College already? It can't possibly be that time!

As I sit here in the quiet of the morning, listening to the birds chirping outside, I can't help but start to get a bit weepy at the prospect of what will be happening in my life in just a little over 30 days. College. The big move in day.


I remember, well, the day my Babygirl was born. I remember her first days of pre-school, elementary school, junior high school, and high school. When did the time slip so far from my grasp? It seems like it was just yesterday we were stressing over high school sports and classes and now....I seem to be the only one stressing over what comes next.


Babygirl, as you head off to college, I want you to remember some important things......


1. This is NOT high school.  This is not a free education. Ultimately, there is a hefty price to pay to attend college. No one will be making sure you are up for your classes (unless you have an awesome roommate!), making sure you are studying enough, making sure projects and presentations are done, it is all up to you now. YOU are expected to take responsibility for what you do and don't do and in the end, are responsible for the consequences of your choices.


2. Put yourself out there. While I know you have your goals and priorities all well established, please remember that you CAN get involved. Get to know people. Not everyone is like your high school classmates. People CHOOSE college and so they want to be there, too. Join those clubs that may sound corny, pledge a sorority, take a class just for the fun of it, challenge yourself to try new things! True college life will happen outside room 213!!!


3. Organization will be key to your success. Keep a planner or a detailed calendar of classes and due dates!!! Make sure as you organize your time, you leave room for the fun stuff. Schedule library time, where it is just you and the books! Become good at list making. Prioritize assignments and activities. I won't be there to give you the reminders I always did (even though you were well ahead of schedule in most of your due dates!). Take advantage of all the things that college has to offer.


4. Don't compare yourself to anyone else.  I know throughout your school years, you've often been in your sister's shadow, feeling like people would tell you what she did or didn't do. As you enter college, remember YOU are YOU. Don't compare yourself to anyone. Stay true to YOU. Your way of studying may be way different than your roommate and that is OK! She may be better at one class than you are and that is OK! When you graduate, YOUR name is on that diploma! Work hard to make YOU proud of YOU, because I already am!!


5. Please make an effort to keep in touch. Believe it or not (and I know you will believe this), you being away at college will be harder on me than it will be on you. Oh I know you may get homesick and want to come home (maybe....maybe not), but being here in this house without you day in and day out will be the toughest experience of my life. Not having you to talk to at the end of the day will most certainly break me a bit. You were my rock when your sister went away to college, making that transition a bit easier for me. This time it is just me. PLEASE make an effort to keep in touch. I will do my best to not be calling you every day, no matter how strong the urge, but it won't mean I don't want to talk to you! Phone calls, FaceTime, emails, SnapChats! I'm up for it all.


This will be a getting used to for all of us. Me, You, Bill, Grandma, Pappy. All of us will go through this weird stage for a little while. As you prepare for college, please remember that "My wish, for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it to, Your dreams stay big, your worries stay small, You never need to carry more than you can hold, And while you're out there getting where you're getting to, I hope you know somebody loves you, and wants the same things too, Yeah, this, is my wish."


Best of luck, my Babygirl. I love you more than words could ever express. Rock on.


Until next time......

Positive thinking evokes more energy, more initiative, and more happiness!

My morning was disappointing in that I had hoped to get some answers to some health related issues that have cropped up in my life. It is because of mornings like this particular morning that I do not go to the doctor when I feel ‘some sort of way’. I know some people who are constant complainers of every single ache and pain they feel in their bodies. They run to the doctor, then complain when the doctor can’t identify the source of the pain. I don’t want to be that person, however, today, I certainly felt like I walked a mile in those shoes. I’ve got discomfort, sensitivity, and at least once a day, pain. Uncomfortable pain. After dealing with this for nearly three months, I decided to go to the doctor for the issue. After being examined, nothing definitive was decided. While it wasn’t exactly bad news, in my world, it was devastating. I sat, partially undressed (under the examination gown I was given) and listened to a doctor tell me that he wasn’t sure what the source of my pain was. Insecurities crept in, and I immediately began to think, ‘this man doesn’t believe my pain.’ My mother was along for this visit, and while I know she received a feeling of relief, I felt like my whole reason for not ever going to a doctor was completely validated.

