Four words that made a difference

I wasn't going to write again this week, but something happened last night that prompted my urge to write about it. 

During the day yesterday, my wonderfully amazing husband asked me if I'd like to go to dinner with him last night. I love when he does things like that. He's a genuinely amazing person, who ALWAYS asks me on a 'date'. Yes, despite the fact that we are older AND have been together forever, he still asks me on date nights!! I was planning on making a broiled salmon for dinner, but without hesitation, I told him I'd love to join him out for dinner! I mean, come on! Who wouldn't want to go out to dinner rather than cook, right???

So, he gets home from work and changes around and off we go. I wasn't sure what I was hungry for so I left it up to him where we'd eat. Since the beginning of July, I've been following the Code Red Lifestyle, which has completely changed my way of eating. It isn't difficult to follow, and I have lost over 60 pounds in a very healthy way. My husband has been extremely supportive of this decision of mine and does his best to accommodate my needs when eating out. I'm never worried....I can always find something on a menu that I choose to eat!

We ended up at a place called The Keystone Pub, which is a favorite spot of his. I was checking out the menu and decided on a Black and Bleu burger with no bun: a blackened burger, bleu cheese crumbles, sauteed onions, bacon, and jalapeno peppers. Delicious!!! When the waitress came around, I asked her for the burger, no bun and a side salad with Ranch dressing. She proceeds to ask me if I want fries or chips with my burger. I told her I didn't need either, just the side salad.

My husband and I sat chatting before our food came out and when it did, he looks over at me and says, "I'm proud of you." 

"Proud of me?" I responded, "Why?"

"Because you've found something that really works for you and you stick to it like it's nothing! You look great!"

Talk about making me feel exceptional? My husband has ALWAYS made me feel like a million bucks. He ALWAYS makes me feel like the most beautiful woman in the world (or at least the room!). He ALWAYS makes sure I know that he notices the little things. He is one of the most respectful men I've ever met.  

Since starting my new lifestyle, he's been on board to the best of his ability! He's such a foodie! He loves eating out. He loves desserts. He loves food! It's his vice. That being said, he's been supportive of new dinners, new food options, and grocery shopping in a different way than we've been used to. He expresses a genuine interest in what I'm doing.

I truly believe you should be with someone who is proud of you, proud to be with you, proud of your accomplishments. Be with someone who makes you laugh more than cry, lifts you up more than puts you down, listens to you when you have something to say rather than dismissing your ideas or feelings. Be with someone who understands ALL your moods and knows how to make each of them better, and most of all, be with someone who makes YOU a priority. It is my sincere hope that through my relationship with my husband, my daughters have been able to see how a true relationship looks, what it should be like (rather than what they were subjected to when I was married to their father), and how true compromise makes all relationships even stronger.

"I'm proud of you." Four words that meant so very much to me......and I know he meant it, too.

One day at a time

First of all, happy 8 years to my Think Thankfully mindset. It was 8 years ago today that my nightly thankful posts began. So, happy 8 years of nightly posts expressing gratitude, even when it was hard to do so............ 

......and that quickly focus shifts to blog posts because writing is my only outlet right now. There are too many things swirling around inside my head (and my heart) and I feel like sometimes the only way to help get them out is to write, write, write. I don't always share my true feelings with people. I tend to keep things inside and just 'deal' with them on my own. I have moments where I can smile and laugh, and then in a quick second, I could just sit and cry.

If there is anything I've learned in the last 3 weeks, it is that major losses are extremely overwhelming. Experiencing two pretty significant losses in a span of 20 days has taken its toll on me. I am struggling terribly, but I am pretty sure it is just deep grief and not a depression. I put on a happy face, but it does not mirror what I'm feeling on the inside. I am struggling. I am struggling to make sense of things, to figure out how to grieve two people in two very different manners, to see a light at the end of the tunnel, to see a brighter future. Life has taken on a 'one day at a time' kind of mantra. Today is one of those days where I do not feel like being at work, I do not feel like being around people, and I do not feel like smiling. I'd much rather be at home, snuggled with my little dog, and letting the world go by with no expectations from me. That's the truth of my life right now.

So many people have told me that I am such a strong person. I can handle this because I am strong. Let me tell you, that is farthest from the truth right now. I do not feel strong. I do not feel like I 'can handle' this. It is hard for me to talk to people about this because, unless you've experienced a loss like this, (you know, two significant losses in a matter of three weeks time), you cannot even begin to imagine. Losing one has been heart shattering. Losing the other compounded the grief and intensified the feelings. Losing both has been a bit too much for me to handle. And I am ok admitting that. I'm not strong. I'm human. I'm trying to deal the best way I know how.

