Be comfortable with who you are.....

There is nothing more powerful than being comfortable in your own skin. Being who you are and accepting it. Being happy with what you've been given. Easier said than done, huh?

After a spectacular day yesterday, I watched the local news and saw myself. EEEEEEEK. Instant self awareness took place and I realized I look like holy crap again. I seriously put on so much weight that I so proudly took off nearly three years ago. Here we go again. Nothing in the closet fits, I feel like I'm stuffing 10 pounds of sausage into a 5 pound casing every time I get dressed anymore but seeing it on the television. Oh my!

My night was cut very short. Pretty sure I was in bed and wallowing in self pity at around 7:30pm. I missed Criminal Minds. I missed some texts from my daughter (and my husband, too). I tried to hide myself away from a world that wasn't even looking. Silly me.

Being comfortably with who you are is tough in our society. All around us are images of slender people. Well toned people. Even the styles of clothing these days are driven for the skinny person. As I sit here writing, I am trying to reflect on my weight loss journey. Sure I felt real good being thinner. I enjoyed that, but for who? I've always felt like I was never good enough for anyone. I was in a relationship where I had to weigh under a certain weight, look a certain way, be toned and muscular because I wasn't good enough to be seen with if I wasn't. I learned it didn't matter. It wasn't love and no matter how I looked, I'd never be quite right. That's a hard pill to swallow. It creates a lifetime of insecurities, no matter who comes along to love you after that.

Right at this moment, I feel very poorly about myself. I'm angry that I let myself go again. I'm frustrated that my willpower seems to have walked away (probably with the healthy foods I used to eat). I'm not 100% happy with myself at the moment. But the truth of the matter is, I realize it. I know I will get to a comfortable spot again. I know I am loved for more than what my jeans size is. I'm happy in life and that counts for a lot. People often think that just because you aren't happy with yourself at the moment, you can't possibly be happy in life. I disagree.

I'm happily married to an amazing man, I have two very awesome daughters, and I have a job I do enjoy going to far more often than not! I'm happy in life, just not happy with myself right now. But it will change. That much I can assure you!

There is nothing more powerful than being comfortably in your own skin. I plan to get that power back....watch me!

Until tomorrow, my friends....

Think Thankfully!!!

Promises, goals, and THINK THANKFULLY!

In 53 days I will be back in my favorite city in the world....New Orleans!!! From the moment I drove through the French Quarter en route to the hotel on my first trip there, I was hooked. For some reason, the city calls to me. For some reason, I feel as though I belong there. For some reason, I long for it. So, in helping to pass the days away until I am reunited with my city, I decided to set my first 'goal' of the new year for March 1. That gives me 52 days to reach it. 52 days of eating right, exercising, and reaching the goal I placed before myself!!! It is hard to do things for myself when I have a daughter who is active in so much and still requires rides to and from events/pratices/etc but make no mistake about it, I WILL MAKE IT HAPPEN! I may not be able to attend classes, but I can push myself to be more active right here at home!

In order to live thankfully and be happy, it has to start from within and lately I just wasn't feeling it. I do believe that is because I kinda let myself slip for a bit. I put some weight back on because I started indulging myself with foods I had long since given up and because we love our local hang out, I had been imbibing more than I should have been. Since I knew last week would be crazy, I decided to start shifting my habits again as of yesterday. I am back to logging my calorie intake, guzzling my lemon water, and my ultimate promise to myself was to either walk OR elliptical each day for at least 30 minutes. I purchased a new FitBit tracker (since my old one was never replaced by the company due to a malfunction) and am shooting for 10,000 steps a day. Today, being the first day back at school (although it is a delay day), I am curious to see how many steps I put on in a day just in school alone!! I am already excited!!!  I even packed my own lunch today.....I'm starting off the year THAT committed!!

Sometimes when life batters us down, as it almost always will, it is nice to know that YOU and only YOU have the power to swing back and hit the blues right out of the park!!! Think Thankfully, Be Positive!!!

Until tomorrow, my friends....

Help, I've fallen and I wanna get back up!

Healthy breakfast! I love when I go grocery shopping and get all this good healthy food to eat. I got up this morning, made some Special K Nourish Hot Cereal (maple and brown sugar crunch.....yum!), ate a banana, and had a large coffee with stevia extract and 2% milk (total breakfast calories = 310, which isn't bad because I don't eat much lunch)! Yeah! Seems as though the health kick is on again! Why? Well, I kind of let myself to a little bit. I lost a ton of weight and then I sort of stopped caring a little bit. I know I am still in the healthy weight range (just the very upper end of that range) but I am not feeling 100% as confident as I was a few months ago!

Right now, I would love to be able to lose about 20 pounds. That would put me at the lowest I've been since my quest to lose weight two years ago. Believe me, I am NOT sitting here feeling like if I don't lose the weight I'm doomed. Nope. I am relatively content with where I am, although I prefer to be a bit thinner, just because. Clothing fits better, my energy level is a bit higher, and I carry myself differently. Let's hope this kick remains in place!

As I sit here, sipping my coffee, figuring out how to get some sort of exercise into my day today, I am hoping that with the idea of Thinking Thankfully, I will be able to get back on track with a few things I left go by the wayside. Starting up with Zumba classes has helped a bit in the exercise category, now to add a few more things in between dance sessions. Walking, elliptical, workout tapes (because Lord knows I own the gamete of them)......anything.

Today, as I start my day, ready to go start setting up my new classroom, I am using today as a starting point to turn my bad habits around. Get back on track again. Just like everyone now and again, I've slipped. The good news is, I haven't beat myself up over it! I am challenging myself to be the person I know I enjoy being!

And now, I'm off to get working on my new classroom!! Make it a great day everyone and remember, don't let your little slip ups ruin your day! Just try again a little later! No use crying over spilled milk!