I have no validation for my visit to the dr today. I am having testing done. I have a return visit scheduled (in three months – unless results of tests prove otherwise). And I still have pain and discomfort. Normally speaking, I would not be writing a post like this. I try to keep things positive, but in this instance, I definitely feel like it shows my human side. It shows that I, too, feel defeated at times. This being one of them.

If you know me, you know I am not one to complain. I don’t post all my aches and pains for the world to see (and trust me, there are many aches and pains I feel). I don’t utilize the book of Faces to generate pity or to garner comments galore upon my page. But today, well, today, I am feeling a bit defeated. I want to know why I am experiencing pain. I want to know why I feel discomfort. I want to know it isn’t in my head. I want to feel validated.

Today, I didn’t necessarily get the answers I wanted, but the positive side of it is, I didn’t necessarily get the answers I didn’t want. I learned I must take better care of myself. I can’t possibly take care of those around me if I, myself, am ill. So, I will keep the faith and I will wait, patiently, for results……..and accept any positive thoughts that can be sent my way! Positive thinking evokes more energy, more initiative, and definitely more happiness! And I prefer the happiness!!!

Think Thankfully!!!!

Take charge of YOUR life!

Dear Readers, 

It’s time to embrace the moment and start writing again! I love when the urge to write is bigger than the urge to do anything else at the moment! I sit here in the (somewhat) solitude (Criminal Minds reruns are on the TV providing background noise for me) and so many things swirl around inside my head. I’m a major mish-mash of feelings at this moment, which makes writing a bit tougher than usual, but I forge on, deciding to put onto paper what I’ve got inside my head. Sometimes it helps to battle the blues when I’ve got a keyboard at my fingertips!

I guess you could say I’ve struggled with a form of depression for a little while. I’ve done a very good job of overcoming it, fighting it off by exploring this Think Thankfully journey for the past three and a half years, but it’s always there, in the far reaching bowels of my soul. I can easily slide into feelings of inadequacy, loss, betrayal, fear, and frustration. I think we all can at some point in our lives. When I am at this point in my life, I tend to bottle up my true feelings and I put on the happy face, making it seem like nothing in the world is bothering me. It is at these moments that I feel completely stuck. Like my wheels are turning but I’m going nowhere. Fast. I dream big, but I feel as though I fail at working on reality.

We allow ourselves to believe that we can’t move forward. We can’t get past the rut we are stuck in. But you know what, let me let you in on a little fact of the matter. The truth is (and you KNOW how I feel about the truth!), YOU have the power to move forward no matter what roadblocks you encounter on your journey. YOU have the power to live up to your highest expectation of how amazingly awesome your life can be. YOU have the power to follow through and make significant strides towards your biggest goals, no matter what those goals may be. YOU have all this power because YOU hold in your hand, a CHOICE. In each moment, YOU can choose what you think, what you do, and who you want to be. YOU CHOOSE!

Stop allowing your feelings of inadequacy, loss, betrayal, fear, and frustration control YOU. They are only feelings. They are NOT the fact of your life. Feelings are controlled by YOU. Make the choice to think positively. Be strong and courageous in your daily happenings. Leave no room for inferior feelings. I know it is easier said than done, but believe me, taking baby steps along the way eventually will lead to one HUGE leap, one in which you leave the negativity behind you and start seeing only the positives!!!

Until tomorrow, my friends ….. Take charge of your life and make this day the best day of your life! Keep reminding yourself that you are strong enough to take whatever the next step is in taking charge of YOUR life, and that this step is the only step that matters right now!

Think Thankfully!!!

Look into my eyes, it's where my demons hide.

