Let your faith be bigger than your fears

It is 1:00 in the morning. I should be sound asleep, dreaming of some far away place where the sun shines, colorful flowers bloom, the ocean waves crash upon the shoreline, and I have a drink in my hand. Nope. Not tonight.

Tonight, or should I say this morning, my thoughts are consumed with questions. What's Gus going to do all day while we are at the surgery center? How do they get me onto my stomach on the operating table to do what they have to do to my back? Will they be looking at my ass at all? (Lord, I hope not!) What is sleeping going to be like tomorrow night? Will I be in pain? Will I finally have NO ache in my leg? Will I feel my toes again? How many puppies can a female dog have at one time? How do they scrape roadkill off the road? How high can I count? Wait, SURGERY TOMORROW? Am I strong enough to go through this? Is my faith truly bigger than my fear? 

It's no secret that my faith has been tested in recent years. It has taken me 9 years to really get back to going to church again after losing my grandmother. Whenever I hear the word faith, I think of a quote from one of my favorite 'old time' Disney movies, The Rescuers. It comes as a scene between Rufus (the orphanage cat) and Penny.

Rufus the Cat: Faith is a blue bird, we see from far. It's for real and as sure as the first evening star, you can't touch it or buy it or wrap it up tight but it's there just the same, making things turn out right.

Penny: Can't touch it or buy it or wrap it up tight but it's there just the same making things turn out right.

So, I have to be at the surgery center at 5:30. In just a few short hours from now. I should be sleeping, but nerves have the best of me right now. It seems pointless to even try to sleep at this point, knowing my alarm will be going off at 4:00, we will be picking up my mom at 4:30 and heading towards the one place that is going to 'fix me'. Faith. Faith in modern medicine. Faith in my surgeon. Faith in God, the Father and Jesus, the Divine Healer. Faith. It's there just the same, making things turn out right.

Fixing me. I've been on this never-ending roller coaster since October 14, when I took a nasty fall off a curb, twisting my left ankle (that it ballooned up in an instant), screwing up my right knee, and ultimately rupturing a disc in my lower back (L5-S1 to be exact). It wasn't until January 5 that my ruptured disc turned into a sequestered disc, leaving a 17x18x8 piece fragment in my thecal sac, impinging the S1 and S2 nerve root to my left leg. I have NEVER felt pain like that before in my life and I have a HIGH tolerance for pain. Everything I had ever heard about sciatica pain....this was it. I was sure of it (because WebMD told me so). It was pain of immeasurable strength, and being a person with an extremely high tolerance for pain, it was way too much for me to handle. Two and a half grueling months of seeing a chiropractor three times a week with no results brings me to the current situation.....not sciatica pain, but sequestered disc pain and ultimately.....surgery day. Here's where that faith comes in again. As I sit here with all my bundles of nerves building up, I am also leaning on my renewed faith to help me through this. 

I believe things happen for a reason. I believe my knee surgery fell through because THIS was a greater need. I believe I was brought back to the church because He knew I needed to hear HIS messages, through hymns and sermons, to fully believe in MY faith. I believe I will be ok. It was my mantra as I walked out of work yesterday afternoon. "I will be ok. I will be ok. I will be ok."

And I truly believe I will be. I will be ok. Not to say I am not scared out of my mind, but I believe I will be ok. And I'm sure Gus will be ok while we are at the surgery center (my dad already said he'd take care of my little guy). And I'm sure they won't be looking at my ass (orrrrrrrrrr maybe they will, who knows). And I'm still unsure of how they get me on my stomach to operate on my back (but that's ok). And I'm sure I will be uncomfortable after surgery, but I'm also pretty confident I will get feeling back in my leg and toes (ok, I am HIGHLY confident of that). And I guess I will find out what sleeping is going to feel like with a 2-3" incision somewhere on my lower back (but hey! after not sleeping tonight, I might not even care, right?). And I really don't care about how many puppies a female dog can have (because all that matters is that they HAVE puppies, right?). And I SERIOUSLY don't care about roadkill (but thanks to FaceBook for showing me a picture of an opossum and making me wonder these crazy things). And lastly, I know my faith is bigger than my fears (and Jesus loves me, this I know, because my grandma told me so). 

Until tomorrow, my friends .... “Catch ya all on the flipside. If you can’t be good, be good at it. 😊 ~Rick Greenwood, 1969-2011

Live your dream, Babygirl

Well, today is the day I've been dreading since May 25. Today, we make the 4 1/2 hour trek across the great state of PA to prepare for college move-in day tomorrow. On May 25, this day seemed like a long way off, a whole summer's worth of time to enjoy together. Now, here we are. August 24 and I am not ready. I know I have to be, but I'm not. I'm definitely putting on my Mama Bear Britches and wearing the stiff upper lip, but deep down I feel a bit sullen.

When my oldest went to college 9 hours and 4 states away, I wasn't sure I could handle that at all. She had been such a major part of my life for 18 years and I wasn't sure I knew how to go on being a mom to someone who was so far away. I needed to feel needed by her. Luckily, she did need me as the many phone calls proved. Luckily, I had my Babygirl (who was 7 years younger than her sister) to help ease the loneliness of having my Firstborn so far away.

