but, that being said……

…..our lives are not meant to be lived in the shadows of fear and doubt! Our lives are meant to be lived out loud! We shouldn’t be sitting quietly, waiting for things to happen (or NOT happen for that matter). We shouldn’t be living in the ‘what if’s’ and ‘should have, could have, didn’t’ mode. We cannot be sitting around wishing we had told someone how we felt about them, had gone on the trip of a lifetime (because hey! We only get one of those lifetimes, don’t we?), had taken the time to get to know someone. Our lives were meant to be LIVED OUT LOUD!

Life is happening right now. RIGHT NOW!!!  As you sit here reading today’s blog, life is ticking away, second by second. Don’t sit back and wait for opportunities to come to you! LIVE OUT LOUD! Go and take those opportunities! Make the best of what you have right now and be thankful for it! Simply because things didn’t go your way, or something bad has happened in your life, don’t put your life on hold, worried about the what if’s. Live with the possibility that something GREAT will happen at any given moment, and live your best life each and every day. No regrets, no shadows, only bold and with purpose!

To quote Garth Brooks: “Our lives, are better left to chance, I could have missed the pain, but I’d have had to miss, the dance.” Don’t miss that dance, my friends…..LIVE YOUR LIFE RIGHT OUT LOUD!!! Don’t let the fear of pain get in your way of being true to you, living life out loud, wearing your true self on your sleeve, and always thinking thankfully!!!

Until tomorrow,  my friends…..are you living out loud or in the shadows of fear and doubt?

Think Thankfully!!

Put your hand in the hand of the man who stilled the water.....

The year 2013 had been quite an enlightening year. I learned an awful lot about myself over the course of the 365 days in 2013. I learned: I am far more patient than I used to be. I enjoy people more and accept them as they are, even if I still feel very lonely at times. And I have grown to appreciate regular quiet time with my bible devotionals. I also learned that my joys are now twice as big because I know that true appreciation and gratitude, especially from the Lord, my God, my Rock and my Redeemer, creates abundance in my life, where I never thought there could be. And I also learned that my troubles are only half as big because I know I do not carry them alone.

Through the use of my YouVersion Bible App as well as the observing of my daughter in her quiet times of daily reflection and devotions, I have come to completely appreciate my time alone with the Word of God. I enjoy sitting with my app open, ready to accept what devotion is sent my way each day. Some days it is spot on for what I am dealing with, other times it shows me just how or why I was able to deal with a situation. Each and every time, it strengthens my faith and reminds me of just why it is I have found my way back.

I started a new Bible reading plan called, Here I Am, Lord on January 1. It is a 31 day plan that explores the book of Psalms which, along with Proverbs, are my two favorite ‘turn to’ books of the Bible for instant reminders when I am in need, or when I need to do some praising! Many of my bookmarks are found in the two books mentioned above. Today’s devotional focus was on being lonely, quite a timely message for me today, as I struggle with this feeling a lot in my life.

People think that because I have a lot of people who I communicate with on a daily basis, whether it be through Facebook, ThinkThankfully, school, etc, that I am filled to the brim with companionship. Oh I have a phenomenal husband, two wonderful children, and many friends, but that does not stop me from feeling very lonely. 12 days of Christmas break from school and I really can’t say I did anything super special with anyone other than my husband or children. When I see postings of the outings of people and their friends, slight pangs of jealousy creep in. Last night was one of those moments.

After a brief encounter that shattered some of my strength in a relationship, quickly chipping away at the solid foundation I thought I had built, I was brought to my knees again after scrolling through my Facebook newsfeed. It is so easy to be shown just how depressing your social life can be when you let your fingers do the scrolling (which I why I have challenged myself to stay off the good book of Faces unless posting my Thankful Posts at night). Many people (well, ok, we haven’t reached a great deal of people with the blog, but it feels good to write out my feelings many days) will read this and quickly message or text me saying, “if you want to do something, just ask.” Those are the people who truly do not know me. I did that far too long in a toxic friendship that got me nowhere except without a friend. I asked, reached out, and was always the forgotten one (unless no one else was available and even then, I wasn’t really asked.). I was always (and sometimes still am) forced to question what is so wrong with ME.

And then, I opened up my app for today and my entire devotional was about feeling lonely. I was instantly reminded that I cannot be lonely with The Lord on my side, because he is ALWAYS there for me. While it isn’t the same as going out, grabbing some lunch or drinks, it is a very comforting thought that He is always a prayer away. “Turn to me and be gracious to me, for I am lonely and afflicted. The troubles of my heart have multiplied; free me from my anguish” Psalm 25:16, 17

Until tomorrow, my friends….put your hand in the hand of the man who stilled the water.....