Lately, the song by Imagine Dragons called Demons has been on replay in my head. "Look into my eyes, it's where my demons hide."  We all have an inner demon that must be fought/battled and controlled. I’ve been battling mine off and on for quite some time. The journey I am on through Think Thankfully has helped me fight/control my inner demon, that every so often make an appearance and ALMOST sidetrack me and knock me off the path to being happier with myself.

My inner demon is the part of me that stops me from being able to accept the person I am, the person I have become, the person who is here, in the present, living what she thinks of as her best life ever! Don’t get me wrong, I am not a miserable shell of a human being, I am not depressed, I am not all about the ‘pity me’ routine that so many people get caught up in. Oh, I most certainly like myself more than not, but I constantly feel like I am not as good as I could be. I always want to be better and I try improve myself. I have a hard time acknowledging when I feel I am good at something. I simply battle the demons who creep on in and try to brainwash me into thinking I am not good enough.

This past week, my demons came pretty close to winning the battle. You see, I am married to an incredible man. He loves me despite my flaws and my constant feelings of not being good enough for him. This week, I let myself believe that because I have gained a little bit (and really, it's only a little bit) of weight back, my husband didn’t want me anymore. I felt like he was doing everything in his power to avoid me. Oh, I know, without a doubt, this is not true, but it was a horrible struggle between what my demons were whispering in my ears and trying to infiltrate in my heart and what I absolutely knew to be true. I let the busy nature of his job, the fact that he is always tinkering around and fixing things around here, and my being a tad bit under the weather be the open door for those little whispers of negativity that could have created a very bad situation for me and my husband. I made the choices in what I believed to be true and what I knew to be true. It's a tough road to be on when those little whispers seem like screams.

What I've learned on this journey to being more positive is that once we truly begin to know ourselves and accept ourselves, flaws and all, can we keep those demons far away from us. We can start to take back the power. This journey to being more thankful and more positive is a constantly evolving journey. I don’t believe I will ever reach the end of it, because each day I change. We all do. We are constantly changing people and in changing, we sometimes let our guards down. I have to be aware every day of the good in my life, the things to be grateful for.  I fight demons every day by focusing on what I do like about myself. I seize each day and the little things to be thankful for and slowly I have been gaining self-acceptance in the process. Our demons know that we are weak. We allow them the power to control us. We choose what we believe to be true versus what we know to be true. "But with the beast inside, there’s nowhere we can hide." 

Starting today, believe a little more in yourself. Concentrate on what you KNOW to be true and stop believing the whispers that try to make you feel anything less than comfortable and happy!!

Until next time, my friends....

"Demons"

When the days are cold
And the cards all fold
And the saints we see
Are all made of gold

When your dreams all fail
And the ones we hail
Are the worst of all
And the blood’s run stale

I wanna hide the truth
I wanna shelter you
But with the beast inside
There’s nowhere we can hide

No matter what we breed
We still are made of greed
This is my kingdom come
This is my kingdom come

When you feel my heat
Look into my eyes
It’s where my demons hide
It’s where my demons hide
Don’t get too close
It’s dark inside
It’s where my demons hide
It’s where my demons hide

At the curtain’s call
It's the last of all
When the lights fade out
All the sinners crawl

So they dug your grave
And the masquerade
Will come calling out
At the mess you made

Don't wanna let you down
But I am hell bound
Though this is all for you
Don't wanna hide the truth

No matter what we breed
We still are made of greed
This is my kingdom come
This is my kingdom come

When you feel my heat
Look into my eyes
It’s where my demons hide
It’s where my demons hide
Don’t get too close
It’s dark inside
It’s where my demons hide
It’s where my demons hide

They say it's what you make
I say it's up to fate
It's woven in my soul
I need to let you go

Your eyes, they shine so bright
I wanna save that light
I can't escape this now
Unless you show me how

When you feel my heat
Look into my eyes
It’s where my demons hide
It’s where my demons hide
Don’t get too close
It’s dark inside
It’s where my demons hide
It’s where my demons hide

When you feel like hope is gone...