Those years that my oldest spent in college and then grad school, gaining more and more independence, helped create an even closer relationship with my youngest. Truth be told, she became my best friend. I could still be Mom....strict and rule setting, but I would much rather have gone shopping, to the movies, to football games, etc with her than with anyone else. 9 years of being together and having so much fun.......

Today, we make the 4 1/2 hour trek across the great state of PA to prepare for college move-in day tomorrow. I know her future is bright. I know that she will do great things, because it seems to be in my children's genes to go out and conquer the worlds in which they live. I know she will be homesick (and I'll be kid-sick, too). I know she will make new friends (but keep those old friendships) and will start to branch out into new and exciting adventures. I know that our lives will forever be changed from this day forward, but I also know that the love a mother has for her children never fades.

These will be some of the best years of your life. I know you've relied on your sister for some sage advice on the college years. Listen to her. Follow her advice. She had an amazing college experience and I want the same for you. I won't give you much advice as you prepare for this new journey, but I will give you all the love and support a mother can muster!!! I'm always a phone call/FaceTime chat away.


I am extremely proud of you! 6 years will fly by in the blink of an eye! Make the best of this time! 

My Wish - Rascal Flatts

My Wish

Rascal Flatts

I hope the days come easy and the moments pass slow,

And each road leads you where you wanna go,

And if you're faced with a choice, and you have to choose,

I hope you choose the one that means the most to you.

And if one door opens to another door closed,

I hope you keep on walkin' till you find the window,

If it's cold outside, show the world the warmth of your smile.

But more than anything, more than anything

My wish, for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it to,

Your dreams stay big, your worries stay small,

You never need to carry more than you can hold,

And while you're out there getting where you're getting to,

I hope you know somebody loves you, and wants the same things too,

Yeah, this, is my wish.

I hope you never look back, but you never forget,

All the ones who love you, in the place you live,

I hope you always forgive, and you never regret,

And you help somebody every chance you get,

Oh, you find God's grace, in every mistake,

And always give more than you take.

But more than anything, yeah, more than anything

My wish, for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it to,

Your dreams stay big, your worries stay small,

You never need to carry more than you can hold,

And while you're out there getting where you're getting to,

I hope you know somebody loves you, and wants the same things too,

Yeah, this, is my wish. Yeah, yeah.

My wish, for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it to,

Your dreams stay big, your worries stay small,

You never need to carry more than you can hold,

And while you're out there getting where you're getting to,

I hope you know somebody loves you, and wants the same things too,

Yeah, this, is my wish (my wish, for you).

This is my wish (my wish, for you)

I hope you know somebody loves you (my wish, for you).

May all your dreams stay big (my wish, for you)

Until next time.....Think Thankfully

That’s what Christmas is all about, Charlie Brown.

 

Last night, ABC had a wonderful special for the 50th Anniversary of A Charlie Brown Christmas being on TV. While some of the music I could have done without, for the most part, it was a heartwarming look into the making of the Christmas special and everyone's beloved 'gang' sharing the true meaning of Christmas.

 

 

In the opening scene, we see Charlie Brown and Linus heading to the skating pond to meet up with the gang for some winter fun. They stop at a brick wall, and the following dialogue takes place:

 

• Charlie Brown: I think there must be something wrong with me, Linus. Christmas is coming, but I'm not happy. I don't feel the way I'm supposed to feel. I just don't understand Christmas, I guess. I like getting presents and sending Christmas cards and decorating trees and all that, but I'm still not happy. I always end up feeling depressed.

• Linus: Charlie Brown, you're the only person I know who can take a wonderful season like Christmas and turn it into a problem. Maybe Lucy's right. Of all the Charlie Browns in the world, you're the Charlie Browniest.
  

I think we can all relate to Charlie Brown in the beginning of the special at some point. This year, more than any other year, I've found myself feeling quite "Charlie Browniest" when it came to preparing my home from the holiday. Don't get me wrong, I absolutely LOVE Christmas. I love everything about it. I love my home, all decorated for the season. I love my church at Christmas. I love the idea of giving to people. I love the Christmas Story as told in the gospel according to St. Luke.  I just love Christmas.


And more than all of that, I love the A Charlie Brown Christmas special. I love that 50 years ago, Charles Schulz took a HUGE risk and decided to tell it like it is at Christmas, using the scriptures to tell the greatest story ever told.


As we prepare to celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ, I cannot think of a better or more beloved “true meaning of Christmas” speech than the one that was so eloquently delivered by Linus van Pelt. Take the time to sit back and enjoy this video clip from A Charlie Brown Christmas as you prepare for the Christmas season.

        Charlie Brown: Isn’t there anyone, who knows what Christmas is all about?

Linus: Sure Charlie Brown, I can tell you what Christmas is all about. Lights please?