Think Thankfully

And, I'll have a blue, blue, blue, blue Christmas......

I am very sorry I missed a blog posting yesterday. I was running very late in the morning, when I normally like to sit and write, in the quiet stillness of the house. Work was tough yesterday. Drainingly tough. And we had our 2nd night of 3 nights in a row basketball last night. Needless to say I was drained when I got home. I am super thankful I was able to get out a personal thankful post on Facebook. I pretty much typed, went upstairs, and before my head was even on the pillow, I was out like a light. It did bother me, as I said to my husband before my eyes closed, "My day was so horrible and to top it off, I didn't blog today." He kinda laughed and said, "Well, why not?" I just didn't have it in me. I guess some days are like that....(even in Australia).

Yesterday was a tough day for me to remember my Christmas spirit. I think it is extremely hard, in general, when you give and give and give, are good to people, and then are treated with disrespect in return. I do believe it is even harder in my line of work. I try very hard to see the good in everyone. I try very hard to work on manners with my students. Respect. Friendship. Trustworthiness. Days like yesterday, I feel as though I am not doing a good enough job. While I love working with the elementary aged students, it proves to be far more challenging that inner city, tough, 'gangster', high school kids. Days like yesterday, I feel as though I've failed the challenge miserably.

I've got to keep pushing along here. I've got to keep telling myself that I am making a difference. I've got to keep trying to push the Christmas spirit into the hearts of young and old alike, not just at Christmas, but all the year through. I've got to keep trying.

I know today's posting is a little more depressing than I wish this blog to be, but as I sit here at 6:35am, staring at the bags of goodies I got for my students, hoping to make their Christmas a little bright, I can't help but feel defeated and wonder, "What for?" I'm nearly 100% sure that my efforts will not be appreciated by all of my students (but on a positive note, I can name THREE that right away I KNOW will appreciate and LOVE their gifts!). I feel as though I may have set myself up for heartbreak, when today isn't all they (or should I say I) hoped it would be. And days like yesterday produce mornings like today, where I can't wait for it to be over, I need my Christmas break, and I am praying that the day goes off without a hitch.

I promise I will make tomorrow's blog a little more upbeat. I just needed to get it out, because right now, I'm having a very Blue Christmas.

Until tomorrow, my friends.....Happy Friday.

Think Thankfully.

I'm Mister Snow Miser: I'm Mister Heat Miser

I am a HUGE fan of the Christmas specials by Rankin and Bass. From "Santa Claus is Coming To Town" to "Rudolph The Red Nosed Reindeer" to “Year Without A Santa Claus” to "Little Drummer Boy", Rankin and Bass Christmas specials have never failed to please the inner child in me.  On a shelf in my living room, all my Christmas movies/specials are proudly displayed, but my favorites, are the box set of Rankin and Bass!!!!! Normally, we watch them all as we decorate the house for Christmas. I just love opening up the box and watching them ALL!!!

Due to the impending nasty weather we are forecasted to receive tomorrow, thus causing the cancellation of the Annual Christmas Party (that had been 39 consecutive years strong), I decided to write about the Miser Brothers today: Heat Miser and Snow Miser, from "Year Without A Santa Claus". You must remember them (along with Jingle and Jangle the little Christmas elves)! The two brothers just don't get along. Funny when I look through my newsfeed on the wonderful book of Faces, how many people I see who either love summer and hate winter or vice versa. It’s like we have our own little battle of the Miser brothers before our very eyes. In the summertime, people complain about the heat and how much they despise it and then when the winter hits, there are complaints about the cold and snow.

It is this exact debate that prompted the question: Who is really the better of the two Miser Brothers?  Is it "Mister 101" or "Mr Ten Below"?  Hopefully we can settle this once and for all, but I have a sneaking suspicion that the answer is as simple as, “To each his own.”

Let’s take a look at Brother Number 1. Snow Miser, aka "Mr. White Christmas", lives in the North Pole and enjoys the cold.  He sits on an icy chair and has icicles of snot (which I always thought was quite gross) growing off his gigantic, ski slope nose. He sings and dances about how much he loves snow, white Christmases, and is even referred to as Mr. Ten Below. And now let me introduce Brother Number 2. Heat Miser, aka "Mr. Green Christmas", lives in, what appears to be, the bowels of Hell itself. While eating fire and turning everything he touches into molten goo, he basks in the fiery glory and keeps his icy brother's snow from affecting the South by turning it in to rain. He, too, sings of his love of all things heat, melting things in his clutch, being referred to as Mister 101. Both are creepy, yet insanely adorable Rankin and Bass characters, who are loved by so many people.