It has been a very trying week, hence the lack of blog postings. It is hard to write positively when you don't feel so positive yourself. I thought I could conquer this feeling, but it has been festering all week until this morning.

My daughter's boyfriend sent me a SnapChat video last night. While I was already asleep when it was sent and didn't get it til this morning, once I saw it, I knew there was a reason for that happening. Now, while I am not sure he meant to send it to me, I like to think he sees my Facebook posts and is quite intuitive to what's going on in my little corner of the world here in Pennsylvania. Once I saw it was a video, I eagerly waited for it to load so I could watch. Secretly, I was hoping it was another humorous one with one of his instrument students (he's a band director/instrumental music teacher - and a darn good one, too!). Not at all. It may not have been what I was expecting, but it was just what I needed. As the video starts, it is him, lip synching to the most perfect part of Mariah Carey's song, Hero....."So when you feel like hope is gone, look inside you and be strong." WOW. Just what this Momma needed this morning as I enter day 4 of what could be hell on earth.

Hope. A simple 4 letter word. HOPE. Yup, count them, 4 letters long. 

HOPE (hōp) :

noun

1. a feeling of expectation and desire for a certain thing to happen.

"he looked through her belongings in the hope of coming across some information"

synonyms:          aspiration, desire, wish, expectation, ambition, aim, goal, plan, design; 

2. a person or thing that may help or save someone.

"their only hope is surgery"

3. grounds for believing that something good may happen.

"he does see some hope for the future"

synonyms:          hopefulness, optimism, expectation, expectancy; More

antonyms:          pessimism

4. a feeling of trust.

verb

1.want something to happen or be the case.

"he's hoping for an offer of compensation"

synonyms:          expect, anticipate, look for, be hopeful of, pin one's hopes on, want;

Hope. Hope is a belief that circumstances in the future will be better. It's NOT simply a wish that things will get better, but an actual belief, even when there may be no evidence that anything will change, that things will be better. Hope can encompass a wide variety of beliefs -- everything from an athlete hoping for that college scholarship to a cancer patient hoping for a cure. Hope is the word we hear over anything. 

Believe it or not, hope wasn’t always considered a good thing. Back in earlier times, poets and writers dismissed the concept of hope as a cruel joke of higher beings. To them, it was an illusion that lured gullible, dimwitted people to believe in a better future, only to let them down in the end. To them, and they wrote about it, hope was just another word for disappointment, being let down, a falsity of man.

To a sailor lost at sea, a small blip of light in the distance is hope of soon being back on solid ground. To the woman longing for a child, hope is the news that she is finally pregnant. To the serviceman or woman, hope is word that they are finally coming home from a years long deployment. And to me, hope is that reminder to look inside myself for the strength I need to get through whatever it is I am facing in these last days of the school year.

It hasn't been easy these past few days and at one point, I truly gave up hope. I gave up feeling as if anything good would happen for me. Not anymore, thanks to my daughter's boyfriend. I am facing today and each of the remaining 45 days with all the hope in the world that I WILL make it through this school year, I WILL be the best I can be, and I WILL call this year a success. Hope rests inside me. Who is anyone else to take that hope away from me. Hope is NOT a disappointment, it is the fire that drives me to keep pushing forward when everything else is pushing against me. Hope is the reminder to look inside myself and be strong. I am the hero of my own life!

Until tomorrow, my friends.....

Think Thankfully!

....some days are like this, even in Australia

There will be days when you feel like the world is crumbling beneath your feet, as if every good thing you have ever done has been trumped by something or someone else. There will be days when you wonder if you can keep going along this path, like you continue to take every wrong turn along the way. There will be days that test your patience and build your character, days that you simply do whatever it takes to make it through without hurting someone or saying something you will end up regretting. There will be days when you just want to put your head down and cry. There will be days when you really want to quit, when you just can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel. Today is one of those days for me.