        And there were in the same country shepherds, abiding in the field, keeping watch   over their flock by night. And, lo, the angel of the Lord came upon them, and the glory of the Lord shone round about them! And they were sore afraid. And the angel said unto them, “Fear not! For, behold, I bring you tidings o great joy, which shall be to all my people. For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Saviour, which is Christ, the Lord. And this shall be a sign unto you: Ye shall find the babe wrapped in swaddling clothes, lying in a manger.” And suddenly, there was with the angel a multitude of the Heavenly Host praising God, and saying, “Glory to God in the Highest, and on Earth peace, and good will toward men.

          That’s what Christmas is all about, Charlie Brown.








From Think Thankfully to all of you.....many wishes for a blessed Christmas and a joyous 2016.

Until next time.............

 

Something to think about

Dear Readers,

I tend to write when the mood strikes me. Sometimes it is once a day, sometimes it is more than once a day, sometimes there may be days or weeks in between postings. Today was a day that I sat and wrote out a few blogs that I wanted to get down. I wrote earlier in the morning about being happy (see previous blog entry). Now, I am writing about something that LEAPED out at me, right off the pages of the book, and SCREAMED at me to WRITE WRITE WRITE!!! I should prepare you, it isn't a normal blog entry and some might even think it is a bit on the morbid side, but......

Two years ago, my oldest daughter gave me the most wonderful Christmas gift. A book (surprise surprise! I told you I love books!) entitled, Mother Teresa: Her Essential Wisdom. It's not a book I sit and read from cover to cover, but rather it is a collection of her words, her thoughts on topics, that I tend to pick up when I need 'reminders'. The inscription on the blank page of the book had a note written by my daughter, because she knows all too well, that even those who appear the strongest and bravest need reminders from time to time. Today, I needed one of Mother Teresa's thought provoking reminders.

On page 92 of the book, in a chapter entitled Suffering and Death, I found this particular blurb: "If you were to die today, what would others say about you? What was in you that was beautiful, that was Christlike, that helped others to pray better? Face yourself, with Jesus at your side, and do not be satisfied with just any answer." WOW. Now there's something to think about. If I were today today, what would others say about me. It was time to really face myself, and so I thought this one through.

Sure, many times people ask, "If you knew you had 24 hours to live, what would you do? Who would you spend it with?" or "Would you want to know how long you have on this earth?". But let's think about this one, and I will repeat it again, "If you were to die today, what would others say about you?"

This question forces us to take a long hard look at ourselves. We've all sat at funerals, whether they be of a beloved family member or a friend, and we've heard what people had to say about that person. But thinking about that, I wonder, what would people say about me? Have I lived the life I think I have? Have I been a good friend? Have I loved enough? Have I loved truly? Have I spoken kind words more often than not?

Until tomorrow, my friends.....do yourself a favor and check out the book, Mother Teresa: Her Essential Wisdom edited by Carol Kelly-Gangi.

Think Thankfully! 

Gift yourself each day with the Attitude of Gratitude!

Dear Readers,

A new day! A fresh start! Despite what happened the day before, every day you should wake up and give yourself the gift of an attitude of gratitude. Gratitude is all about being thankful for and appreciating the things you have in your life, everyday.  Using the gift of gratitude is easy: simply begin to value all the goodness, beauty, and love around you. This can be as breathtaking as noticing a beautiful evening sunset that looks more like a painting on canvas or as simple as the soft feel of cotton against your skin when wearing a new sweater you recently purchased.

Gratitude is a way of simplifying life and reverting to a simple state of uncomplicated, natural, pure happiness. Over a year ago, I challenged followers in my Think Thankfully Facebook page. I asked them to adopt this idea of gifting themselves an attitude of gratitude EVERY day for 30 days. Allow themselves to be grateful for the things in their every day life that may be overlooked. Start simple and let the attitude of gratitude grow. For me, it seemed like an easy challenge. Of all the followers of my page, one person took the idea and ran with it. Every single day, she posted what she was thankful for. She offered her gratitude for little things in her day, that she normally would have just dismissed as routine. You could see the build up in each post. Some days she had to dig deep (heck, don't we all at some point?!), but after the 30 days were up, she continued the ‘habit’ of posting her daily gratitude. She is one of the people I stick around on the great book of Faces for. I enjoy reading her daily gratitude and many times, it makes me take a step back and focus even that much more on my own gratitude. I’ve seen a change in this person. I hear it in her posts, I see it in her pictures. She is a far more happier person and while she still experiences roadblocks and speed bumps in her days, she sees that the goodness outweighs the negative.

THAT is what it is all about. Notice the positive and the good in your day, and soon enough, you will see the goodness and positives the world around you. Notice what’s right instead of what’s wrong, and begin to see every negative situation as an opportunity to grow into a better state of mind, and ultimately a happier, better person. Is your glass half full or half empty? Do you see the rain as a miserable day or an opportunity for new growth to flourish? Do you recognize a bird chirping as a sign of spring or a nuisance noise that just woke you from your much needed sleep?