My husband amazes me with his ability to wake up every morning and tackle his days with, what appears to be, minimal darkness. He is the epitome of strength and reassurance. I'm truly in awe of him each and every day. That is not to say he isn't grieving. I know he is. I know this is a hurt that he will take with him every day of the rest of his life. I know my husband will not be whole again until he sees Billy again. I also know that my husband grieves for my grandmother, too. They had a special bond, the two of them. Up until the end of her life, she still made sure he knew that HE was going to get the 'red envelope' from her forever. But the grief we share for my grandmother's passing is so different that the intense sadness felt over Billy's passing. My grandmother lived almost 91 very full years. She had a long life, filled with many ups and downs, but one thing for sure, she was the best role model of what a strong woman looks like. Billy lived for 34 short years. He had so much life ahead of him. And in moments when I think abut this, it just doesn't seem fair. But life is the farthest thing from fair.

I was reminded that it is OK to take life one day at a time right now, considering what I've been dealt with the past three weeks. I was reminded that my light will shine through again, in time. I was reminded to be patient with myself. And I am trying.....it's just very hard.

One day at a time.......

Respect. Find out what it means to me!

In light of the recent race debate going on in our country and an occurrence that happened to my husband and I last night, I decided to write this blog post today.

We decided that we would have a ‘date night’ to Sarah Street Grill in Stroudsburg, PA, our go-to spot for sushi and live music! Being that my husband lived in the Stroudsburg area for a number of years, he is pretty well versed in traffic patterns and parking lot traffic. As we pulled into Sarah Street’s parking lot (which is understood to be one way), we noticed a vehicle coming at us, from the wrong direction, completely blocking the way for anyone trying to get in and find a parking spot. We continued on until this car was about 30 feet from us and it was then that we noticed an out of state license plate. My husband opened the door (in which, I admit, I was very scared that whomever was in the car would become irate and maybe pull a weapon) and yelled to the driver that they were going the wrong way, motioning with his arm for them to go in reverse back out through the lot. Now, mind you, it was 9:00 and very dark outside and we had no idea if the driver was a male or female.  The opposing car did not move in reverse but rather inched forward towards us a bit, because people were trying to get OUT of their parking spots that they were now blocking. Now, the car door opened. As the opposite car’s door opened, my husband opened his door, too. At this point, I remained relatively calm, but I was a tad more scared as a larger black man stepped out of the car and started walking towards us. My heart was thumping.

I am NOT a prejudiced person by any means, and I completely blame the rash of media attention to the perceived inequalities of race in this country for my ‘fear’. That being said, this man walked towards our car as my husband  stepped out of our car. My husband is a big guy, rough looking…a biker dude…tattooed and goatee….he’s intimidating (but really a teddy bear). I thought, “Oh great….here goes a confrontation that isn’t going to end well.” I braced myself for the worst in this situation, a slew of news headlines starting flashing through my head.......

And then it happened. As he approached our car, the man began apologizing profusely to us (looking behind our car as the line waiting to get in got longer and stretched out to the street) and said he never saw that it was a one way lot. He kept repeating over and over that he was just looking for a spot to park so he could go in and grab a beer! My husband and this man laughed together and exchanged niceties, with my husband saying, “Not a problem, man! Just park it so we can all get moving along!”

The man parked his car, we parked next to him, and walked into the establishment together, almost as if we had been friends forever. We ended up sitting next to him at the bar, buying him his drinks for his parking lot troubles, and made a new friend when the night was over. Phone numbers were exchanged, deep sea fishing trips were discussed, and a lot of laughs happened between the three of us during the evening.

As this whole episode was unfolding, it was apparent that this man was bracing himself for a confrontation (perhaps due to the color of his skin? perhaps because my husband looked like he'd be an angry biker dude? - another wrongful stereotype - but those are assumptions on my part.) and was ready to defend himself if necessary. However, in the world we live in, we don’t care what color your skin is. That’s the way it should be everywhere. We care about what you are like as a person. If you are an asshole to us, we can be that way, too. If you approach and react in a threatening manner, you will get that back. If you treat us with respect and kindness, that is what you get back from us in return. And that is exactly what happened here.

As we talked with Clint, our new friend, a new stereotype was brought to my attention and I was happy to know I didn’t fit the mold. He was actually more afraid of ME. Imagine that. The world in which he lives, women tend to fly off the handle and become the aggressor in situations. He was looking at calm Bill and seeing me in the passenger seat, just waiting for me to fly off the handle at the situation. Part of me was offended that simply because I was a woman, this was the perceived stereotype. Get to know people before you stereotype them. Male/female….black/white/tan/orange…..young/old. Underneath it all, we all have a heart. And a heart knows no stereotype.

I truly believe that there really is no race issue in this country. There is a HUGE disrespect issue in this country and in allowing jackass multi-million dollar athletes to continue in their ridiculous ‘protests’, we are only enabling the disrespect that is shown here. It’s time to look around and call it what it is. It is a choice and consequence issue, regardless of the color of your skin. If you choose to act in a disrespectful manner, then be ready for the consequences that befall you. Regardless of the color of your skin, obey the law, follow rules, listen to police and people in authority (even if you believe they are wrong….there’s a time to sort all that out and make your case known without defying them at the moment). Remember, we only see what the media presents to us. Please give it some thought before you try to justify kneeling for the National Anthem of the United States of America.

 

Until next time…..Think Thankfully