There will be days just like these throughout your life because you’re human after all. But just remember that it’s on days like this that the true reflection of who you are shines through.  It’s on days like this that you show the world what you are made of.

To quote one of my favorite storybook characters, Alexander, “Today was a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.” My strength, patience, and fortitude have been tested to their outermost limits today. Today has been one of those days that has me questioning everything about my life as I know it, with the exception of my relationships. I’m feeling pretty solid about those, and it feels good to come home from a day like this to a loving husband, who allows me to vent! God Bless him. 

As my own terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day progressed on, I received a message on the great book of Faces from a friend who needed some ‘positive’ advice. It killed me. At that moment in time, I seriously wanted to say…..’ASK SOMEONE ELSE, MY LIFE SUCKS RIGHT NOW’, but I did not. I knew I was needed. I knew THIS is why I created Think Thankfully. This is one of my gifts to the world and there was no way I was letting her down. I told her I’d message her back when I got home and had a clearer head. And then it struck me…..

Sometimes it pays to actually take your own advice.  Although to be honest, today will probably not go into the archives of my life as the absolutely worst day of my life, on a professional level it ranks very high on the list.  While many tell me to take all the stuff being placed before me as an indication of how wonderful my classroom is run, that does not help me…..the perfectionist, the teacher with the high standards not just for her students but for herself, the one who feels that no matter how good I am, I’ll always be dumped on and no one listens. Yes, I’m venting. Yes, this is my outlet. Do I love my job….yes, but I don’t love the sincere tests of my ability that I have been up against lately. Today, I’m feeling as though my best will always get me more frustrations.

I came home today completely stressed with my blood pressure beginning to skyrocket, tears welling in my eyes, my voice reaching abnormal altitudes when talking, and I immediately hit the Cool Ranch Doritos (in case you missed it, I’m a serious stress eater). As I sat here, breaking out the Microsoft Word to write my frustrations away, it occurred to me that I’d be giving people some sort of advice with this blog. But what advice would I be giving when the world seems to be walking all over you? What could I possibly say to anyone to make a terrible day seem not so terrible? How do I seriously handle situations (or days) like this? Well, here’s what we do:

We faced the trouble head on.  When those worst of days come rushing at us like an out of control freight train, it never does any good to try to live in denial of what is happening.  At best, it will just prolong the agony.  So what do we do? We face it.  It is there.  We cannot deny it or ignore it. For me, I cannot change the events that are happening. I’ve got absolutely NO CONTROL over the end result, but I do have control over what happens after and that might be ok for me. Rather that wallow in self-pity and stress, I will face what comes along. Perhaps I can be like Superman and just stretch out my arms and stop it all, but that’s highly unlikely, so face it I will!

We control what we can in the situation and let the rest of the chips fall where they may. When we face what we feel might just be the worst day of our life, either we should take control of what we can or we just accept that there is nothing we can really do.  

From time to time, our days will be filled with complete and utter chaos and frustration. There will be days when we want to pack it in, quit, walk away. There will be times when we cannot control what is happening, but rather we must deal with the hand that’s dealt us. Face those difficulties head on. Control what you can. And in the end, realize….’Mom says there are days like this, even in Australia.’

Until tomorrow, my friends….

Think Thankfully!!!!

Mirror Mirror on the Wall.....

This is an image I absolutely LOVE. It says so much to us about how we view ourselves. Too many times, our insecurities, depression, poor self-image, among a whole host of other negative feelings, begin to take over and we start to fall deep into a dark, dark hole. We allow ourselves to think we are not worthy of greatness. We see ourselves as timid kittens rather than big game cats! It is ALL in how we view ourselves!