Life is for celebrating and in noticing all the things in your life to be thankful for, you give yourself more to celebrate! Expressing gratitude, being thankful, and living your life as a celebration is a wonderful idea and if celebrated each and every day, it can become a never ending party!!! Enjoy life, use the gift of the attitude of gratitude to find ways to celebrate every day! Order flavored coffee instead of the boring blah stuff! Keep a smile on your face and then share that smile with a stranger! Skip down the hallway at work! Whistle a happy tune while in the elevator! EAT DESSERT!! Call a friend and allow yourself all the time in the world to talk!! Buy flowers for no reason! Crank the radio! SING OUT LOUD!! All these and more are great examples of celebrating life! We don’t need birthdays and holidays to limit our celebration of life! Life is to be celebrated EVERY day and in sharing your gift of the attitude of gratitude with yourself and others, you help promote thankfulness in others.

Right now, things aren’t necessarily going as I had hoped in my personal life. I’ve got some roadblocks and speed bumps of my own I am working to surmount. But, even in the midst of my trying day yesterday, the day in which I had hoped for answers and got nothing, really, even in THAT day, I was able to find things to be thankful for and to remain positive about. Sure, I allowed myself a moment to sit and cry. I’m human, remember? But at the end of the day, I was able to list things I was thankful for in THAT day. And now, that day is a memory. I won't dwell on it. I pick up and move on to today. And in this moment, I am thankful for many things. Yes, it might only be 8:30am, but I've already awoken with my attitude of gratitude. I recognize what I have to be thankful for and I will not allow myself to focus on the negative. You see,  I don’t just preach it, I practice it, too. I don’t just post things on here and then walk away and live a different life. I try real hard to live the words I write, the images I share, the advice I give. I live it. Gratitude is a way to reach your own happiness and the only way to reach that happiness is to allow yourself to accept the gift you’ve given you. The gift of the attitude of gratitude. Unwrap it! Use it! Live it every day!

Until next time, my friends……be thankful for simple things; a gift from a friend, the energy of a child, a random act of kindness, giggles and laughter, the sunshine, and even the rain!

Think Thankfully

Take charge of YOUR life!

Dear Readers, 

It’s time to embrace the moment and start writing again! I love when the urge to write is bigger than the urge to do anything else at the moment! I sit here in the (somewhat) solitude (Criminal Minds reruns are on the TV providing background noise for me) and so many things swirl around inside my head. I’m a major mish-mash of feelings at this moment, which makes writing a bit tougher than usual, but I forge on, deciding to put onto paper what I’ve got inside my head. Sometimes it helps to battle the blues when I’ve got a keyboard at my fingertips!

I guess you could say I’ve struggled with a form of depression for a little while. I’ve done a very good job of overcoming it, fighting it off by exploring this Think Thankfully journey for the past three and a half years, but it’s always there, in the far reaching bowels of my soul. I can easily slide into feelings of inadequacy, loss, betrayal, fear, and frustration. I think we all can at some point in our lives. When I am at this point in my life, I tend to bottle up my true feelings and I put on the happy face, making it seem like nothing in the world is bothering me. It is at these moments that I feel completely stuck. Like my wheels are turning but I’m going nowhere. Fast. I dream big, but I feel as though I fail at working on reality.

We allow ourselves to believe that we can’t move forward. We can’t get past the rut we are stuck in. But you know what, let me let you in on a little fact of the matter. The truth is (and you KNOW how I feel about the truth!), YOU have the power to move forward no matter what roadblocks you encounter on your journey. YOU have the power to live up to your highest expectation of how amazingly awesome your life can be. YOU have the power to follow through and make significant strides towards your biggest goals, no matter what those goals may be. YOU have all this power because YOU hold in your hand, a CHOICE. In each moment, YOU can choose what you think, what you do, and who you want to be. YOU CHOOSE!

Stop allowing your feelings of inadequacy, loss, betrayal, fear, and frustration control YOU. They are only feelings. They are NOT the fact of your life. Feelings are controlled by YOU. Make the choice to think positively. Be strong and courageous in your daily happenings. Leave no room for inferior feelings. I know it is easier said than done, but believe me, taking baby steps along the way eventually will lead to one HUGE leap, one in which you leave the negativity behind you and start seeing only the positives!!!

Until tomorrow, my friends ….. Take charge of your life and make this day the best day of your life! Keep reminding yourself that you are strong enough to take whatever the next step is in taking charge of YOUR life, and that this step is the only step that matters right now!

Think Thankfully!!!

Writing is good for the soul

Dear Readers,

It's been quite some time since I updated this blog. Some days, I find myself longing for solitude so I can just sit and write and write and write. Other days, I have a strong desire to write and nothing wants to come out. I believe I may overwhelm myself with the idea that I have to write. I pressure myself into writing and then I am stumped as to what I want to say, what I feel is important to get out, what I wish I could say in written word. Many thoughts swirl around in my head but trying to get them out has been a true struggle. Perhaps I am frustrated over the path the publishing of Think Thankfully has taken. Perhaps I am feeling a bit stuck in a rut of neverending complacency. Perhaps I just needed a few days of negative windchills and a laptop to just really sit and focus a bit. Regardless, here we are in the midst of a new blog posting because, truth be told (and if you've followed any of my writings and ramblings, you know I believe in telling the truth to my readers!), I've wanted to write. I've always wanted to write.

