What's your legacy gonna be?

Legacy is defined in the dictionary as “something transmitted by or received from an ancestor or predecessor from the past.”  Given this definition, a legacy is not something that we have complete control over; after all, we cannot control how other people perceive us, we can only control our own actions. We can only live our lives the way we see fit and hope that whatever we are doing leaves a mark, leaves others constantly reminded of us. Right?

I’ve been struggling with this idea lately. Honestly, I’ve been thinking about it since September. I know Billy left a legacy behind. People want to be like Billy. Live a life as he did….full and free! Billy always made you wish you had what he had…..fire in his soul. Yet, he wasn’t the type to be in your face about it. What we must do is inspire through our own actions much like Billy did. Billy didn’t just think about doing things, or tell others to do them; he went out and got things done on his own! He epitomized the Maya Angelou quote referenced at the top of the blog: "If you're going to live, leave a legacy. Make a mark in the world that can't be erased."

That has gotten me to think about my own life. What legacy will I leave for people who knew me? What mark am I leaving in the world? Right now, I’m quite frustrated with work. While I am thankful for my current position, I feel unfulfilled. Listening to a former classroom aide (and friend) of mine talk of what it was like being in the classroom with me, hearing former students recall favorite moments with me, parents who still tell me they miss me teaching their child…..it all adds up to a frustrated me at the moment. I do not toot my own horn, but one thing I do know is that I am a damn good teacher. And I do miss teaching. I do not miss the lesson planning, the grading, the dealing with behaviors, etc….but I miss delivering lessons with a certain savoir faire. I miss seeing the 'lightbulb' moments. I miss the excitement that my teaching brought to my students which in turn made them excited about learning. My husband says, there's always two sides to every situation. He's right. While I am no longer being hit, kicked, spit on, bitten, assaulted, verbally abused, etc and I am thankful for that, I feel as though I am also no longer really teaching. Not the way I enjoy teaching, that is.

Today, I found out that a girl I played basketball against in high school passed away after two bouts with breast cancer. She was 46. I read articles about her and again, my heart sank. She made her mark, on and off the court, first as a player, then as a coach. And in between all that, she was a very respected Special Education Teacher. She made such a difference. I’m sure she knew it, too, but yet like Billy, she wasn’t in your face about it. She just did it. It was how she lived her life.

I often wonder if I’m doing this whole ‘life’ thing right. I watch news stories and movies, read books and articles about teachers who make a difference, deliver ‘hard love’ to their students, tell students what they NEED to hear, not what they want to hear, make a difference. Sometimes it is super frustrating because that has been the premise of my entire teaching career (which began in May 1995). I feel like I never have it right, though, never landing the ‘dream job’, never being fully recognized for what I do and how I do it. Sounds like I’m looking for praise and accolades, doesn’t it? That’s not it. Not at all. Please read this as a reflective piece, an entry where I am searching for myself rather than a pity me post looking for praise and adoration.

I’ve recently started to dive into astrological horoscopes, birth charts, etc. I’m not saying that I believe in them fully, but I do find it funny that today, one of the changes to my chart noted that I’m struggling in the area of self, specifically a desire that is creating constraints. That area of my astrological chart spelled out that I find myself frustrated in the field of my natural talents (subsequently prompting this blog after one I had wanted to write fizzled out before my eyes). It went on to say that the frustrations I’m feeling will see their beginnings in the new ideas and experiences I’ve been craving along with circumstances surrounding my career or social life. An endless array of irritation and obstacles will affect finding not just a new job, but a new industry. Begs the question of how real is this astrological stuff.

Will I leave a legacy behind me? Will I ever reach my full potential in the areas of my natural talents? I guess time will tell…..but I will always have Billy in the back of my mind, pushing me to do better, be better, live life with zest, and never settle for mediocre when I can be AMAZING!

In addition to half-assedly reading the astrological outlook for my day, I also receive angel messages from Archangel Michael every day at noon. Those I believe in wholeheartedly. As I am finishing up this blog posting, today's daily angel message was delivered to me: 'Speak with optimism and faith about your finances, health, and relationships as your outlook does affect your outcomes.' Hmmmmmmmm. Timely reminder today. And so I shall.......