Take a look at the image above. How many times have you looked in a mirror and seen that 'larger than life' image of yourself? How many times have you looked into the mirror and truly LOVED the person you see looking back? I'd be willing to bet that it doesn't happen too often. I know for me, it rarely does. I often see what my head has tricked me to believe. It doesn't matter how many times my husband tells me I'm beautiful, fantastic, gorgeous.....I don't see that. I know I suffer from low self-esteem, but I'm trying to see myself better, like the big, fierce tiger....I'm working on it!

In plain and simple words, self-esteem refers to your opinion of self. High self-esteem means you hold yourself in high regard, whereas low self-esteem means you do not have a good opinion about yourself and can end up causing depression, anxiety, and issues with self-worth. Self-esteem refers to how much you value yourself and how important YOU think YOU are. It isn’t about what others may think of you, but rather self-esteem is a measure of how you see yourself and how you feel about your life and your achievements.

Self-esteem is not about bragging about yourself, it’s actually knowing within yourself, that you are worthy of the best, that you DESERVE the best. It is about loving and accepting yourself just the way you are – not about thinking you are perfect (let's face it...nobody is). It’s about looking into that mirror and seeing a big ol’ tiger rather than a little bity housecat! It’s about LOVING YOURSELF first!

Until tomorrow.....

Think Thankfully!!!

Thoughts on an arrow.....

Recently, a very good friend of mine (in fact, I consider her a sista from another missus and mista) celebrated a birthday. She spent the day with her very best friend, doing all kinds of best friend stuff. Before calling it a day and returning to her ‘stomping ground’ (which is in fact the amazing tavern, Lizard Creek Tavern, that she is the general manager of), she and her friend got tattoos. Each of them got the same tattoo that symbolizes their friendship. And then, my dear friend took hers one step farther. She had a single arrow tattooed between the middle and top knuckle of her left ring finger. I found that to be a bit odd until she said something to this effect, “An arrow can only be shot by pulling it backward. When life is dragging you back with difficulties, it means it’s going to launch you into something great. So just focus, and keep aiming.” (mind you, that is not HER quote, but a quote she used) She finished off the explanation by saying, “I’m shooting forward, baby.”

That seriously got me thinking. In fact, I have not stopped thinking about what it means and how important the message is since seeing it last Friday night. It truly made me step back and think about the obstacles that I have faced throughout my life and the obstacles I continue to face each and every day. I’ve struggled with being an outcast in middle school, becoming a teenaged mom in high school, college life, grad school, work, death of loved ones, the critic within myself and all the insecurities that come along with being better than Siskle and Ebert. And then I couldn't stop thinking of where I am today. Where my arrow launched me to and where I can still be launched towards. I couldn't believe how accurate and true that quote really was and what a great reminder it could be for anyone. When you set goals for yourself and then keep in mind what all the obstacles, the struggles, and the heartache that will occur will eventually lead to, the only way to go is forward into greatness.

I encourage anyone who is holding back because of fear, lack of money, or a busy work schedule: Make time for the things you have wanted to do or have been afraid to do. Once you make it through all those pesky obstacles that life always manages to present, you are truly launched towards something great! Complete awesomeness is always waiting at the end. Like the arrow, you will be pulled back, but always remember that you are then launched forward and the distance you go is entirely up to you!

Until tomorrow, my friends……

Think Thankfully!!!

Fear Not!!

Once again, I am reminded just how well The Lord knows me! My devotionals for today were, once again, spot on for how I felt as the day came to a close yesterday. To put it simply...yesterday wasn't a great day. It wasn't horrible, but it wasn't great. I wouldn't even say it was mediocre, but on the verge of being one of those terrible no good very bad days. But, some days are like that!

As I opened up the Beth Moore Breaking Free Day by Day devotional today, my heart skipped a beat! "I, The Lord your God, hold your right hand and say to you, "Do not fear, I will help you."  Isaiah 41:13. Scared to death I was yesterday. And I am reminded it is ok to feel that way. He understands that it is ok to be fearful, brought to tears, frustrated, insecure. But in the end, it is always His will be done. I cannot believe how immense my feelings can be since I started really digging deeper into my faith. I contemplated the devotional for awhile and then I opened devotional number 2: Beth Moore Believing God Day by Day. Whether well-fed or hungry, whether in abundance or in need....I am able to do all things through Christ which strengthens me." Philippians 4:12-13. WOW!  And yes I can.