A lot of things have contributed to this strong desire to write in the past few weeks. We've had so many snow days, which have left me sitting on my grandma's glider rocker, watching way too much TV. I've had a lot of moments of reflection in the past month, many of which normally bring me a lot of sadness. I've had a few encounters with someone from my past, who still has the capacity to evoke a wide range of feelings/emotions in me. I've had to reevaluate some friendships and sadly, some people have walked away from my life. Add to these things, the fact that my oldest child has found an apartment in a town 210 miles away from me in another state (but believe me, I've been preparing for this one) and is set to move at the end of next month, while my youngest is enjoying a relatively carefree life of a 17 year old, spending much of her free time with her boyfriend, and you get a glimpse of the wide range of emotion/feelings I've been struggling with. My writing urge has been strong, but I struggle with what to put down on paper.

I turn to Think Thankfully to help work through my feelings. Not everything I post upon the page is directed solely at me. Many times, I feel an overwhelming urge to post about a certain theme or idea. Later, I find someone has felt what was posted was exactly what they needed in their life. I've allowed myself the room of a Facebook page to express what I need to. Many people may think that I hide behind the 'mask' of a Facebook page because I do my very best to keep that page more universal and not personal. I keep my true identity relatively hidden on that page. While I post some personal things, rarely do I show the world who I truly am on that particular page, although it isn't much different that what is shown.

During the past three and a half years, I've learned a lot, lost a lot, gained a lot, and worked on being a better person. I've eliminated the negative from my life as much as I can. I've got a little ways to go, but all in all, the negativity has slowly disappeared from my life. I've given myself such room to express my true thoughts and feelings and in return, I feel as though I've imparted some wisdom on the 790 followers that Think Thankfully currently has. I guess, the best thing I can do, is continue on my own journey and hope that others get from it what they need.

I can tell you I'll try to be better at writing here, but I'm not sure if that is an honest admission. Perhaps, instead of giving something physical up for Lent, I will give up the excuses for not writing and dedicate myself to writing for each of the 40 days of the Lenten season. Maybe that will spark some writing fires (and maybe my writing will be noticed by people in order for it to become more of a career rather than a hobby!).

Either way, I'll do what I can. That's all I can say about that......

Until next time, 

Think Thankfully

Show a little faith, there's magic in the night

Sometimes we all need reminders to keep the faith and remain grateful for things in life. Not a super easy task for any of us at times. I am constantly reminding myself that it's ok to find myself in a slump, it's ok to not be perfect, it's ok to not please everyone all the time, it's ok (and normal) to have bad days.

Last May, I attended my 15th Springsteen concert. I was 10 years old when I first heard ThunderRoad and instantly fell in love with Bruce and his music. It's been a 31 year (one sided) love affair that continues to grow. Although he has no clue, Mr. Bruce Springsteen has truly been my go-to person during all my troubling times. He's helped me through many a tough time in my life.

Today, October 4. 2014 marks the 3 year anniversary of my Think Thankfully journey. Currently, I've posted 1,096 'Tonight I'm thankful for:' posts on my personal Facebook page. I haven't missed a night, no matter where I've been, who I've been with, or what I've been doing. I posted. They've become the best therapy (aside from listening to Mr. Springsteen) I could have ever attempted. Some days I've had to dig very deep to reach a level of thankfulness, but let me tell you....there haven't been many like that. I've learned that the more you have to be thankful for, the more you are given in this world. I've also started to post them on the Think Thankfully Facebook page, too, each night.

This past year has been a whirlwind for me. I've reunited with some old friends, met a lot of new friends, lost some friends, grown to 735 followers on the Think Thankfully Facebook page, and managed to do it all with a grateful heart for all I've experienced. Through it all, the ups and the downs, two people stand out in my mind who have really affected me during the past year: my dear high school friends, Keri and Ryan. Both of these friends are faced with their own challenges in life and sometimes, I believe, life can get very overwhelming for the two of them. Now, before you go assuming anything, they are NOT married to one another. Keri has a wonderful husband, Jeff, and three children. Ryan has an incredible wife, Jenny, and three children. They are both very special friends to me and I am thankful, so very thankful, to have rekindled old friendships with both of them. If I may share....... 

Last November, I challenged my Think Thankfully followers to start posting a nightly thankful post on their own Facebook pages. My friend Keri accepted the challenge. She is less than a month away from completing an entire year of thankful posts. I love to see her tell people how it has truly changed her way of thinking because let's face it...that's what it's all about!! It's been a wonderful ride, watching her whole mindset start to change from simple things each day to be thankful for, to really giving a power punch to things she's been thankful for. As many people often tell me, I look forward to her thankful posts each night!

Ryan is a very gifted writer. He is also a gifted musician. I've been privileged to be able to read some of his incredible poetry years ago when we both reconnected thanks to Facebook. He's always been a neat person in my eyes, because he has a very unique ability to put his feeling on paper and make you feel every single word of it. And I do mean that. I know Ryan struggles with some personal inner demons. During this past year, Ryan has also taken to posting more of his daily gratitudes.  Although he doesn't do it every single night, in reading Keri's nightly posts and my nightly posts, Ryan is able to really see the value of important things in his life. Recently, he posted something to the effect that he wasn't there yet but he's been working on it! That's what it's all about! Working on it!!!