I’m not sure which I like better, so for the sake of which Miser Brother is the better of the two, I will vote neither. I enjoy both summer and winter alike. I love basking in the sun on my pool deck, sipping adult beverages with those I love, wearing shorts and tank tops, buuuuuuuut I also enjoy sipping hot chocolate on my couch, wearing baggy sweats, and watching the white flakes float to the ground, creating a beautiful picture of freshly fallen snow.

Right at this moment, I am a tad upset with Mr. Snow Miser for his timing of the next snow storm about to come our way. I wish he would have waited a bit so we are ensured a White Christmas, but……

Until tomorrow, my friends…..let us be thankful for the changing of seasons, the beauty each one brings to us and let us NOT become our own Snow or Heat Misers.

Think Thankfully!!!

Alllllllllll aboard!!!!!!!!

Ok. Here is the scoop. If you want to have a super day, you have to be happy.....be positive.....be receptive to plans changing, schedules being whacked out, things being turned upside down! You have to truly want this super day! It is all in the ATTITUDE! 

I was at the teacher store (Becker's) today and I saw a classroom poster that said, "Attitude is contagious! Is YOURS with catching?" I stood there smiling, thinking to myself, "Well I certainly hope so!" It really got my mind spinning....I've been saying for a long long time now that the difference between a good day and a crappy day is all in your attitude. If you allow negative things to completely ruin your mindset, then you deserve the rotten day you will have. You are in control of your thoughts, you are the conductor of the thought train!!! Do you want to pull into the station at the end of the day smiling, happy with how the ride went or would you prefer the train-wreck? I know for me, I am always enjoying the ride. But others I know.....well, I really think they enjoy the train-wrecks.

I have to wonder why people choose misery when there is so much to be happy and thankful for. As I look back over the past few years of my life, I realize I was one of those people. If there was negativity to be found, I found it. Now, I can hardly stand to even admit that. I wallowed in self pity, surrounded myself with miserable people so that I wouldn't seem so sad, and could not find the happy in anything. My goodness that seems like forever ago! When I think about it, I almost feel sorry for myself. Sheesh. I am so glad those days are GONE!

It may seem easier said than done, and I guess it really is, but folks......be happy! Find the happiness in each and every aspect of your lives. In any article written about being happy, living thankfully, being a more positive person, the advice is always to keep a thankful journal! Ladies and gentlemen, this is what I do and have been doing since October 4, 2011. I have not missed a night of professing my gratitude to my Facebook friends since that night almost 2 years ago. And this has made all the difference.....

I choose to enjoy the ride.....including all the pit stops and detours.....each and every day. I've been on the train-wreck and believe me, it isn't fun. I'm still having trouble understanding why anyone would choose that route. I've hopped off that ride that is destined for disaster and have opted for always choosing my ticket for the happiness express! Wanna join me? Get on board today!!!!!

Help, I've fallen and I wanna get back up!

Healthy breakfast! I love when I go grocery shopping and get all this good healthy food to eat. I got up this morning, made some Special K Nourish Hot Cereal (maple and brown sugar crunch.....yum!), ate a banana, and had a large coffee with stevia extract and 2% milk (total breakfast calories = 310, which isn't bad because I don't eat much lunch)! Yeah! Seems as though the health kick is on again! Why? Well, I kind of let myself to a little bit. I lost a ton of weight and then I sort of stopped caring a little bit. I know I am still in the healthy weight range (just the very upper end of that range) but I am not feeling 100% as confident as I was a few months ago!

Right now, I would love to be able to lose about 20 pounds. That would put me at the lowest I've been since my quest to lose weight two years ago. Believe me, I am NOT sitting here feeling like if I don't lose the weight I'm doomed. Nope. I am relatively content with where I am, although I prefer to be a bit thinner, just because. Clothing fits better, my energy level is a bit higher, and I carry myself differently. Let's hope this kick remains in place!

As I sit here, sipping my coffee, figuring out how to get some sort of exercise into my day today, I am hoping that with the idea of Thinking Thankfully, I will be able to get back on track with a few things I left go by the wayside. Starting up with Zumba classes has helped a bit in the exercise category, now to add a few more things in between dance sessions. Walking, elliptical, workout tapes (because Lord knows I own the gamete of them)......anything.

Today, as I start my day, ready to go start setting up my new classroom, I am using today as a starting point to turn my bad habits around. Get back on track again. Just like everyone now and again, I've slipped. The good news is, I haven't beat myself up over it! I am challenging myself to be the person I know I enjoy being!

And now, I'm off to get working on my new classroom!! Make it a great day everyone and remember, don't let your little slip ups ruin your day! Just try again a little later! No use crying over spilled milk!