I have never been so thankful for my faith before. I have never felt so filled with Christ. I am thankful for the lessons I've been taught. Thankful that my journey has brought me back to a place of peace within myself. Whatever the harrowing path that is before me, I have no fear. I know I can do whatever is needed, face whatever needs facing, because I do not walk along.

Until tomorrow, my friends.....fear not! You are never alone!

Think Thankfully!!!

So why should I worry? Why worry at all? (because I'm a mom, that's why!)

I had a very scary moment as a mom last night. At around 9:00pm, my daughter calls me from Washington DC. Now that, in itself, is not scary. She usually gives me a call at strange times, just to say hello, to let me know how her classes went, to vent about a stressful situation she may be in at work, but NEVER, NEVER in a million years did I expect to hear what I did last night.......

"Hello?"

"Mom? Are you sleeping?"

"No, my throat just hurts."

"Oh, well, I am just calling to let you know, in case you hear this on social media, there is a gunman on campus and it is in lockdown. But don't worry, I'm in my apartment and I'm ok."

Don't worry? You lost me at gunman....you lost me at gunman. Well, guess what, that little piece of advice went right out the window when I heard the word gunman. Stuff like that happens in other places to other families. Gunman on campus. That doesn't happen to those I love. While she remained calm and tells me, "Don't worry", I am a mom, we are prone to that. Especially when our children are hundreds of miles away at school. Heck, I worry when I drop my youngest daughter off at the high school each morning. And in light of the year anniversary of the school massacre at Sandy Hook, the phone call last night, rocked me to my core. When my oldest decided to go to North Carolina to college, it was a worrisome time for me. I feared those phone calls. I watched the news feverishly. I cringed when I heard of a college campus shooting. And when she traveled the friendly skies to all sorts of great places, I worried. I worried from the time she left until the time she was back home. I guess I am a worrier by nature. Don't worry? Ha!

I immediately took to the social media outlets, following the story closely. I did heave a huge sigh of relief when I knew the lockdown was lifted and the 'suspect' was in custody. But I could not stop thinking about the what if's. So close to Christmas and my mind instantly flooded with the heartache and pain that the families of Sandy Hook must have gone through last year. In the blink of a couple eyes, I began to think of all the things my daughter has done in her life, and all she has yet to do. It scared me to think how quickly she could have been a name on a news outlet. I think my youngest daughter said it best when she took to her own social media last night, tweeting: It's scary when something you never thought would happen to someone so close to you actually happens. Yes, babygirl, it sure is.

I apologize for this blog not being very Christmas related today. It is the first day in a long time that I don't feel too moved by the Christmast Spirit. Please do not misunderstand my posting today. I am super thankful that my daughter and everyone else on the campus of American University are safe. I am thankful the school took the precautions it did to ensure the safety of the students. I am exceptionally thankful that the incident turned out to be nothing (or so the media outlets reported). And I am over the top excited that I will still have Sunday to spend with my girls, the oldest's boyfriend, and the rest of my family at the sweetest place on Earth. I am thankful that come Christmas morning, I can celebrate with BOTH my girls.

Until tomorrow, my friends.....don't wait to tell someone how you feel, don't put off hugging you children each day (if you can), and don't ever let an opportunity slip by you without telling your children how loved they are. I know mine will get extra tight hugs on Sunday.

Think Thankfully!!!

Help, I've fallen and I wanna get back up!