Heck, I'm not completely there yet. I still have moments of self-pity, anger, frustration, heartbreak, and wondering if it's truly all worth it. In the end, the answer always remains and emphatic YES. I like who I've become on this journey. I like to be the happy person. I love thinking thankfully. I truly am blessed.

Happy Anniversary, Think Thankfully......

Until next time (which I'm going to try to be better at this year....), my friends......remember, there is always, always, ALWAYS something to be thankful for!

Positivity is the key!

I'm trying hard. Really, I am. I recently figured out what my 'problem' is lately. I've allowed someone else's constantly negative attitude start to suck the happiness and positivity out of my own attitude. Yes, you absolutely read that right. Hard to believe? Not really, if you think about it.

I'm human. It's what we do. We pump ourselves up and then with one swift movement of someone else's tongue, we allow ourselves to crumble. I've spent two and a half years working on being a more positive person and THAT quickly, in what felt like the blink of an eye, I could feel that positive foundation start to crack and then crumble.

It's hard to be around a person for a great length of time and NOT be affected by their moods and attitudes. This is one reason I began, awhile ago, to eliminate those 'toxic' people from my life. I couldn't stand to always be sucked into drama, whiny conversations, 'whoa is me' attitudes and yet, here I sit, allowing it to happen again.

There is good news though. I've recognized it earlier on this time. I can see that is what is happening to me and I DO NOT LIKE IT. I won't fib, it will be very hard to eliminate this negative force from my life, but I will do the best I can try to keep those negative words, comments, and attitudes at arm's length. I can try to keep telling myself that I am better than the negative forces that are chipping away at the happy person I've come to enjoy being. 

Starting right now…today…..I am promising myself that I will NOT allow this type of moody, negative behavior, you know the type….the toxic one, who will use his or her mood swings to intimidate and manipulate, to bring others into their own miserable world….to have ANY control in my life.  If you truly watch this Negative Nelly closely, you will notice that their attitude is overly self-referential. They cannot talk about anything other than THEIR lives, THEIR happenings, THEIR perceived wrongs. They switch conversations mid-stream if they feel they cannot add anything to what is being discussed. They try to switch the focus to their wants, their needs. The relationships they do find themselves in are prioritized according to how each one can be used to meet their selfish needs. I am officially done with this type of person. Officially over being brought down by negative forces. Positivity is the key!

Until tomorrow, my friends....eliminate that toxicity from your life and choose to see the bright side, see all that life has to offer! Be positive!

Think Thankfully!

Happy Easter!!!

@Casting Crowns 

Happy Easter from Think Thankfully! I’ve taken a bit of a break from writing as the Easter holiday approached. In renewing my faith, I’ve really started to take a lot into consideration as secular holidays come around. While all the children excitedly awaited the arrival of the Easter Bunny, hitting up local egg hunts, searching for the best spot to capture their picture with the Bunny, hoping for lots of candy, chocolates, and presents, I was excitedly awaiting the resurrection of my Lord and Savior.

I know I have always said I would not make this a religiously set blog, however, I have come to realize in my little absence from writing, that much of the cause of my thankfulness is because of my faith.  This morning, as I walked the .75 miles from my home to the cemetery on the hill for the annual 6am Easter Sunrise (Dawn) Service, things became extremely clear to me in this journey I am on.

Let me backtrack a little bit. As you may remember, I spent a few years of my life away from the church. I had a very bad experience with a previous minister and simply felt the foundation of my faith crumble under my feet. Much like Christ on the cross, I felt forsaken by the One I never thought (and was taught) would never do such a thing. I spent time wandering through this life wondering just what I believed.

I found my way back to my church with the arrival of a new minister, Pastor Denton Kees. It took me a little bit, but that man of the cloth, in his own gentle way, helped me find my way back to the fold. I started attending church more regularly and this past January, I was elected to serve on our Church Council (which I am enjoying so far……).

As Easter approached, I spent a lot of time in reflection. I attended Maundy Thursday Services, where I heard a remarkable message from Pastor Gail Kees (Pastor Denton’s wonderful wife). The tone was set for the next three days for me. As Good Friday arrived, I followed my annual tradition of starting my day watching The Passion of the Christ. This year, it hit home much more than it ever has. I still weep at the suffering Jesus Christ endured for ME. My frame of mind and the innermost feelings in my heart were put in the right spot for the waiting….the anxious anticipation of Christ’s Resurrection.

Last night, I set my alarm for 5:15am. I was going to attend the 6am Easter Sunrise Service on the cemetery. It was a tradition I always enjoyed as a youngster. I would be the only one in my family who would wake up, get ready, and trudge across the yard to catch a ride with my neighbors, Ruthie and Merritt. As I got older, it became a yearly tradition to meet my friend, Paul, in front of the church and together we’d walk up the hill to the service. A few times as I grew up, I attended the services, but it has been a few years since I felt it important to wake up and go. Until this year…..