It's a WEED HACKER VERN!!!!!

There is nothing I hate more in this world than weed whacking. Not kidding, folks. Weed whacking stresses me out more than I could ever express to you. I dread it with a burning passion. No matter how many times I tell myself that this time it will be different, it is not and I end up flustered and stressed beyond all measure. Seriously. Even in this wonderful time of Thinking Thankfully and positively, the one thing that can pop my positive bubble is the task of weed whacking.

After a long day yesterday, in which my husband was gone from 8:30am til 5:00am this morning, I decided that when I woke up, I'd head outside and do the weed whacking, which hasn't been done in a while. My sidewalks looked like jungle grass growing in the cracks and up over the edging. The yard, although mowed recently, was starting to look real poorly. Out I go, into the garage, fire up the weed whacker and begin my kind deed of the day. Weed whacking. Not so much. Oh my goodness not so much.

First of all, I DESPISE RESTRINGING A WEED WHACKER. There is no easy way to do it, and if you are sitting there thinking that all you do is wrap the string, you are WRONG. There is an art to it I have yet to master. For some reason, I string the sucker and every time it needs to be let out, I have to open the darn compartment and let it out manually. WRONG. My fingers now look like I am turning into Shrek (and I say SHREK because I am feeling ogre-like right now....not all Kermit the Frog sweet green.) I've got dirt and grass remnants on my clothes and I am feeling mighty stressed. After the last bout of opening the compartment, trying to let out string only to have it completely unravel on me, the weed whacker ended up on the ground (and then back on the hook), the string and compartment pieces on the work bench, and I stormed into the house.  Yes, folks, that is what my Sunday morning looked like.

Funny, too, because the only song that has been on repeat in my head is a country song. Lee Brice sings a song Hard to Love. In this song, there is a line that goes something like this: "she's like a Sunday morning, full of grace, full of Jesus."  Well let me tell you, I fit part of this line to a living T this morning: It certainly is Sunday morning and was completely full of Jesus, swearing like a sailor at my LACK of grace when it comes to weed whacking. My poor husband came out to start mowing the grass and it was like he was entering a war zone. Poor guy got it with both barrels blazing. At this particular moment, I am very hard to love, Hard. To. Love.

But then again, aren't we all. Really. We are not easy people to love every single day of our lives. The only exception to this might just be my husband. It is VERY easy to love him. He is patient, kind, always calm, always in tune to my wants and needs, never gives me reason to be mad. HE is easy to love. ME? No way. I know I am hard to love at times. The lyrics to Hard to Love resonate with me on many levels. Never heard the song? Don't know the lyrics? Here, read them....it is a pretty clear picture of me, especially right at this moment:

Hard to Love

I am insensitive, I have a tendency

To pay more attention to the things that I need.

Sometimes I drink too much, sometimes I test your trust,

Sometimes I don't know why you stay with me.

I'm hard to love, hard to love,

No, I don't make it easy,

I couldn't do it if I stood where you stood.

I'm hard to love, hard to love,

You say that you need me,

I don't deserve it but I love that you love me, good.

I am a short fuse, I am a wrecking ball

Crashing into your heart like I do

You're like a Sunday morning, full of grace and full of Jesus

I wish that I could be more like you.

I'm hard to love, hard to love,

No, I don't make it easy,

I couldn't do it if I stood where you stood,

I'm hard to love, hard to love,

You say that you need me,

I don't deserve it but I love that you love me, good.

Love me, good.

Girl, you've given me a million second chances

And I don't ever wanna take you for granted,

I'm just a man, I'm just a man

Hard to love, hard to love,

Oh, I don't make it easy

And I couldn't do it if I stood where you stood.

I'm hard to love, hard to love

And you say that you need me,

I don't deserve it but I love that you love me, good,

You love me, good.

You love me, good.

Yup, for the most part this is me (even though it is from a guy's perspective and I do not test my husband's trust......not at all. Love him more than anything!). I am hard to love and sometimes I don't make it easy. There are many times I think that if I was in my husband's shoes, I'm not sure I could love me like he does. Many times I don't feel like I deserve his love, but he loves me good! And for that I am thankful!

I guess in the long and short of things, I have come to realize that none of us is perfect, none of us have always positive, always perfect days. We have our own little demons we wrestle with (even if they come in the form of the weed whacker.....It's a WEED HACKER, VERN!) and despite all our flaws, there is one person who loves us unconditionally, every single day. Our Lord and Savior.

On this Sunday morning, perhaps I needed that reminder. And I guess I am thankful it came in the form of a weed hacker.