Healthy breakfast! I love when I go grocery shopping and get all this good healthy food to eat. I got up this morning, made some Special K Nourish Hot Cereal (maple and brown sugar crunch.....yum!), ate a banana, and had a large coffee with stevia extract and 2% milk (total breakfast calories = 310, which isn't bad because I don't eat much lunch)! Yeah! Seems as though the health kick is on again! Why? Well, I kind of let myself to a little bit. I lost a ton of weight and then I sort of stopped caring a little bit. I know I am still in the healthy weight range (just the very upper end of that range) but I am not feeling 100% as confident as I was a few months ago!

Right now, I would love to be able to lose about 20 pounds. That would put me at the lowest I've been since my quest to lose weight two years ago. Believe me, I am NOT sitting here feeling like if I don't lose the weight I'm doomed. Nope. I am relatively content with where I am, although I prefer to be a bit thinner, just because. Clothing fits better, my energy level is a bit higher, and I carry myself differently. Let's hope this kick remains in place!

As I sit here, sipping my coffee, figuring out how to get some sort of exercise into my day today, I am hoping that with the idea of Thinking Thankfully, I will be able to get back on track with a few things I left go by the wayside. Starting up with Zumba classes has helped a bit in the exercise category, now to add a few more things in between dance sessions. Walking, elliptical, workout tapes (because Lord knows I own the gamete of them)......anything.

Today, as I start my day, ready to go start setting up my new classroom, I am using today as a starting point to turn my bad habits around. Get back on track again. Just like everyone now and again, I've slipped. The good news is, I haven't beat myself up over it! I am challenging myself to be the person I know I enjoy being!

And now, I'm off to get working on my new classroom!! Make it a great day everyone and remember, don't let your little slip ups ruin your day! Just try again a little later! No use crying over spilled milk!

Fear? Ha! I laugh in the face of fear! (not really....)

Fear. As the summer is starting to slowly wind down, that little rascal known as fear is slowly starting to creep inside my head and make me feel a bit uneasy about the upcoming school year. Considering the teaching environments I have been in over the past 17 years of my professional career, you would think I would be perfectly OK with the changes taking place. Not so much. I am nervous. I am scared. I am filled with fear.

I started doing the Confident Woman Devotional, because I felt I needed a bit of a boost right now. I have a huge test on Monday to add an area of certification to my teaching credentials, one I am totally worried beyond belief about. The changes for the school year have me completely cowering at the start of my 18th year of teaching and I felt I needed SOMETHING, anything to help me boost my confidence. I find I often turn to my YouVersion Bible app when I need something to help me along. Today's devotional dealt with fear. How fitting.

Just because ordinary people take steps to accomplish extraordinary things does not mean that they do not feel fear. I was reminded today that the Universe has a reason for placing me at a new school with a new bunch of children to reach out to. That there is something greater than I realize that is putting me at this new placement. I have to believe that is true. I have to believe that this is a step in a direction that can only lead to bigger and better things in my professional life. 

Fear does not mean you are a coward. It only means that you need to be willing to feel the fear and do what you need to do anyway. I know what needs to be done and I will do it. I use the examples of many people before me, who faced their fears, did what they needed to do, and accomplished something bigger than they could ever imagine. I think it is safe to say my fear isn't in being placed in a dangerous situation, in fact, quite the opposite is occurring this school year. The fear I feel is more of the fear of failure. For the past 17 years, without tooting my own horn, I knew I was good at what I was doing. I was reaching kids that most people can't. I was making a difference in the lives of students who really needed my presence in their lives. When they came to my Reading Class, I knew they were ready to learn, despite all the odds against them. That was what I knew. That was what I was good at. This year, it is like starting over, and I am afraid to fail.

I have been looking at the pros and cons to this change. The pros outweigh the cons by a long shot and so I have to go with that. While the fear grips me, I remain thankful that I have a job, thankful that I am good at my job, and thankful that I believe in myself even when the fear of failure creeps in and causes some self doubt. 

Until next time, my friends....step outside your comfort zone and don't let fear cripple you. Acknowledge it, accept it, act, and achieve!!! Success is there for the taking if we take the first steps towards achieving it! Release your fears, as I release mine!!!