The alarm sounded and I got up without hesitation, threw on my sweats and a baseball hat. I had hoped that my 16 year old daughter would join me, and I know she set her alarm and did wake up, but I believe she fell back to sleep. It was a little pinch of disappointment, but I understand. She’s not quite there yet in her faith journey. I left my house at 5:40 to start walking. Now, .75 miles doesn’t seem like a lot, however, it is quite the hill to climb. It’s not an easy grade to trek up, especially as you get older. At one point, about halfway up the hill, I began to rethink my option. It would be so much easier to just turn around and walk back home. I was short on breath, it was chilly, and I had a little bit of a climb yet. And then, it all came together and my mind swirled with images of Christ carrying His cross up the hill to Golgotha, already beaten down, spit on, ridiculed, and yet He carried that cross up a hill knowing what was going to happen once He reached the top. If He could do it, meeting a far more terrible fate than I would at the top, I, too, can make it. And so I trudged on.

I made it. I arrived at the top in time to be asked to be a reader. What an honor. To many, it wouldn’t seem like much, but to me, to be asked to read at the Resurrection service of my Lord, my Savior was a true honor for me. We celebrated through song, prayer, scripture, sermon, and praise for our Risen Lord. I watched the beautiful sunrise come through the trees on the far edge of the cemetery and I smiled, knowing my Redeemer lives!

The whole walk home, I kept humming the Casting Crowns song, Oh Glorious Day! I am so thankful to have been led back. I am so thankful that, while there are baskets filled on my table for my family, I was raised to know and understand the true meaning of Easter. I am thankful that through my own reflections, I will walk into church this morning, praising the fact that Christ is Risen, and not just saying it, but believing it with my whole heart.

"Glorious Day (Living He Loved Me)"

One day when Heaven was filled with His praises

One day when sin was as black as could be

Jesus came forth to be born of a virgin

Dwelt among men, my example is He

Word became flesh and the light shined among us

His glory revealed

[Chorus:]

Living, He loved me

Dying, He saved me

Buried, He carried my sins far away

Rising, He justified freely forever

One day He's coming

Oh glorious day, oh glorious day

One day they led Him up Calvary's mountain

One day they nailed Him to die on a tree

Suffering anguish, despised and rejected

Bearing our sins, my Redeemer is He

Hands that healed nations, stretched out on a tree

And took the nails for me

[Chorus]

One day the grave could conceal Him no longer

One day the stone rolled away from the door

Then He arose, over death He had conquered

Now He's ascended, my Lord evermore

Death could not hold Him, the grave could not keep Him

From rising again

[Chorus]

One day the trumpet will sound for His coming

One day the skies with His glories will shine

Wonderful day, my Beloved One, bringing

My Savior, Jesus, is mine

[Chorus]

Glorious day, Oh, Glorious day

Christ is risen, my friends…..He is risen, indeed. Until tomorrow……Happy Easter

Think Thankfully

When you feel like hope is gone...

It has been a very trying week, hence the lack of blog postings. It is hard to write positively when you don't feel so positive yourself. I thought I could conquer this feeling, but it has been festering all week until this morning.

My daughter's boyfriend sent me a SnapChat video last night. While I was already asleep when it was sent and didn't get it til this morning, once I saw it, I knew there was a reason for that happening. Now, while I am not sure he meant to send it to me, I like to think he sees my Facebook posts and is quite intuitive to what's going on in my little corner of the world here in Pennsylvania. Once I saw it was a video, I eagerly waited for it to load so I could watch. Secretly, I was hoping it was another humorous one with one of his instrument students (he's a band director/instrumental music teacher - and a darn good one, too!). Not at all. It may not have been what I was expecting, but it was just what I needed. As the video starts, it is him, lip synching to the most perfect part of Mariah Carey's song, Hero....."So when you feel like hope is gone, look inside you and be strong." WOW. Just what this Momma needed this morning as I enter day 4 of what could be hell on earth.

Hope. A simple 4 letter word. HOPE. Yup, count them, 4 letters long. 

HOPE (hōp) :

noun

1. a feeling of expectation and desire for a certain thing to happen.

"he looked through her belongings in the hope of coming across some information"

synonyms:          aspiration, desire, wish, expectation, ambition, aim, goal, plan, design; 

2. a person or thing that may help or save someone.

"their only hope is surgery"

3. grounds for believing that something good may happen.

"he does see some hope for the future"

synonyms:          hopefulness, optimism, expectation, expectancy; More

antonyms:          pessimism

4. a feeling of trust.

verb

1.want something to happen or be the case.

"he's hoping for an offer of compensation"

synonyms:          expect, anticipate, look for, be hopeful of, pin one's hopes on, want;

Hope. Hope is a belief that circumstances in the future will be better. It's NOT simply a wish that things will get better, but an actual belief, even when there may be no evidence that anything will change, that things will be better. Hope can encompass a wide variety of beliefs -- everything from an athlete hoping for that college scholarship to a cancer patient hoping for a cure. Hope is the word we hear over anything. 

Believe it or not, hope wasn’t always considered a good thing. Back in earlier times, poets and writers dismissed the concept of hope as a cruel joke of higher beings. To them, it was an illusion that lured gullible, dimwitted people to believe in a better future, only to let them down in the end. To them, and they wrote about it, hope was just another word for disappointment, being let down, a falsity of man.

To a sailor lost at sea, a small blip of light in the distance is hope of soon being back on solid ground. To the woman longing for a child, hope is the news that she is finally pregnant. To the serviceman or woman, hope is word that they are finally coming home from a years long deployment. And to me, hope is that reminder to look inside myself for the strength I need to get through whatever it is I am facing in these last days of the school year.

It hasn't been easy these past few days and at one point, I truly gave up hope. I gave up feeling as if anything good would happen for me. Not anymore, thanks to my daughter's boyfriend. I am facing today and each of the remaining 45 days with all the hope in the world that I WILL make it through this school year, I WILL be the best I can be, and I WILL call this year a success. Hope rests inside me. Who is anyone else to take that hope away from me. Hope is NOT a disappointment, it is the fire that drives me to keep pushing forward when everything else is pushing against me. Hope is the reminder to look inside myself and be strong. I am the hero of my own life!

Until tomorrow, my friends.....

Think Thankfully!

....some days are like this, even in Australia

There will be days when you feel like the world is crumbling beneath your feet, as if every good thing you have ever done has been trumped by something or someone else. There will be days when you wonder if you can keep going along this path, like you continue to take every wrong turn along the way. There will be days that test your patience and build your character, days that you simply do whatever it takes to make it through without hurting someone or saying something you will end up regretting. There will be days when you just want to put your head down and cry. There will be days when you really want to quit, when you just can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel. Today is one of those days for me.

There will be days just like these throughout your life because you’re human after all. But just remember that it’s on days like this that the true reflection of who you are shines through.  It’s on days like this that you show the world what you are made of.

To quote one of my favorite storybook characters, Alexander, “Today was a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.” My strength, patience, and fortitude have been tested to their outermost limits today. Today has been one of those days that has me questioning everything about my life as I know it, with the exception of my relationships. I’m feeling pretty solid about those, and it feels good to come home from a day like this to a loving husband, who allows me to vent! God Bless him. 

As my own terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day progressed on, I received a message on the great book of Faces from a friend who needed some ‘positive’ advice. It killed me. At that moment in time, I seriously wanted to say…..’ASK SOMEONE ELSE, MY LIFE SUCKS RIGHT NOW’, but I did not. I knew I was needed. I knew THIS is why I created Think Thankfully. This is one of my gifts to the world and there was no way I was letting her down. I told her I’d message her back when I got home and had a clearer head. And then it struck me…..

Sometimes it pays to actually take your own advice.  Although to be honest, today will probably not go into the archives of my life as the absolutely worst day of my life, on a professional level it ranks very high on the list.  While many tell me to take all the stuff being placed before me as an indication of how wonderful my classroom is run, that does not help me…..the perfectionist, the teacher with the high standards not just for her students but for herself, the one who feels that no matter how good I am, I’ll always be dumped on and no one listens. Yes, I’m venting. Yes, this is my outlet. Do I love my job….yes, but I don’t love the sincere tests of my ability that I have been up against lately. Today, I’m feeling as though my best will always get me more frustrations.

I came home today completely stressed with my blood pressure beginning to skyrocket, tears welling in my eyes, my voice reaching abnormal altitudes when talking, and I immediately hit the Cool Ranch Doritos (in case you missed it, I’m a serious stress eater). As I sat here, breaking out the Microsoft Word to write my frustrations away, it occurred to me that I’d be giving people some sort of advice with this blog. But what advice would I be giving when the world seems to be walking all over you? What could I possibly say to anyone to make a terrible day seem not so terrible? How do I seriously handle situations (or days) like this? Well, here’s what we do:

We faced the trouble head on.  When those worst of days come rushing at us like an out of control freight train, it never does any good to try to live in denial of what is happening.  At best, it will just prolong the agony.  So what do we do? We face it.  It is there.  We cannot deny it or ignore it. For me, I cannot change the events that are happening. I’ve got absolutely NO CONTROL over the end result, but I do have control over what happens after and that might be ok for me. Rather that wallow in self-pity and stress, I will face what comes along. Perhaps I can be like Superman and just stretch out my arms and stop it all, but that’s highly unlikely, so face it I will!

We control what we can in the situation and let the rest of the chips fall where they may. When we face what we feel might just be the worst day of our life, either we should take control of what we can or we just accept that there is nothing we can really do.  

From time to time, our days will be filled with complete and utter chaos and frustration. There will be days when we want to pack it in, quit, walk away. There will be times when we cannot control what is happening, but rather we must deal with the hand that’s dealt us. Face those difficulties head on. Control what you can. And in the end, realize….’Mom says there are days like this, even in Australia.’

Until tomorrow, my friends….

Think Thankfully!!!!